My paternal grandmother would joke about being 'no spring chicken.' She was a jokester though, and told me that (after grandpa passed away after 55 years of marriage) that she was looking for 'a rich man with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.' Of course she wasn't really looking, she was just funny.

Your friend sounds like she had a wonderful life. :)

I have not driven my car for about 2 weeks because all it does is snow here. Well I wanted to drive it today and some $%##^%^$# mouse has made a nest right on top of the engine and chewed a wire to the black box thingamabob that goes to the engine or somethin' WTF! :mad2: :mad:

well, any tips for washing one's hair with half gallon of water? a sponge bath I can do, but I'd really like to wash my hair before work tomorrow. If we even are working, with no water.

Is this all the water you have, or the imposed rules?

Tip is not to use shampoo and re-use the water several times -put it in a bowl, bend your head over and use a jug to pour it over your head. Massage your scalp between waterings.

well, I have more water than half a gallon in several containers; fortunately I had about 20 minutes' notice, but no water out of the tap. We're in a city-wide "water emergency" to conserve water. Not to hard, since I don't have any!

thanks for the tip; that sounds good

Can you buy a jug somewhere close? 2 gallons would do it. 1/2 to get wet, 1/2 to rinse shampoo, and one whole jug to rinse the conditioner and get everything all out..

There are several brands of waterless shampoo available. If you can't find any, you can fake it with some baby powder ... comb it through your hair and it will soak up any excess oil.

I have jugs of drinking water, and several buckets worth of probably non-potable unless I boil it. But water is scarce in the stores, and we have no idea how long this stupid crisis will end, so 1/2 gallon was my estimate of the least amount I could use.

oh, and I've already done the powder trick, but I'd prefer actual washed hair for work tomorrow, as it's already been several days.

We are generally a shampoo-free household. It takes much less water. But you have to wash it more often whilst your scalp gets used to it. The afore-mentioned process is how I wash my hair when we are backwoods camping. It works just fine. It's nicer and works better with hot water. But cold works too. If you really really really need to use shampoo, I would rinse as I described a few times, and then use the minimal amount of shampoo you can get away with, concentrating on the scalp/roots, then do one final watering to rinse that out

excellent; this is what I need, thanks!

I've tried the "no-poo/low-poo" thing for several months, as I do have curly hair. in the end, I didn't like the way it left my hair, so I went back to sulfate free shampoo. Like that better.

We started the kids out shampoo-free, but when they became swimmers, we found they needed chlorine-stripping shampoo occasionally, and intensive conditioner. My (short) hair is great without shampoo, but I do use shampoo everytime I bleach to make sure the bleach is washed out. That's maybe 3 times a year. Beest never uses shampoo -stopped before i did, about 20 years ago, but his thick long hair gets lanky if he misses a day in the shower.

Shampoo for our real friends and real poo for our sham friends!

well, did it. sponge bath and "manual" hair washing. I feel refreshed! we'll see how my hair looks tomorrow, ha!

Was told by my mechanic it must have been a %$^&&^& squirrel as opposed to a regular squirrel because he ate thru an entire plug wire and part of the smaller wiring. %$^$^%$&*& They will replace all the plug wires which means removing part of the engine and all he could tell me was that he hates PT Cruisers because of this. Wonder how much that bill will be >:-/

I have to have my whole damn thyroid removed.

rly? why? beest got away with having only half removed, but some doctors were gung-ho for the whole thing. Did you get a bazillion opinions? Scary stuff, mtp, very upsetting, I agree

Oh MTP! I agree with Mon very scary and get more opinions!

