> Once upon a time, when I was at the lowest point of my life, and was so desperate and hopeless that my loneliness outweighed my desire for privacy ...


Having said that and what follows, then you have already done what is always a hard part. Curious is that you did not take the next step - talk to a psychologist. That is what they are good at. Other than finding one, that next step should have been the easy part. If for no other reason, to have a trusted person say if you really have a problem or provide some advise that others cannot provide.

Did it not occur to you or did no one suggest it?

Either a question of curiosity (why some don't do it) or maybe something to consider. That was such a revealing post that I wondered if you are actually seeking advise.

For no other reason, consider a psychologist if only to learn if it is worthwhile or necessary. No reason to discuss it in The Cellar.