I was just wondering about you a day or two ago ...
Ortho - more hugs coming atcher from waaaay over here. I'd say whatever you do do NOT let him come to your new place - try to keep that free of any taint of him. In fact, can you arrange to only meet him in a public place (coffee shop?) with a third party present (if you must meet him at all?), which might inhibit his inappropriate remarks? Though I'd much rather you didn't meet him at all.
Sorry that your attempts to be civil seem not to be appreciated. Maybe scorched earth is the only way to protect yourself moving forwards?

Ignore the text. Don't meet him until Thursday, don't agree to any changes or anything new. If he doesn't sign as planned then :( take it from there, but if he does and it's the deal you were happy with before....it might just happen. All that twaddle about income reduction is BS to try and get back in charge. Typical bully shite. Keep being strong.

I agree, I don't want him ever to set foot in my place here, not ever. I changed my plans and will stay with one of my sons tonight, not in smalltown, and will just drive up very early tomorrow for the attorney appointment. And wouldn't you know, stbx texted me first thing this morning wanting to know exactly when I'm arriving in smalltown - wanting to get together today during the day. I won't see him until tomorrow; very thankful my son offered the alternative plan.

I've spent the morning crunching numbers and thinking about the current offer/plan, and it's still probably worth doing if things come together tomorrow. I'm a bird-in-the-hand sort of person generally. But if things fall apart ... Plan B.

It's hard for me to see the bullying and control stuff when he's acting pathetic and pretending to be friendly ... but strip away that stuff and look at the content of his texts and I want to smack him. He's reneging on his promises to the kids. :mad2: Well, I'll make sure they're all right - but if he reneges none of us will ever speak to him again. If I go with Plan B he'll certainly renege - either way, I'll have to grow a pair and give him a reality check. Guess it's time. :mad:

If you know you're going to have to meet him for some reason, wear an old housecoat, torn stockings, uncombed hair, and a runny nose can't hurt.;)

Having a witness present might be a good idea.

Seriously, there is no reason you should have to meet him alone, and it would give you a reason to keep trying to keep things businesslike and get matters dealt with.

Yeah, I'd avoid one to one meets for now. You're strong, but that doesn't mean you aren't vulnerable to his emotional blackmail. He's had years to hone his tactics and find your weak spots. Don't give him the opportunity to use that.

As much as you want this done with, and as much as you want things friendly (if that ship has not already sailed, as I suspect it might have) you also need to protect yourself. Not just from the financial loss, or even the potential for actual harm, but also from the emotional impact he is able to have on you. Don't underestimate the amount of pull he could still exert if you're at a low ebb. He's clearly more than willing to try and use that to his own financial advantage and to your, and the kids', financial disadvantage. Waving the difficulties "you'd" be bringing on your children by doing this is about as shitty as it goes. Like a spoilt child who's suddenly been told 'no' and is trying to wheedle and tantrum by turns.

Like a smoker clearing their house of all cigarettes and ashtrays when they're giving up, don't put anything in your way to trip yourself up.

My Land Rover Discovery is at it again, it's been a few months since I had to sink money into it so I guess it was inevitable! Drove it 2 or 3 times earlier this week and within blocks of my home 2 lights (M&S) on the dashboard start flashing and the transmission goes into limp home mode. I stop and restart the car and it is fine for a mile or so and then it does it again. No engine codes or anything. I did some online research and is sounds like something called the XYZ switch which is on the side of the transmission and it handles gear changing. Apparently the AC drain hose is right over it and it eventually gets water in it. But I really need it to through the Check Engine light so I can read a code. Another great Land Rover design fail!

So I looked at replacing it and a new one is $700! For a FUCKING switch??? I can get a used one on Ebay for $125 but it may or may not work and for how long.

Wow. It's done. I didn't arrive in smalltown until this morning at precisely the appointment time with the lawyer, so avoided the one-to-one meeting trap. I was able to stay with one of my sons last night and watch some fireworks that were fantastic - spent a great evening, and my son was very supportive about today. He canceled his plans to spend the afternoon and evening with me!

The lawyer kept it short and sweet and, to my surprise, stbx signed off and it'll be done within a few days. I walked out feeling a little unsure of my feet - couldn't believe it.