Had a biopsy on my a big nodule on my thyroid, its some sort of lesion apparently. Something like 20% are cancer, but no way to tell if its cancer for sure except to remove it for testing. This was just the largest nodule they tested, I have a lot of other small ones on my thyroid as well. Did meds for a year but it did not shrink. My mom had to have her thyroid and most of her parathyroids removed, and she turned out to have cancer. My endocrinologist is my mom's also, we have a lot of trust for the man. He knows all the family history, thats part of why he's making this call. I'm not really scared about the medical side, just paying for it is freaking me out. I even asked my doc outright if I could wait a couple of years. He said that was not a good idea in case it is cancer and it increases even more. This really sucks, my Doc seems pretty disappointed too. When I saw him for a check up in January he was thinking I was probably all better since my thyroid itself had shrunk back to normal. The double-check ultrasound showed that the nodule had not shrunk though, so he had to send me for the biopsy and so on.
Well I guess there goes my plans to move to Austin. Defiantly will not be able to afford it.

oh, very scary, MTP. wish you the best, and fuck cancer.

GET A SECOND OPINION!

Have you had tests to establish whether your major nodule is cold or hot?

your case sounds so much like beest's.....

.....and he had the dodgy nodule biopsied for cancer while he was on the table ...and it came back negative. 20% is pretty much the minimum chance they give.

regarding funding/urgency of surgery.... have you had biopsies? Is the nodule hot or cold? DO NOT avoid a second opinion because of cost issues. If medical money was ever well spent, it was on second and third opinions.

Best of Luck MTP !!!

FUUUUUUCCCCKKKK Cancer !!!

ouch mtp! :eek:

nirvana - he has to do what? remove what? pics. i need pics. you may be able to do this yourself and save an ass load of cash.

oh and mtp def get a second opinion. my father was a general surgeon he always recommended second opinions. sometimes third and fourths too.....just saying....

Insomnia...

Because I had an urgent assignment to complete and was not sure whether I will be able to complete it on time :mad2:. Though irritated I worked really hard and the end result, yes, I was able to do it completely :):D

I had a biopsy last Friday. Its a follicular lesion. How old was Beest when he had his lobectomy?
This is why my doc is saying to do the full thing:
LOBECTOMY: This procedure is associated with a lower incidence of complications, but approximately 5% to 10% of patients will have a recurrence in the thyroid following lobectomy.[10] Patients younger than 45 years will have the longest follow-up period and the greatest opportunity for recurrence.

With my family history, my risk of recurrence and cancer are higher than if I did not have thyroid issues. My mom is just the tip of the iceberg on that, I have an aunt, great aunts, ect that have/had thyroid issues. Sure, another doc might say I only need a lobectomy (I'm sure I could find one), but they could be wrong also and I'd end up having to have a 2nd surgery as well. This is not the only nodule on my thyroid, just the largest right now. I have them on both lobes.
Its a really hard decision to even bother getting a 2nd opinion. I simply can't afford it. I can't even really afford the 1st opinion or the surgery. The fact that this is gonna cause me to have to put off transferring even longer, is already tearing me up. I just want to get past this and get on with my life ASAP.

Oh ouch, what a horrid decision. I'm always minimalist re surgery. beest was mid 30s. He turns 40 this year.

I've been reading up on my mom's condition which was Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Type 2B (aka Type 3). They thyroid cancer and parathyroid issues were just 2 parts of the issue, the 3rd was a tumor on her pituitary gland. According to WebMD:
All MEN 2 subtypes are inherited in an autosomal dominant manner. Offspring of affected individuals have a 50% chance of inheriting the gene mutation.

Oh joy.

Sorry mtp.

