"Is it cuz they're more likely to stick around anyways?"
 

Probably. And: because one sticks around, one becomes taken for granted, and, with that, the inhibitions of the other fall and shit is sometimes heaped up.

Clod is, of course, right: sometimes it's justified...'course sometimes bashing a head in is justified...the exception is not the baseline.

And, with this topic, the baseline is, again, 'The unfortunate tendency of some (perhaps, many; perhaps most) to treat strangers with more kindness, civility, care, than a friend or loved family member.'

*shrug*

'nuff said.

"no one owes anyone anything"
 

This is fact.

I don't owe kindness, but am inclined to give it freely to the one(s) I love.

Irksome, therefore, when I witness one who professes love for another treat the other as burden, as enemy, as target.

There is an insanity at work in such a scheme.

That's too bad. Clearly the person saying it was trying to hurt you and it speaks only of them and not at all of you. It's easy for me to say this, but you should let it go. It's untrue. It's not a valid piece of information that you should allow into your head.

It's never pleasant to watch someone harm themself.

This is what I wanted to say to anon. Thanks for putting it into words, Glatt.

So true...so sad.

Anyways, I just balanced my checkbook. I am missing $1000. Really??? Crunched the numbers a couple of more times, the balance still came out wrong. Gotta go to the bank and clear this tomorrow. Man, this sucks. :thepain:

Insomnia.

That sucks :(


It's good while since I had insomnia, it's a bastard when it strikes though.

Workplace bullies. Supervisor bullies.



All of this could be avoided if every working person had a knowledge of “workplace bullying and mobbing”. If this is the first time you have heard of it, learn more about it today. Who knows, you might be the serial bullys’ next target. Hopefully, someday, every working person will learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC


http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpres...al-bully-boss/

Oh anonymous! I really sympathise. I have suffered something very like this and it is truly awful. I left the company, but I did start tribunal proceedings for constructive dismissal and I am not allowed to reveal the outcome.
I feel vindicated, but it was so hard at the time. Legislation and working practices vary so I cannot offer you any advice, but you have my strongest sympathy.

Thank you. I've been reading various articles on it and it seems so clear now. The part about the target not being able to understand what just happened in their world, the part where bullies perceive the targets as a threat...

It's like another abusive relationship I was in. I was emotionally abused (along with physical which of course isn't at work) and manipulated. You start to believe there is something wrong with you. It's insidious. It's painful. I never thought it would happen here.

But it's happening. Grievances have been filed by others, very long-time employees who appear to be beaten down but are not. I can appear so too. I am prepared for anything but I won't go anywhere without first expressing what I'm seeing, what I'm hearing. I won't be bullied because they pay me to be. I know the tricks. Just like that relationship. I swore no one would treat me that way again. Not even for a paycheck. But it's on my terms. There will be no resignation from me, if it comes to that. I know my rights.

My favorite part is about how the targets just can't fathom the bully's way of thinking. That's where I'm at. How. Why? Of course, my need to understand the hearts/minds of others and belief that no one can be truly evil is what has made me a target in my personal life.

Thanks for the ear, limey.

Jeez, why do people do that to one another? :(

There's nothing I hate more than people who bully/badmouth a person when that person is clearly a decent individual who did nothing wrong, or at least, nothing to possibly deserve that kind of treatment.

You're welcome! If it helps, at the difficult times remember that I am rooting for you!

Vodka

A new elementary school has been opened near us to serve a growing community of young families. Minifob's Kindergarten teacher told me that she will be transferring there next year (at her request, because her own neighborhood now feeds to this new school and she wants to teach where her kids are.) Well okay, it's not like Minifob could have her again, though I had been hoping that in another year Minifobette might be placed with her.

Then I found out that Minifobette's PPCD teacher is not coming back next year, because she has decided to stay home with her baby. This is a much greater blow, because she is amazing and there is a huge disparity among special ed preschool teachers. Some stories I've heard from moms at other schools, I'd sooner pull my kid out entirely than let her be in a classroom with these people. Plus, I had been relying on her for inside information each year to figure out which teacher would be the best one to place Minifob with, since we do have that right but it does me no good if I don't know the teachers.

Well, at least I'll still have our speech therapist, who has been working with my kids for as long as the PPCD teacher has. She is fantastic and never tries to use candy as a reinforcer.