The moment we got outside, stb-x started in on money - how, now that he's been so 'generous', we have to change the verbal arrangement about the kids. I shut. him. down. Told him nothing doing, our original agreements all still stand. Didn't tell him he dodged a major bullet - if he thinks he's been generous, it's nothing to what could've been. I'm going to keep that in reserve for when he gets persistent about $$, as he will. (If he reneges on the kids, of course I'll keep them going. I just won't be his bullied silent partner.) He quickly backed down, saying he wants to stay friendly because - wait for it - he seriously wants me to remarry him in two years. He really thinks that will happen.

If he really thinks that, I have a bridge to sell him. :eyebrow:

Now that it's done, I don't feel the same intimidation I did before, the worry that everything would blow up and I'd spend years in court. Even if I walk away with a little less, this is totally worth it. There'll be no reason for him to be checking up on me, as there would be if I'd gone for permanent alimony. I just don't want him to have any justification for stalking me.

So ... wow. On my way to Canada to be there for my dad's surgery, and I just can't believe it. Thank you, guys, all your good advice and support has been a godsend. And Bruce, if - IF - I have to meet with him again I'll definitely go the old housecoat-torn stockings-runny nose route!! :p: Great idea!!

Oh what great news! I hope your Dad is OK and how fabulous that you can go and see him with that behind you!

*wide smile*

Oh Ortho, how fucking magnificent is that? You're on your way chickadee. My best wishes and congratulations on your stb-x-free future :)

Congrats! Good for you.

Chris - I feel your pain. There is now something wrong with the Jeep AGAIN!
The air only works through the defroster vent. Cannot get air to blow through the floor vents nor the dash. AND the Cruise control is nonfunctional as well. Oh effin joy.

Thanks guys - am very relieved.

Joining the car whinge club. In the shop agaian today -brakes- some of it warrantied some of it not. Just had a $940 repair bill a month ago (suspension) Fucking car needs to be replaced. On top of that, the friend I drove to the airport Tues said as I was driving Oh, if your car breaks down the car's in the garage and the keys are.... i assumed on the table/counter didn't really listen becuase i just got the damn thing fixed....... Could I find the keys anywhere in the entire house? nuh-huh so We all had to walk in the 100+ humd temps and Swimmer Girl had to miss practice. becuase it was 5am where the firend was, and she doesn't answer her cellor text at the best of times anyway..... She'llprobably tell me where they are sometime Sunday. Whine Whine Whine.

Yes, please, a little brie and some water crackers would be lovely.

Not really upsetting...but I cant be arsed looking for the other threads.....today I went over to my neighbours (who are away) with one of my other neighbours and we tidied up their yard as their dog (Blueheeler) was quite destructive in her boredom and dug up all the vegies and made a mess....(I also watered their 3 "pot" plants I found - how good a neighbour am I??)

When I stod up after weeding, I felt something kinda prickly in my pants...we have a lot of prickles up here, and although I couldnt figure out how it got up that high (above mid thigh), I shoved my hand down my pants and PULLED OUT A MASSIVE FUCKING HUNTSMEN SPIDER!!!! (Google it, I dare you).

Even now as I sit here, I can feel its prickly little legs......ewwwrrrewwwrr.

Ewww. And by ewww, I mean jesusfuckingchristnoway*majorshudders*

Eeeewwww .... I think that qualifies as upsetting!! I took the dare - that is one gigantic, horrid thing.

harmlessharmlessharmlesshaaaaaaaahhhhhgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT
KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT
KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT OMFGKILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT
KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT
KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT

I would scream like a Girl and flail about trying to get that big hairy fucker off me

INFI - DO NOT GOOGLE IT!

To my credit...it lives and breathes now. I flung it far enough to qualify for Olympic discus ...but it lives to torment again.

Ah Ducky, so hot even the spiders are trying to get in her pants. ;)

haha...a spider in the pants. Enough to spoil just about anyone's day! lol

Sorry...my lack of sympathy is astounding, but I am imagining the scene of the crime. lol It would have been funny.

I was gonna watch "The Daily Show" earlier, but when I browsed my personal channel list, Comedy Central wasn't there. I just checked Google News, and saw this.