To top it off, the boyfriend decided to have a guy's night with a friend tonight. Normally not a big deal to me, but I am really really depressed right now. I told him I would be lonely, and asked to come along. His answer? "I don't think Ryan meant for you to come along." WTF? He doesn't even bother to ask said friend, and supposedly all they are doing is playing xbox at friend's house. I can't tell him not to go, that makes me a bitch. Boyfriend didn't even give me decent warning, he came home and was all over me. I hinted that we could do that later since we REALLY needed to go to the grocery store and if we got distracted we wouldn't make it. Then at the grocery store he tells me he's not even going to stay home this evening. Why would someone do that? Why make overtures when you're not even planning on following up? What a jerk.

that's pretty messed up right there. and of course you could have said no. you are you and don't forget that. communication is the absolute key to a relationship. if he does something that makes you unhappy you should say so. otherwise guess what....it'll happen again. just sayin sweetheart. give an inch they take a mile. not to mean be rude or anything but just trying to voice an opinion. if you were to do something he didn't like would he say anything? prolly. chin up chest out be proud! know things aren't going well and it's hard to look on the bright side but if i can do it so can you hun!!

I told him I would be lonely and that I was not happy about it. I can't just say "no" though. That puts all the guilt on me and that is just as bad.

alright yeah....you did give him the hint. ball's in his court with your wrath for a counter serve if you so choose! :D

I'm getting drunk in the bedroom, have already locked the door. He wanted a female free evening? Well he can have a whole female free night, on the couch.

ouch but can't say he didn't ask for it.

Lust and sex are great and all. But, to me, the thing that keeps two people together over the years is how well they take care of each other. Your boyfriend seems to be pretty blatant in not caring.

All the best MTP. I hope everything works out well for you.

If it were me, I would suspect that the "guys' night out" was a deliberate decision he made only after being told that grocery shopping was more important than immediate sex. I had a boyfriend like that once. Wanted it when he wanted it, didn't care when I wanted it, and hated being denied. That shit ended pretty quickly.

He argued that I had turned him down, not just postponed the action. And apparently telling him I would be lonely was not clear enough that I wanted to be with him. After an hour on the couch he came back and apologized and said he was wrong and stupid. I went ahead and forgave him, because I'm too nice and don't like to hold grudges. He seemed to really mean it. I guess that is one of many cons of dating a younger guy with little relationship experience. He has a lot to learn, and I have to be more patient. I am not very good with patience.

Some (most) guys are dumb. You've got to spell it out for us. Hints usually don't work so well. You just need to come right out and say it, or we will miss it entirely.

I don't mean this in a derogatory way, but I think you have a lot to learn too.

You can't expect anyone to read your mind. Saying you'll be lonely just sounds like you want attention for your own sake. If you explain your feelings, that you want to spend time with him because of your rough day, then a caring person will be there for you.

Shutting yourself away and getting drunk is a very immature response, especially to an imagined slight. In my mind, you should apologize for your reaction and work on communicating better.

My wife and I used to struggle greatly with communication. We are much better at it now. And one of the simplest things is to be up front about what we need from each other and why. Also, we never go to sleep with unfinished relationship business.

It is REALLY difficult to be more clear than "I will be lonely tonight...[can I come along]" a bit of the shortened version, but I said all of that. I was not giving a hint and I was not trying to be coy. I told him I was disappointed that he would be all over me, and then tell me a short time later that he was leaving for the evening. The only way to have been more clear would have been to tell him he was not allowed to go. That makes me a bitch and is unfair for me to tell him what to do.

It's not just 'unfair' to tell someone what to do, it's unrealistic. They'll resent you, may take 2 weeks, may take 20 years. My sage old self says that people are going to do what they want to do, and you decide if a continued behavior pattern is going to work for you. You can't change anyone, you can't possibly want someone to be around you just because you said so and they fear your wrath.

I would have been pissed off if someone in my life initiated sex only to be all like "Well, gotta go!" with no forewarning. I wouldn't mind the going part: go, I say...I can watch you leave. However, I might start thinking twice about letting you come back, into my house or into my heart, as convenience dictates.

People need freedom to "do" whatever they're going to do. You can suggest otherwise, and they can acquiesce or not. I think his trying to get sex before he left you in the lurch COULD be chalked up to the "a lot to learn" part, but certainly it is up to YOU to decide, if this behavior continues, if he is really the one for you.

This.
Put the word "husband" in there and that could be me talking.

i'm sad as hell. :(

Can you tell us what's making you sad?

