Yeah, I never liked the idea of dating, either. The whole idea is stupid. Why should I want to get into an intimate relationship with someone I don't know?

My strategy has always been to get to know the person first. The sex and intimacy usually grows from there after a while, but the bonds are stronger because you were friends first.

Conversely, sometimes it's hard to look romantically at a person if they've been your friend for so long.

Do what works; neither way is "right" or "wrong". Dating has its bonuses, as does letting the relationships grow from friendships.

For real...Toad was in the zone. We had a real good time...didn't talk about the whole divorce situation too too much. I tried to keep the focus more on Toad post-divorce.

Yeah, you know...I never dated a whole lot either. I would just meet someone and we would click. Though Rho and I were friends for about 3-4 months before we started dating.

Just take your time, get the fuck out more, and start meeting peeps. It'll come to ya...that, or I'll set you up with classy escorts.

For now, just worry about getting YOU up to snuff. There will be plenty of time for dating later.

Depending on the person, and the amount of damage already being borne, sometimes a little bit of emergency repair is needed before one can honestly evaluate and then do the necessary work to get one's head in order for a committed relationship.

Dating allows you to do that. The fact that someone shows interest in you, and perhaps will agree to some intimate contact in the course of said dating, can be a tremendous bolster to a damaged ego and/or broken heart. Sure, it is only temporary, but until you can have some practical demonstration of your inherent desireability (for some reason, people seem to base a large part of their self worth on feedback from others), it is really difficult to have the proper balance of emotions and insight needed to take larger steps toward a healthy head and heart.

Summary? Getting laid can really pick up your spirits and make you feel like a man again after you've been dumped.

Retard beat me to it, but exactly. If you become friends with someone first, you might be less likely to jeopardize that friendship for romance.

Me personally, I was always willing to take the risk. My rationale was always "Life's too short to take the chance." And it cost me a few dear friends, but then again, I had some very good relationships, including the one I'm in now.

I just hope you're not translating "divorce" to "failure," Tony. Judging from your description of the marraige, your life will only improve once the cheese-grater-to-the-brain effects are past. In that sense, this is not failure at all, rather it is the most significant progress toward bettering your life you've seen in a while. You'll have to take a few bites of the shit sandwich occasionally, but most real progress is hard-won.

I have had several friends who have been in unrewarding relationships and marraiges... not necessarily the fault of either party. Even from the outside I can see this. I make it a point never to poison the relationships, but when the relationship dies of natural causes, I quietly celebrate for the friend whose life is about to improve.

hot pastrami
 

oops...hit the wrong button.....started a new thread called hot pastrami....sorry!
here's what i meant to post:
""""""
right on.....that's it....and that's all.......

oh, and make sure to brush after the shit sandwich!

Ljim
""""""""""""

Cool! Toads gonna rock out. What kinda music are you thinkin about?

big head toad and the monsters
 

oooooooooohhh! I play guitar! I'm in Pa! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhh!

who else!?

I can see it now:

~~~~This weekend at the Tower: Meatloaf with opening act "The Cellar" featuring Undertoad!



PS: UNDERTOAD:
noun. A form of anxiety, the chief feature of which is an overarching fear of the unknown in general and one's personal mortality in particular.

Example Citation:


"[Timothy Findley's] genuine self-doubt is forever near the surface, threatening to pull him down, and if not destroy him, silence him for good. This is his personal undertoad.
—Quest (as quoted by Anne Soukhanov in Word Watch)


Backgrounder:
The word undertoad comes from the phrase Under Toad which was coined by John Irving in his book The World According to Garp. In the book, the youngest child, Walt, is constantly being warned to "watch out for the undertow" while playing in the surf, but he mishears the word as Under Toad:

Garp...realized that all these years Walt had
been dreading a giant toad, lurking offshore,
waiting to suck him under and drag him out to
sea. The terrible Under Toad.




Subject Category:
Sociology - Anger and Anxiety

Posted on July 21, 1997

Don't know yet...! People my age tend to wind up in oldies cover bands, but I could be happy playing anything except death metal.

Jim, have you played out before?

(The Garp bit is exactly where I took the name from.)

Re: givers and takers
 

oh, bullcrap. use it if ya want, UT. people communicate theraputically in group..or moderated...situations all the time. just because this is cyber doesn't invalidate it.

You can cut that talk right the fuck out! :) I must be reading too many Dave posts.

What the fuck are you talking about, old fart?

Talk about your GTG opportunities ... I'd appreciate it if you try to book into venues where they don't metal detect at the door ...

Hey, what about the possibility of a Cellar Jam band. Lumberjim might not have been too far off an idea, even if only to have an excuse to hang out and noodle around.

I'm way rusty, but do have current access to Native American Courting Flute, Chinese bamboo flute, and an assortment of frame drums including a cheap-ass bodrhain (and some rattles shaped like fruits).