Sounds like it would be worth it to let him stay around, then. Sure, you're kind of using him for rent money, but you'll be giving companionship and presumably sex in return. I doubt he thinks this relationship is headed towards marriage either, so as long as you're both happy enough...

but...but..! Clodfobble! You know zipless fucks are harder to do for the females - esp. younger females (younger and younger they get...)

zipless fucks are fine IF you can REALLY do it and not let all those hormones mess with your head. Otherwise, use him for rent money. No sex.

:yesnod:

I was gonna say no way could mtp get away with that, having already had sex with him before... but then I was thinking, she could do something like, "You have to prove you really care about me, and not just the sex. So you can come back, but no sex for 3 months."

Mind you, this isn't an agreement I'd be able to adhere to myself, but I'm not particularly emotional about sex like that. It might work.

FTFY

The sex as a weapon gambit is part of something that MTP is probably rejecting. She has to make her own call on recreational activities, but needs to remember that he will get sex somewhere so using him for rent money without a sexual relationship means he will be bringing women home. Maybe a sit-down to get real about their relationship is in order. "We are roomies nothing more", would be my advice, but I'm just some dude on the web.

For now, I'm going to try to work it out while looking into an escape plan. If he is the best choice, I will stay. I'm not trying to use him, although that is what it seems, but I think its a mutual beneficial situation.

Oh sure, go the mature and responsible route. ;)

Sorry, won't happen again.

What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? ... You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.

Why does HE want to work it out? Tell him he can come back as a roomy. No sex.

There is only one reason a person wants to have sex with someone they tried to manipulate into changing and then subsequently dumping.

Tell him he can live there but to go jump someone else, or more politely, you should both see other people, if there is really anything to work out. I would not make myself available for more hurt. On the other hand, being unavailable will make you more attractive and so, he might do some heroic deed as foot mentioned. If not then he'll just be satisfied with his flop house. I believe that is all he wants is a nice comfy place to go flop and if offered a nice warm body too.

What Sky said, and is it just me or don't you guys think that a prereq for a good roomy is that they are willing and able to pay part of the rent and not hit up their girlfriend for fundage?

I couldn't sleep last night - got maybe 3 hours, and now I have to go in and work a 14 hour shift. :coffee2: 10:00 pm is a 1,000 years away.

Apologies for being dim here but what is that reason if not just to have sex...not being faecetious, I genuinely want to know so that I can be sure I've understood the comment properly.

...and the reason he does a 360 turn around is because he's a user and a loser?

Maybe 'I' missed something. Maybe I missed the part where he was respectful, valuating and contributing, would never try to play on her emotions by getting her to change, then not respecting her for trying but then dumping her.

Not being angry at you, casi or anyone, but I care about someone nice like mtp getting mind, financially and otherwise, fuck'ed.

To me, this is beyond simply wanting to have sex. We all want to have sex.

Calls to mind this blast from the past:

so, I've been working around the house today, finally getting to some projects that have been bugging me for a while--that's good, but . . .

after a couple of hours of this, I'm so tired and in pain, I'm practically crying. My back and hips hurt like hell, I'm barely mobile.

I no longer have the strength or stamina to do much. things are improving slowly because I'm exercising and taking anti-inflammatory and joint supplements, but it still sucks.

I hear ya, Cloud. I take 800mg ibuprophen every single day or I ache like a 90 year old woman.

If I'm going to walk the goggie I MUST take it 30 min. before or my knees, lower back, hips and sacro-iliac joints get so stiff and painful....the S-I joints are the WORST - they can even ache when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep.

Ah, to be 19 again...

TBH - all this stuff happend post-chemo.

Chemo has a lot to answer for - but I suppose it saved my life...I just didn't know I was going to be in pain all the time.

I guess you take the bad with the good, and there's a lot of good in my life right now, so . . . meh

OR, you get yourself to a doctor and see if it's something that can be fixed quite simply.

