Seconded.

thx. i need it. this is not easy. then again, i knew it wouldn't be. i've already fallen. i'll get up and dust myself off and try again.

Good luck dude.

Terry Gross interviewed Anna Quinlin this week on her radio show. Anna's description of her relationship with alcohol was so close to mine it was a good check on the old we don't really have a problem voice.

day 8. still new at this so i'm anon for now.

Good luck with the try. Recognize the little victorys.

For all the animosity I harbor for 'having this disease' and 'having to treat it' via what is, essentially, witch-doctor/voo-doo medicine (how many other progressive, terminal diseases are treated with talk therapy and spiritual transformation?) I am always dying to get back to the way I felt before I relapsed. Feeling good in the morning, being in control of myself, NOT having the police come over, etc., is how I want to live/be. So why would I jeopardize that and all the good feelings I get for a drink that will only lead me down a dark and dangerous, potentially fatal, road??

That is the Big Question for alcoholics. Why? It makes no sense! It's insane! It's also part of the disease. And the best the medical community can say is, "Did you go to meetings?" that's their remedy.

Some day - I swear - there will be a real, lasting, medical cure based on science. They will find out what makes an alcoholic an alcoholic and de-activate whatever it is that does it. People will look upon the days when addicts were treated with 'meetings' and 'sponsors' the way we look upon the days when schizophrenics were chained up and beaten and deemed possessed by the devil.

It is insane. makes no sense at all. When I'm at work, I don't think about it. I'm too busy. However, when I'm at home doing whatever, there's that "trigger" that goes off in the back of my head that says "a beer sure would be good right about now." At least it doesn't last too long. When it does happen i quickly occupy myself with some task around the house. Whatever works, right??

Day 9. And I'm not drinking today.

hang in there, anon. like I said, when I'm in withdrawal, I'm dying to get back to sober!

My friends daughter has been in rehab now for several months. She has about 4 or 5 to go in the program run by the Salvation Army. Last Friday she came home for the weekend and I was sort of in charge of her because her Mum was away.

Anyway, her brother and I are pretty certain she snuck away from the footy game we were all at (junior match at an unlicensed venue) and took herself to the local pub for a couple of quick drinks.

Her counsellor says it's up to her to be in charge of herself at times like that and that it's not my fault, even if I do feel that I was supposed to be watching her. Anyway, when she went back to the facility and they did the usual urine and blood tests, she came up clean, so if she did slip, it can't have been much. Hopefully she wont do it again. If she does, she'll lose her privileges.

And that's exactly right. You can lead a horse to water so to speak. There is only ONE person that can help and that is themselves. Sure, the state can make you go to AA or family can put you in rehab but all that does is cause rebelliousness and animosity. It absolutely will not work unless that person has made the conscious, determined decision to quit. Quitting is easy. I've done it a thousand times. It's staying on track that's the hard part.

Another thing that gets me, and I'm guilty of it too, is listening to an alcoholic or user say "the next time I drink/use I'm going to do it different." Really? And just what was it you did before that was different from now? You wound up right back in the same place, the same misery, the same loneliness (insert fucked up situation here).

The way out of the above scenario is to NOT go back and try to do it differently. Don't go back at all. I/we can't. God I hope I don't.

A very dear friend of mine has over 3 years sobriety. He'd "lecture" me when i was hung over, or so I thought he was but he really wasn't. He'd tell me things that I already knew. Didn't want to hear them, but I did listen. And I watched. I watched how he was living now as opposed to before. There is a light about him. A proud, I am ME attitude about him. Healthy, vibrant, full of life etc..... I want that. I miss that. I still haven't told him about my decision. Hell I've only told I think 2 people. I don't trust myself. I am stubborn. Very stubborn as a matter of fact.

Two more weeks and I'll come clean.

day 9, in like flint. :)

It is TOTALLY not your responsibility to keep her sober, Ali.


that is all up to her. Don't waste a minute wondering about it. She makes her choices.

This girl is 25, so you're right Bri, she is responsible for herself. She agreed to go to rehab because she has a daughter who was taken from her by the girls father and the courts because of her drinking.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. No one's perfect. I just hope she can stick to her guns and win the battle. She's so much nicer even after only a few months sober. She was just a total bitch before she started rehab.

btw anon, keep up the good work. If others can do it, so can you. :)

Bri, have you ever had a doctor suggest Naltrexone? I don't have any idea how appropriate or effective it would be in your situation, but I was reading about it recently. Disrupts the opiate receptors in the brain so you fundamentally don't get the high from just about anything that's supposed to make you high. Doesn't work for all people though, just like everything.

Yeah, I've even been on it. I've even tried the oldie goldie Anabuse! the only problem with those things is that --- you can always just stop taking them. Which is what I would do. It was suggested to me that trying to control my alcoholism from the outside (from somewhere outside myself) was always going to fail. If I wanted to drink badly enough, nothing could stop me. I joke that you could airlift me to another country where I don't speak the language, have no money and am hungover to the gills and I could be drunk in half an hour. If an alkie wants to drink, they're going to drink. We could find Jim Beam in the Sahara. There comes that critical time where the only thing that stands between an alcoholic and a drink is their desire to stay sober---some say it's their relationship with their higher power, some say it's their spiritual condition....whatever. At some point you just have to decide what you want.

Long answer! sorry! I'm on my high horse and it's only 7:30 in the morning! better climb down! :)