Ha ha, joke's on me, turns out the speech therapist is going to the new elementary school too. Now there is no one in the building who has any experience with either of my kids. Next year was all settled, and now I'm terrified about it.

I'm guesing you can't transfer to the new school/would be too stressful if you could?

Ask for their recommendations before they go. Do you know/trust the principal/whoever makes the placement decisions?

Hector had a terrible KG year and a new teacher was coming -the teacher Hebe had moved to a different grade. The interim principal (really the media specialist) said "trust me" and I did because although I didn't know her that well, I knew she knew my kids. She put him with the new teacher, I was panicked.... best teacher EVER. Totally turned hector's elementary education experience around.

I might be fine. It really might.

Yeah, you never know Clod. The new teacher might be even better. Try not to stress too much. There'll be plenty of time for that if the new teacher is a piece of shyte.

Yeah, not allowed to transfer Minifobette, and wouldn't want to transfer Minifob. Supposedly his placement has already been agreed to for first grade, with a teacher we're confident about. Except it's more of a handshake thing, since they refuse to officially declare anything until they really do the rosters in August. And I forgot to mention that our principal is also going to the new school. Which is okay, I didn't really like her anyway, but there's no guarantee that the new principal will care about the old principal's promises.

It'll probably all work out fine. The new principal is male, and in my experience male principals are a lot nicer than female ones. And I'm crossing my fingers that the new PPCD teacher will be the maternity leave substitute that everyone liked so much. I'd be happy with her. Still, it's stress I totally didn't need right now.

I have no doubt it will, it's just a matter of how many heads you have to crack to get there. :D

Happy holiday ... sigh :(

No one is in chat :(

Oh classic - that sux!
And MTP, so does that!
Hugs to you both!

Sorry, Classic, my visualisation powers seem to be unreliable lately.

:comfort: to MTP

thanks - The part that really got me was this:
Seriously?!?!?!?!

That really sux classic. I'm sorry you had your hopes up and it's come to nothing. :(

Maybe the universe has something better in mind for you! xx

Bad luck, mate. Hard as it is, try not to be too disheartened about it. Competition for jobs is high. It's a numbers game more than anything. Keep applying and interviewing, and eventually one of them will hit.

*hugs* sucks though.

I am very upset today. I cried for most of it. And all around me people are having a great hokiday in great weather. I can't say why yet, I need to find some resolution for the situation before I can. But I am so miserable, hurt, pissed off, bemused and angry. Apparently when people say "how are you?" They don't really want to know unless you're ok.

I'm sorry, monster. I hope you feel better soon. I agree that "how are you" is almost never an actual question anymore. Around here people say it with a downward pitch inflection, like a statement, and don't even pause to hear a perfunctory "fine." It's equivalent to "good to see you."

Which is really frustrating when you are not well and wish you could tell someone about it.

I think most people expect you to say something positive or at least not negative, so it's usually fun when you go through the check out and the girl says, "Hi, how are you?" to then launch into just what sort of a shit day you've had and explain why your three year old will be lucky to see four, and how your teenagers are spawn of the devil, and your husband is a useless see you next tuesday sometimes and how the cats pissed on the mat AGAIN, and the dog keeps getting out even though the fence is fortified better than fort knox. [breath], and then you ask how the check out chick is and she looks at you like you're some kind of a crazy woman.

Yep, most people don't really care, so sometimes, it's good to make them realise that there's no point asking unless you really really want to know. ;)

I hope things get better for you monster. It sux when something really goes wrong. xx

I think most people expect you to say something positive or at least not negative, so it's usually fun when you go through the check out and the girl says, "Hi, how are you?" to then launch into just what sort of a shit day you've had and explain why your three year old will be lucky to see four, and how your teenagers are spawn of the devil, and your husband is a useless see you next tuesday sometimes and how the cats pissed on the mat AGAIN, and the dog keeps getting out even though the fence is fortified better than fort knox. [breath], and then you ask how the check out chick is and she looks at you like you're some kind of a crazy woman.

Yep, most people don't really care, so sometimes, it's good to make them realise that there's no point asking unless you really really want to know. ;)

I hope things get better for you monster. It sux when something really goes wrong. xx

Monster I am so sorry to see this. It's a bummer when people won't hear what you say, especially if they seemed to be interested ... Hugs from across the water for you.