I think he's basically a good guy, just too immature still. Doesn't really know how he should approach a problem and try to work it, which to be fair, a lot of people don't. I have my flaws, and thats why when he wanted to break up the first time I was willing to work on them, but when I tried point out that he wasn't perfect either, he decided I was attacking him and trying to make him "look like the bad guy." He accuses me of being negative but then tells me I am selfish for giving him advice like: don't try to take full time class and work 50+ hours/week, he thinks I do that in selfishness. Which really hurt, I was just trying to keep him from failing classes or getting too exhausted. *sigh* Anyway, my sister has decided that I probably do need to leave. She and my brother-in-law have offered to let me rent their extra room. It would be mutually beneficial since they could use the extra financial help and maybe I could help my sis with chores and such. My mom thinks we'll fight and I'll put a strain on their marriage. My sis and I get along really well now, so I hope not, and if so, I'll have an end date of when I'll have to have a new place. I think I'm gonna take the offer.

You've been to the doctor then? I'm guessing so since you're on anti-inflammatory drugs and joint supplements. Just keep to it, I'm sure it will be worth it.

I read anti-inflammatory supplements. No Rx required. I'm betting no doctor, but good for you if you did, Cloud, sorry it's not helping yet.

no doctor yet; I'll get there eventually, but I want to see how much I can alleviate it myself first. just hurting today and feeling sorry for myself, I guess.

I mean, what is the doctor gonna say? "you have osteoarthritis. You're old and you're fat. Here's some pills. See me in 5 years for a hip replacement."

(scowls)

OR, you could be damaging yourself further. Trust me, in this game, I'm queen! I have learned through long, hard and painful experience(s), that coping strategies for joint pain can cause more damage and grief in the long run than the original problem. I know you hate bring poked and prodded, but go, find out.

well, I think it's a given that it's degenerative, but I hear you. i will--just not quite ready.

Thanks Sky. That makes more sense now. Cheers for taking the time to explain.

No freaking passports is really pissing me off/getting me worried,

I applied 7 weeks ago, eight weeks before we needed to travel. processing time is 4 weeks for renewals (these are renewals) 6 weeks for new applications. My card was charged three weeks ago. Where are my goddamn freaking passports? :mad:

Minifobette has a cavity on one molar, and "pre-cavities" on three others. She's not even three yet, for crying out loud! The dentist said she's got "one of those mouths," and that the pH of her saliva is the most to blame. To get them filled, we've got to decide if full sedation or pinning her down is the way to go. Big drawbacks to both choices.

full sedation, despite the enhanced "hangover."

how is she with NO2?

Krill oil one of the best for inflammation...

Does he have any suggestions for balancing her pH level? I know she's on a special diet like your other fob, but maybe a certain food or toothpaste could help? Clearly I don't know how these things works. Hopefully, if there is nothing you can do, it will work itself out by the time she has her adult teeth.

They say the pH tends to be genetic, not really connected to diet. Diet provides the sugars, the pH provides the hospitable environment. True enough, I've never had a single cavity, despite a period in childhood where I didn't brush at all for about 2 years. Meanwhile Mr. Clod has battled countless cavities, though he has religiously brushed, flossed, and mouthwashed twice a day for pretty much his whole life. She clearly got his salivary genes, and Minifob got mine.

There are mouth sprays you can use to get the pH a little more in line with whatever level doesn't support bacterial growth, but the effects only last as long as it takes for the liquid to be washed out of your mouth, minutes at best.

NO2 is not okay for her, but there are other anesthetics that are. The problem is that sedation is not covered by insurance, and with the surgery center and the attendants and the anesthesiologist it runs about $10,000 all told. We're going to try to get the dental work piggy-backed onto her sedation for a gastrointestinal scope--the scope may or may not happen, but if it does the sedation will be covered under that procedure.

If it doesn't, we're going to have to opt for the non-sedated in-office cavity drilling. This is not the end of the world, except with 4 teeth it will be a long procedure to have to pin her down for (it won't really hurt, but it will piss her off tremendously,) and what we really want is to seal all 8 molars at once so we don't have to deal with inevitable future cavities until the adult teeth come in. 8 teeth isn't going to happen unless she's sedated.

Holy mackerel, that's a lot of $.

I just got a cc from my insurance re my surgery. of the $2000 billed (so far) the insurance co denied all but $165. What a racket.

Who's going to hold her down? You or a pro? When Hector cut his head to the skull aged nearly 3, the hospital brought in a "professional holder-downer" He was the biz. I was amazed. If the dentist doesn't have one of these, consider employing one rather than doing it yourself. And yes, Hector had major stranger issues then -especially with men as we found out when we needed the stitches removing, but this guy was all Crocodile Dundee on him.