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

Grandad has been going downhill quite quickly. Over the last three weeks he's had multiple falls and become unable to get himself drinks or go to the toilet alone because of this. His appetite has reduced greatly and he has become very confused. He's called Mum in the early hours of the morning thinking it's lunchtime, and asked his Carers to put him back to bed thinking it's evening. Between us the family have been round three times a day and the Carers (paid staff) morning and evening.

So following another fall yesterday afternoon, he was admitted for observation at the hospital. So far, so expected - he is 89 at the end of this month and although it's sad to see things slip so quickly it ot a shock.

The upsetting thing is how badly the hospital is set up to cope with elderly patients. I've heard it before, but I hoped it was isolated cases, or something that was being worked on. That doesn't seem to be the case.

Mum went with him to the hospital at 15.30. He was given a temporary bed in a curtained off area of A&E. She stayed with him until a bed was allocated at 22.00. In all that time no-one came to check on him to see if he needed food, drink or a toilet break.

Visiting hours started at 15.00 today. When Mum arrived she found he had no bedside table (for drinks primarily) no water bottle or glass and as he as high sides to the bed he could not get out and has resorted to incontinence. In the three hours Mum was there the only time she saw the Nurse was when she came in with medication. Two assistants came and changed his pads halfway through the visit.

Dinner arrived - hot soup in a full bowl. Given to an 88 year old with Parkinsons. And a full cup of tea - in a cup rather than something with a lid. The food is not delivered to the patient by ward staff, so it's not their fault. It is simply picked up later by the catering staff with no notice taken as to whether it can possibly be consumed by the patient.

Mum washed Grandad and left him with water and an open tin of food supplemtn drink (prescribed by his Doctor for occasional use) with a straw in it. She also shaved him and combed his hair. Everyone is saying, "Well, he's in the best place..." No, he's not. He does not need specific medical attention (tests for infection have come back megative) but he needs care. There is no alternative place until he is assessed, but in the mean time this is a sorry state of affairs.

Grandad was unsure of where he was, and the ward doctor had not been to visit all day. "Perhaps tomorrow" said the Nurse. No-one can help with this of course.

I'm surprised they don't make the visiting hours longer on wards like this. Surely part of the Big Society would be allowing people to ensure their elderly relatives have basic needs taken care of.

Sorry, equally disgruntled and just sad really.

I feel so sad to know that Grandad is there alone tonight, unable to move, go to the toilet

Another death in the family: my older cousin's wife. Too young to die. I think it may have been complications from anorexia. She was always so nice, though I didn't see them that often.

I'm saddened what our minds do to our bodies. I'm sad that so much is placed and programmed into our wanna-be-pretty heads, that we are never enough unless we love ourselves inside and out. I'm sad how many succumb to eating disorders, and I wonder at how some of us manage to escape. But maybe we haven't. Maybe every diet, every lament, every meal just makes it all loom so large. So important. When it's so not. It's so not a part of who "we", each one of us, are. Not really. Not in the grand scheme.

Ladies, love yourselves. Love every wrinkle and roll and bone and freckle and toe and every speck of your individual mind. We are all different, and I wish we would celebrate our "selves" instead of wishing we looked like someone else. I wish we could all stand and say "I am beautiful, and I don't need you to think so to know it!" I'm guilty, too. :(

I'm sorry for the loss S123.
It is a really sad thing how many of us struggle with image and feeling good about ourselves.

SG: I'm sorry for your granddad, I hope he gets out of there soon!

Sundae - I am so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. I am afraid, truth to tell, there is nowhere equipped or staffed for his needs. My mum (who also had Parkinson's) spent several weeks in a hospital that was specifically a place for old people's mental state to be assessed, but because she was there "temporarily" there were no diversions so one day was identical to the next. She wanted to walk, for exercise, but because she was unsteady on her feet she was constantly told to sit down, and at one point restrained in a chair. She really withdrew there, and went downhill very fast. The goods news is that when she moved from there to a residential home she improved vastly. But in the meanwhile, it was the worst summer of her (and my) life.