Oh I was just being facetious with the last bit. It's hard to trot out the required "fine" when really you're not.

Into the lion's den this morning. Really I should just walk away at this point, but too many sacrifices have been made that can't be unmade, too many complex arrangements. I may be "throwing good money after bad". But I know that I will think less of myself if I just walk away, even though I shouldn't. For my kids, I will do it.

Does the NHS ignore everyone, or just me?

Got referred for an X-ray by the GP yesterday, was told the hospital would call yesterday or today... they did not.
I tried to call before 5 but they were busy and there was no way to leave a message or queue... so I called just after 5 and they were closed, of course.
Left them a message. Hope it made sense. Hope they damn well call me back tomorrow.

Meanwhile I'm being a total hypochondriac over here. I know it's irrational and I need to quit worrying, but it's hard. The human mind is geared to seek answers, and we find an extended period of simply not knowing tricky to accept. This is why we have religion, and this is why I have hypochondria. Blarg.

Edit: So I got a call back, awesome sauce. Got an appointment for Thursday. Will try to relax for now.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!



FUCK!!!!

FUCK!!!!
__________________
OBAMA IN 2012

Fuck them all. All.

:)

Fuckles. As a young friend of mine is wont to say ...

I don't know what we're all fucking about but allow me to add: fuckity fuck fuck!

don't know where the designated "mock the homophobes" thread is, so I post this here. I can't really mock the four year old singing it, I grieve for him. I mock the idiocy of the irresponsible adults around him.

It's pathetic, really, teaching hatred to children.

God, I feel slightly ill after watching that.

Canker sore


top *that* mothertrukkers!

Put some probiotics directly on it. Good ones, the refrigerated kind. Any regular pharmacy should have some behind the counter, possibly under the brand name Lactinex, but no prescription required in any case. Open the capsule or envelope and just pack the powder right on like a wad of chewing tobacco. It will taste like ass, but hold it there as long as you can. Canker sore will be gone within a day.

Umm. Okay, long time not been here. Just wondering ... where does integrity disappear and self-preservation take over? Been trying to negotiate a 'civil' divorce, only to see the soon-to-be-ex-spouse make $340,000 disappear. Nice magic trick. Does anyone ever successfully negotiate a civil divorce? Is there such a thing? I cringe at the prospect of lawyering up only 23 days from D-Day. Am I a hopeless, laughable idealist?

That's what's upsetting me today. :(

That sounds like a shitful situation ortho. Might be an idea to hire a lawyer AND an investigator if the spouse is doing dirty stuff.

I was trying to avoid lawyering up ... but when stb-ex pulls shit like this ... I feel like such an ass. D-day is July 6, and I was hoping we could get there and just divide everything equitably. It would've been worth it to avoid the legal acrimony. Now I just feel like a chump. Guess it's time to find a human pit-bull.

I don't know...I wonder too about integrity. My marriage was 'dissolved' (sounds like an Alka-Seltzer) and I basically took what was mine and left. I don't know what drives people to fight and take: certainly there was love there at one time and shouldn't that be respected? But something takes over, it seems. Revenge? Or friends saying "get ALL you can" as a couple of my friends suggested. It's such a hard thing to go through why do people make it harder? That's a part of human nature I don't get. And I find it's more often than not the fairer sex is playing the fairer sex card (helpless. helpless like a viper) and it seems to be almost expected.

So I DO get where you're coming from but have no advice, legal or otherwise, except keep your integrity and your idealism, but don't let yourself be a doormat.

I hope it gets better. Keep in touch.

I'm with infi, there. Unfortunately, you're not the first dwellar to have been surprised by their erstwhile spouse making off with the cash.

Narcissism is the big player in stb-ex's case. He sees nothing wrong with anything he does and is offended if others don't have absolute faith in his assertions and actions. (I'm the fairer sex part of this situation, actually.) So I fully expect him to claim everything's good and be angry if I don't continue to trust him (!). I was hoping to do this quickly and not go adversarial. I just want to get away, even if it means accepting a little less. But it looks like things'll go into the toilet.

ortho, looking at your usertitle and sig line I'm reminded of a little picture a cow orker gave to me. It's a frog with his hands behind his head, kicked back, and it's captioned: not a single fuck shall be given today. :)

Heh heh ... I like it! Maybe I'll change my sig line. I found the meme page for it ... too funny. I can use some right about now.