Its ok, I wasnt really looking for sympathy.

In my typical fashion, I am very calm at the time of the incident, but I certainly shuddered and checked my pants every 5 minutes for a good few hours afterwards.

Today whats upsetting me is Jackson is feeling a bit under the weather, poor puppy.

I think the sandflies are giving him hell because he's scratched himself raw above his tail, he doesnt have fleas because he gets treated. I have wiped him over with some tea tree oil to deter the little bastards and put some Itch-Eeze on his sore bits...its Antiseptic and Anaesthetic. A bit of couch time with the wriggling 52kgs and hes a bit happier.

I was going to take him for a walk, but he will go in the salt water (which will be good for his sore), which will wash all the stuff off that I just put on him.

PLEASE DEAR GAWD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO NOT WALK OUT OF HERE TODAY. PLEASE!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

You can do this. Let's get that resume shined up though. Leave on your schedule not theirs.

Thanks, Griff. That's what I keep telling myself.

And my cow orkers are wonderful. We're all feeling the same way, but that doesn't alleviate any of the crap, and my health is really suffering. I wish I could take these kinds of things in stride, and know that in the long run it's of little importance.

I think a lot of it is worrying I'd disappoint my family or make my mom and dad worry about what will become of me.

I know I keep going over and over this and I appreciate that I can vent here, but I just don't know how much longer I can hang on. Do I think the consultants are going to make a difference? I don't really know. I have a proposal on the direction I think this job should go, and what should be on my plate and what should not. I can't do any of it well because there's just too much. And I can't live with that nagging feeling that I'm doing a half-assed job at what I was hired to do. But they misrepresented this position, and I've never had a moment of job ownership or time to update, upgrade, fix processes, hone processes: the things I was hired to do, there is no time for.

So you're right, I need to get my resume updated and start looking. I'll most certainly have to take a pay cut, but I can't keep on going like this.

Infi, can you get a written commitment about when the consultant's report will be done, and implemented by?

If you have a job you like doing, are good at, and feel you are making the world a little better by doing, that is a valuable asset. I do regret quite a bit about losing/leaving my former job - but I don't miss the bullshit from the narcissistic middle-manager.

Consultant hasn't even come yet. Two schools of thought: either it's just a pretty bow to tie on the manager and act like they give a crap, or this consultant will actually listen to each of us.

I have ideas, some really good ideas, on how to do things better. It'd be nice to be heard, it'd be nice if things could change and I could stay here.

You sound really old and wise when you post stuff like this.

There *is* more to a job than just the money, no matter how much money there is. Now, of course I've never had a million dollar contract, so I can't say how life is at that rarefied level. Maybe I could learn to love the "bullshit from the narcissistic middle-manager" or any other kind of bullshit. But life-sucking bullshit has been a part of every job I've ever had. Sometimes that cost was almost equal to the paycheck; usually it wasn't close.

The larger point is that you spend a *LOT* of time at work. Liking it is important. Pay is important too. But if it hurts you, if it tears down your mental or physical health, that should be a sign to look elsewhere. It's like any other pain. It's a signal that something needs to change.

A cow orker said yesterday (as I was lamenting my situation: too much to do and I'm trying to take my goddam vacation I haven't taken in 2 years) that the VP told her "A new day is dawning."

Which gives me some hope.

I might be losing my Turbo...while Im in Tucson taking care of my Mom for a month.

I hope he doesn't go. I hope he can wait until I can come home to hug him one last time.

My best friend from childhood just had a miscarriage. :(

And this morning I cut the ever-loving shit out of my thumb. This happened at basically the exact time she was receiving the news, it turns out, but I don't ascribe any supernatural significance to this as I tend to cut and burn myself all the damn time in the kitchen. But now every time my thumb hurts, I am reminded of her and get sad all over again.

I'm sorry, Clod.

Pain - physical, psychological, spiritual, emotional ... I don't know that it makes us stronger. For the most part, it sucks.

Who do I have to blow to get an avatar here?

sorry clod :(

Ach Clod, sorry to hear that.

@ Pico: ah babe, that's hard. My heart goes out to you and Turbo.

