our travel schedule last year included New Orleans, San Diego, Las Vegas, Flagstaff, Mexico (multiple times), 2 cruises, spain, italy, and france. yesterday she let me know that those would have been fun with someone she loved. 10 minutes later she apologized and was the girl i walked through Rome with. Today she says that she has never loved me.

oh, yeah, our itinerary for '06 was Disney, San Diego, Vegas, West Indies, Virgin Islands, Cabo San Lucas, another cruise, and strangely enough... a week in Paris.

i don't think that being stuck at home is the real problem.

Actually, I think Bri has a good point. Its pretty hard to diagnose someone third hand via the Internet, and the two people here most qualified to make a real diagnosis have been wise enough not to.

I've thrown out some ideas trying to be helpful, Lookout, but you need the advise of a professional in 3D land. From what you describe, you are currently the only actual grown-up in the scenario. Good thing for your son that he has you. Please don't let anything change that and good luck whatever you ultimately decide to do!

Interesting. Usually bipolars drink a lot because it smooths out the highs and lows they experience. Of course anybody can get really sloshed, which is what Mrs. lookout could be doing.

The others are right that you can't diagnose over this medium but it would be wise to note if her moods are cycling faster or slower when she doesn't have access to alcohol.

she seems to be cycling slower but going more deeply negative and her highs aren't as high since she isn't drinking - only 3 days at this point.

If you're having relationship problems at home, they remain with you on the road.

Having them in a country where relatively few people speak English has the potential to magnify rather than reduce the problems.

Can you be sure she isn't drinking? I mean you can't watch her all the time, but would you know if she did drink via signs?

There are many different types of bipolar disorder and sometimes they can be combined with other issues. In short you need a professional diagnosis and even then who knows if it's really BPD.

This would certainly fit especially since BPD is more common in women and seems to be a genetic thing. I'm no shrink but nobody here can tell me there isn't something off-kilter in her head. That quote of yours is the key to all this from where I sit (in a cushy blue chair).

Is there no way to let her out of the cage for a while, let her see the wide world can be pretty sucky, and reel her back in wiser?

very very low likelihood that she will come back. she is a very attractive, successful woman with an outgoing personality. if she is out on the prowl, the "i can have him anytime i want guy", isn't likely to entice her.

i'm pretty down right now. i deserve to have someone love me. i firmly believe she has a chemical problem, but she is convinced she doesn't so there isn't really anything i can do.

You are damn right! Don't forget that.

Well shit, if you think the court would hand her the kid then you have an obligation to raise the issue she is unfit unless she gets evaluated.

other than me complaining to you all, there is no documented (or documentable) evidence of her being unfit. she has never had legal problems,etc.

Find out what her sister was diagnosed with and if any others in the family had similar problems. That could be enough to get the ball rolling if an objection was raised in court. If it comes to that (and I hope it doesn't) what have you got to lose?

Well, Lookout, you have this entire thread which has been going on since December 9th. You have documentation of your bewilderment and grief over Mrs. L's actions. You have documentation of drinking episodes. You have all our concerned replies. I never thought stuff like this had much meaning, but when I posted on my internet support group about some tricks the ax murderer was playing, I was told to print out my post and the replies and show it all to the authorities. The authorities actually gave it all consideration, much to my surprise. I would again suggest that you make an appointment to see a professional, even if Mrs. L won't go. You will be able to document your concern about her actions and also show any court that you were trying to work things through and behave in a responsible fashion.

You DO deserve to be with a woman who loves you, dammit!

divorce. :sniff: :(

now on to custody, property, and money arguments.

I am so very sorry, lookout.