Thank you mtp. That was very kind of you to take the time to say. You're a good person.

We jump all over people who dare diss the naked people, but when someone puts their heart out there in the form of dead kitties or dead or ailing relatives, there isn't a lot to be said, right?

Oh Shaw that is so sad. I am sorry for you loss.

SG getting old sucks and watching this happen to our relatives is not easy. Sending you and Shaw a {{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry for your loss Shaw and for what you're going through Sundae.

Virtual hugs for both of you.

so sorry to hear about your loss Shawnee.

And SG - Thank god your mom is there to be with him. :comfort:

sad days.

Shaw, I'm sorry.
I've been close to people with eating disorders, but haven't lost one yet.
I do know the damage people put their bodies through though, and that the complications are far-reaching.

I came back to say things are far better with Grandad and thanks for the kind words.
He's part of a long-ish post about school in the Happy Thread. Lots to be thankful for today.

So sorry Shawnee.

I'm not quite sure why everything is bringing me down today, it just seems to be.
Skimmed a letter form one of Mum's friend's yesterday. I wasn't being particularly nosey - it was on the kitchen table and I know her reasonably well. She lives in Spain now, so they only correspond by letter.

Anyway, the PS was - Hope C has finally sorted herself out?

Nice.
It wasn't even a proper question.

And then today I fond one of the cats had peed in the downstairs toilet.
Not only is this automatically Diz, but it is because he tray is dirty (it wasn't). Also, we pay this backwards and the problems we had with one of the cats peeing in the living room last summer was also Diz. Despite the fact the problem ended when we got HER cat some more Feliway for the bedroom.

Oh and we know all this because Maureen told her I don't clean his tray out enough. Because her cat won't go in a tray he has used once.
Despite the fact that Diz is not benji. Despite the fact that neither Mum nor Maureen know how often I empty the tray (Mum made a comment about the smell in the first couple of months so I never do it when she is around). Despite the fact I use a very different litter, because I have to sleep in the same room as the litter tray.

It's not the fact of the matter. It's the fact that Mum had a conversation about my cat with someone who knows nothing about the set-up and made her decision based on that.

Urgh. Her bloody friends.

And this whole thing with Grandad and Mum being a cross between Mother Theresa and The Lady of the Manor. Yes - there were BIG problems to start with. No he was NOT getting the help he needed and it was a dreadful situation. But now she's just finding things to get worked up about. She then phones up all her horrible friends to tell them what she is having to do, and how hard it is on her, and how no-one is giving her any support as usual. She screamed that at Dad the other night after having a particularly harrowing call telling someone how this would see her into an early grave and she didn't know how she was going to cope much longer.

Her friends have told her to go to the doctor and get some help. What help they can really give a furiously angry and frustrated woman I don't know, because that is her main problem only she won't acknowledge it.

Sigh. I'm doing the same to her as she is to me I suppose. Bitching about how awful she is behind her back. But I can't bear to provoke another incident like we had at Christmas.

I just wish she'd stop taking it all on herself. She does get a kind of low down pleasure from it. She doesn't have to go and feed him every night. The nurses will do that, they know about that. And she knows I will do it for her - I'm doing so tonight. If she really can't trust me to get it right, how come she's not going to Mass on Sunday instead of Saturday so I don't have to? Oh I know - because she knows damn well I've offered to help and can do - as has my sister - but she needs to maintain the fiction that she is all alone in this.

I do feel sorry for her - honestly I do. It's a horrible thing to go through. But I can't break through the shell that she's put up around her vulnerability. I never have been able to. All I get to do is try to make sensible suggestions. And that would work FAR better if I wasn't living here.

Yeah, so back to the top.
I know perfectly well why I'm unhappy today.