I had pretty much every dental treatment under the sun (baby teeth removed in the chair, braces, palate expander etc...) when I was a kid and now I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE dentists...to the extent that I stopped going to the dentist as an adult as I was petrified of the pain and also of the dentist getting angry with me because I wouldn't sit still in the chair (luckily have now found a dental technician who cleans teeth in a painfree way...bless her). In short, I'd go the general.

ten grand, casi.

Do you use it?

Absolutely! when I run out I feel like the TIN MAN!! Mega Krill made by Schiff is in most drug stores.

Generally it goes that I do the bulk of the gross-motor restraining, and the assistants do the precision work. So in this case it would be me from the neck down, and a tech would hold her head still. They won't do full sedation in the office, but now I'm wondering if I could half-sedate her myself. There's a safe drug called Versed which will make her calm and loopy, AND has the added benefit of inducing amnesia from the time you take it. They gave it to Minifob before both surgeries so he would enter the operating room and take an IV calmly, and it worked great. The dentist likely won't administer it outside of a hospital setting, but I'm thinking maybe he would give me a prescription for one dose, and I would give it to her right before we walk in. Then he could give her the shot of novocaine and go to town, and her sensory problems with people getting all up in her mouth wouldn't be a problem.

Sounds like a wise plan, cf.

I keep on forgetting about the difference in the cost of dental/medical care. In Oz, if you've got private medical which doesn't usually break the bank (although I have been known to complain long and hard about the cost of mine), these things are affordable if you have a decent salary. I'm guessing that's not the case in the US?

We should compare dental records. Mine was a lifetime chain reaction from falling on the playground in 2nd grade and having one of my permanent front teeth jammed up into my head. When I was a kid, going to the dentist/orthodontist was like "meh, don't even bother with the novocaine." As an adult, it was hard to get back to going. And, I paid for it physically and financially when some of my childhood repairs finally gave out. How many root canals can one person have? I expect my years long chronic infection spot deep in my root will also flare up someday. (hey, maybe that's why I am sick all the time?)

So, now, whatever they want to give me I'll take.

No. Fun. At. All. Poor kid.

Yeah. I've still not caught back up. WITH insurance. :(

an update--went to the doctor this morning. Touch of arthritis, probably more bursitis. No damage to the joint, yay! So, lose weight, take anti-inflammatories, yadda, which is what I was doing anyway.

:thumb:

We actually have fantastic medical coverage, and average dental. But our dental insurance says that sedation in particular isn't necessary, it's a convenience. Because normal people ought to be able to just take the shot of novocaine and then lay still while it happens (and I agree, normal people should.) And sedation also ought to be at least somewhat cheaper than that, but the malpractice insurance rates for anesthesiologists are some of the highest in the medical profession, and no one wants to sedate a 2 year old in the first place, so there are only a couple of locations that will do it. And they're the expensive ones.

I sent my SIL an email this am and she wrote back saying she was in Cairo! WTF! She goes to Egypt often but WTF NOW? :neutral:

This and the dislike of brussel sprouts in common too! But, thank god, I've never had a root canal.

Poor thing.

root canals are more tedious than painful, they take a long time. put on some tunes, close your eyes, keep your mouth open...

I hope that I never, ever have to have one, but if I do, I'll follow your advice.

Puh. Typically. However, the other front tooth (the one that didn't end up in my skull) was supposed to have "died." Well, it wasn't "dead" so they were drilling up into a raw nerve. A couple years after the accident, too, they had to drill a hole in the back and leave it open so all the infection stuff could drain out.

My other ones hurt a bit I think because my dentist was quite amazed at how long the roots on my teeth are. It was no small task. The tugging and stuff, that's what's sore later.

It all started with a frenectomy, which I barely even remember. Weirdly, both my brothers had to have that done too.

But, I'm probably playing the "more dentalled than anyone else" card. :rolleyes:

Hey, if you are "more dentalled than anyone else", absolutely fair enough. I say, go for it.

Heh. My mom and I talked about this yesterday. She remembers Dr S calling my house after I'd left a particularly painful appt (I was in HS and was in the habit of driving myself) because he was worried about me driving home. It was just what I did. Go to school, go to practice, go to the dentist/orthodontist. :)

I hate my life.

wassup now?