Imma do this today. Thnx codfobble.

Our former cat, who is being fostered by our next door neighbor, is not doing well at all. He is entirely skin and bones. Our neighbors adopted a young male stray and after a long-ass time they finally fixed him. Now the young turk is constantly harassing the old cat and won't let him eat. He's starving and coming over to our house and staying outside in the rain because the young one won't let him in the house. Our neighbors are oblivious and unwilling to deal with the situation at all. Spouse person brought our old cat back into the house tonight. :(

I wish I had popped a cap in the stray's ass when he was still an unfixed stray.

Is it really too late for him to have a misadventure? I hold no love for my former cat, although I feel a bit of loyalty to him. The new cat is also an asshole.

I wouldn't really care except nuclear sentiment is for bringing the old cat back to our house. This might be the tipping point for me.

Find yourself a young stray who will harass your spouse and let neither old cat nor old spouse back into the house.

Beest likes roses. I've planted him roses. The yellow climbing rose at the back I planted a couple of years ago was just coming into its own this year, looking awesome with lots of blooms, and I somehow caught it in the lawnmower wheel and ripped it all to shreds as I was mowing before I left. I have come back from camp to find none of it survived :( I now he's trying to graft it back on, but there's a big empty gap opposite the pink climbing rose on the other side of the deck steps.

No, sexobon, I will not rip out the pink one to make the gap less obvious.

Next time it won't be so easy ... :tinfoil:

Give it up. Get a lawyer or you will be buttfucked in court.

Hi orthodoc :)

We've discussed this question before. Here's a link to a thread I created back in the day on the subject. It is a good thread, with lots of helpful comments by other posters. I didn't contribute much because at the time, my head was exploding along with my marriage. I faced the same confusing situation; I wanted my marriage to remain intact and I wanted my own life to remain intact. I wondered about how to reconcile my loyalty to my (former) spouse, her loyalty to me, and my reaction to the extreme measures she'd taken at the beginning of our divorce. It was terrible.

I don't like conflict. I find most conflict upsetting. I can't speak for your husband, and I've read your questions several times over and I'm still uncertain whose integrity is disappearing and whose self preservation is taking over. But regardless, I *do* know this: you can't control what the other person's doing or thinking. You can influence it, to some degree, but ... not much, really. What you can control (mostly) is your reaction, your response to the situation.

That's really good news and here's why. You have to live with yourself in the future. What you do now is what you'll have to look back on someday. Do the right thing, now, *for you*, and you will minimize the regrets you will face later. If being civil is very important to you, be civil. If having a fair financial settlement of your assets is important to you, work for that. If retaining possession of a particular object is important to you, secure it. Find out what is important to you, write it down. No, write them down. Then look at the list and identify which ones you can accomplish on your own and which ones require cooperation (or compulsion) of another person, likely your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. This list, it is probably not filled with mutually exclusive items. You can probably do many of them without having to sacrifice others. The ones you can do alone, do them. The ones that take two people, you need to have a plan how to get those done.

Just like any other group effort, how to reconcile competing agendas and motivations, how to engender a spirit of cooperation and civility, how to stay on target and reach your goals is a multi-faceted task. I can't advise you on how to do this. I would urge you to keep a couple things in mind as you work through this. Keep in mind your own worth. Keep in mind you need to take care of yourself, and that YOU are the primary person responsible for that and the person who has the most power to achieve this. Keep in mind the items on your list, and their relative priority. Keep in mind this is a long term process, months or years long for different aspects. Also keep in mind this whole process can easily bring out the worst in anyone, yourself included. Adjust accordingly for yourself and for the others.

Look after yourself. Be good to yourself. Be as good to others as you can be while caring for yourself too. Ask for help and support. You have a source of it here, but other friends and professionals (lawyers, etc) have their place. Don't be a hero. You have a long, (likely) crappy road ahead of you. Pace yourself.

Keep checking in, ok?

good luck with that orthodoc. i tried that civil thing and yeah, didn't work out so well. definitely get a lawyer.

my roommate right now is in surgery getting his spinal L1, 2 & 3 fused together right now. i'm going to be a nervous wreck all day.