Me

::drops trou::

Actually, we don't use em. We're purists.

Thanks Dana, looks like it might be a false alarm, but I havent gotten an update from my husband today, but he was giving him quite a scare. Hopefully he is just missing Pico and me. (We are both in Arizona).

Save your pucker, there are none.

Today I feel ill. I was sick most of the night last night. Kept waking up with stomach cramps and really bad indigestion...and before any of you start, it's not the baby coming! It's way too early (by at least 6 weeks, and they weren't those sorts of pains). I'm almost certain this feeling is because of stress brought on by a situation that occurred yesterday.

This is the story.

You might remember me mentioning that Aden has had the same g/f for over a year now and they're pretty serious. Recently they had a bit of a falling out and decided to cool it for a while. During this time, I haven't really been happy with how Aden has handled himself. I think he's treated his g/f badly, mainly by just totally cutting her and being a general arsehole about their communications. I have not been proud at all, and have spent some amount of time trying to tell him how his behaviour is not good and how I'd thought I'd taught him a bit more compassion etc etc. All those things you say to kids to try to appeal to their better nature.

So anyway, over the last few days they've been talking again and making murmurings about missing each other and getting back together, so after school yesterday, Aden went over to M's place so they could 'talk' things through and decide if it's what they wanted.

Instead of talking, they ended up in the sack.

M's Mum walked in.

Aden called me and said he and M had had words and would I come pick him up.

So I did.

Turns out they've been having sex for about 6 months now.

Anyway, this is a big challenge for me because I don't agree with 15yr olds having sex, but I take some consolation in knowing that at least they're in a relationship and it's not mixed up with booze and partying, which is of course how it happens for a lot of kids that age.

So, I don't know whether to punish him or just let life take its course. I know for one thing that he will be on a very short leash as far as spending time with M if they can get over this latest hurdle. Aden is of course worried that her parents are going to hate his guts now. I said it would be understandable if they did, so he needs to man up about it and face the music if he's going to try and be a part of their daughters life.

so anyway, thinking about all this is what's upsetting me and making me feel ill.

Sorry, Ali. I think you handled it as well as anyone could have. As for punishment, I would personally only be in favor of it if they were doing it unprotected (and if so, the hammer would be coming down pretty goddamn violently...) But I also know that I have an extremely casual attitude towards sex in general, and many teens are not prepared to be as mature about it as I would like to think, so I could easily be wrong in that regard.

Aden promises they were using protection. I hope that if they continue their relationship, M might consider taking some of the responsibility too. Since they were both virgins going in to this, at least the risk of STD's is minimal, but pregnancy is obviously not. Aden has big plans for his future. I'd hate to see those plans fall to pieces because he needs a job more than he needs an education.

I'm like you Clod in so far as being pretty relaxed about sex. I just wish they could have waited another year. At least they'd both be seniors then, and Aden would be just about out of school.

I'm feeling a bit better now it's all out in the open although I can only imagine what Dazza will have to say when he gets home from his latest trip. He's a shit load more conservative than I am, so I doubt I really need to say much more about it. I'm pretty sure Dazza will cover it. lol

Here's a picture of them. They really are so cute together.

Attachment 39933

I'm just finding this out now?

WTF?

What's your general attitude toward casual sex?

^WHS^ funny - that caught my {eye} too.


@Ali. yup that's about the age nowadays. Frightening. I think you covered it pretty well.
This may be one of those situations where a guy's perspective will be better received.
(Insert Dazza here)

Ali I really wanted to have sex with my boyfriend when I was 15 and he was 16.
We went pretty much all the way there. Unprotected. We were both intelligent, educated and well aware of birth control and how to obtain it, but the sheer rush of hormones at that age is so hard to control. He came from a strict Baptist family, I came from a Catholic one. Neither of our parents ever found out how close we'd come to sex and both would have been appalled. We would have been considered dirty, out of control, bestial.

I can't imagine being on the parental side of the fence. As a 15 yo I thought it natural, wonderful, exciting and the best feeling I had ever experienced. As an adult, wondering whether you are "condoning" something harmful to your child must be agonising.

All I can suggest is keep thinking it through, keep loving him and keep encouraging him to talk, even though that will make him squirm. And for goodness sake encourage him to put one on. Just because this girl is special and right and truthful about protection, not every girl will be. And if he doesn't get in the habit of wearing a condom he's into a statistics game that can have life-changing consequences.

Look at what happened to my niece. She didn't learn first time round and is now going through the baby blues with a vengeance. She's been hit with the clarity hammer; this isn't like grinding away for an exam, where you get a round of applause, a certificate and a nice long rest before starting again. This is now 24/7 responsibility.

He's a good boy and you're a good parent. And very few 15 year old boys behave well to ex girlfriends. Too much testosterone, pride and a certain amount of immaturity (especially as you now know sex was in the mix). You talked to him about it - he'll get through that phase with a woman's perespective on hand. She's obviously forgiven him for that part at least.

Try not to hurt yourself too much over this.

I'm with you Ali. I feel like its too young, but we can't deny reality. Is M's mom going to be rational about this or are the kids going to be pushed into sneaking around?

Biologically, they are ready for this.

Psychologically and emotionally ... maybe. But most people do most things without being really ready for them, and survive.

Socially, it would be a boost for him, and I think nowdays for her too - provided it's just one guy.

Legally, they're both underage, but given that they're the same age, the police probably wouldn't do anything.

So, as a non-parent, I wouldn't be too worried about it, provided they are double safe - pill and condoms. Even properly used, condoms have a failure rate.

Better they are doing it in a house where they are safe than some dodgy teen hangout by the old sewage works or whatever.

FTFY

Fix your face

•spoken in to my phone

You can put an avatar on your profile page.

I've never considered sex to be some sort of sacred physical act, separate from all the other options. As a teen I always figured, it was a straight yes or no answer--if I was willing to kiss you, I was willing to sleep with you. (And no, I was not willing to kiss the vast majority of boys. But for the ones I was, I would have kissed/slept with them on first offer and not thought twice about it.)

But I did learn the hard way that many people don't feel this way. I had one early boyfriend who, in retrospect, I think I probably pushed into it too soon, not by actually pushing but by being so casual about the topic that he may have felt he needed to rise to the challenge (nyuck nyuck nyuck.) Another one had massive insecurities and a significant need for nurturing, and our relationship largely dissolved because I didn't realize I was supposed to be providing that until it was way too late.

This was my m.o. as a teen--I was on the pill, but I always lied and said I wasn't so that the boys would know they had to use condoms and never try to talk me into skipping them.

He's not doing too badly, and now he's got a nasty cold. Not sure if karma had anything to do with that, but it's punishing him. lol He's still talking to me about things, and better than before now it's out in the open, so that's all I can ask for at this stage.

I sent an email to M's Mum explaining my thoughts and letting her know that I'm disappointed in Aden, but that it does take two to tango, so they both bear the burden of responsibility in this. I haven't heard back from her at this stage, and I really have no idea how they're going to manage the situation long term. The kids are a bit lost in the woods too I think. They're not sure what the next move should be so they're biding their time. So far no gun toting fathers though, so that's a good thing.

I think the legal age in Qld is 15, and Aden went to some lengths to explain to me that they waited till they were both 15. At least they thought that much through. lol

The challenge I have is not approving of it happening at all, and not wanting to encourage it by providing a 'safe place' for them to have sex. I'm not going to just say, yeah go ahead and do it in my house, but I suppose they will when they think no one's around, and I can't really help that other than to make them stay in the communal areas all the time and be constantly supervised, and honestly, I don't think that sort of behaviour breeds trust or maturity.

I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things all work out.



And now for more good news. Mav has finally found himself a girlfriend, but she's a couple of years older! She's a lovely girl though, and I don't care about the age difference really, but I imagine I'll be dealing with the whole sex issue fairly constantly from now on. *sighs*

I'm too old for this shit!

Who knew you were such a romantic?

:p:

I know, right? And yet for some reason, most of my boyfriends' parents have disliked me. Go figure.

Aden's girlfriend is very pretty, by the way Ali. At least if she did get pregnant they'd make some really good looking babies...

Yeah, I guess that's one plus. lol I'd rather not contemplate that idea too much though.

The fathers knew ... they. just. knew.