First of all Beestie, nothing ever stated that life should be "fair". Fair is just a word. The idea behind it is nice and all, but it can't be made to apply to life. Life just isn't fair. And thinking about it as "unfair" isn't productive. You need to grab the world by the balls and make it yours.

I understand, too, that it sounds shitty. But look at it another way, Sharon doesn't have the Cellar for support. Tony is probably the person that knows her best, and I'm sure that deep down, she loves him. From the whole birthday thing (I was there), I could tell that she, at the very least, cares deeply about him. And because I know Tony, I know that he cares about her. They might not be romantically compatible or ideal soulmates, but they are two people who have spent a lot of their lives together and relationships like that don't die easy. There will always be some feelings there.

Sharon went to someone she knows and trusts for comfort. It's an awkward situation for sure (I had an ex girlfriend call me up and start crying because things weren't working out and she missed me - that was definitely kinda weird). Sharon is a person that's trying to do what's right for her while keeping Tony in consideration. She's done for him a hell of a lot better than a lot of people would do for their ex's, and there's something to be said for that.

Is Sharon doing the right thing? Under the circumstances and in my personal opinion, she probably is. She's not perfect, but she's giving Tony a chance to find "the one" while she goes off and pursues the same, and she isn't being a huge bitch about it.

If I've learned one thing from this whole thread and talking to Tony (and watching them interact at the birthday get-together), it's that Sharon is a good person trying hard to do the right thing, even though it hurts someone else.

(Tony's still my main man, though. I don't mean to play "Devil's Advocate". Just trying to make my opinion clear.)

The Tone, what do you think - am I on the mark? Am I off?

It might be OK for a certain type of person.. sort of the "I futz with computers all day at work, don't let me near one after I get home." On certain days I can imagine myself like this--I mean, for years I was probably the only Webmaster* in captivity who didn't have a personal web page. I probably wouldn't now if it weren't for the need to supply pics of the kids to my parents on a semi-regular basis. (UT has explained why in the classic Pet Web Page/Rock quote.)

But you're right, in most cases it would be evidence of derangement.

*This was my actual title. I'm not particularly fond of the term.

Dave, you've nailed it.

From my point of view as a middle aged woman who has witnessed several women friends leave their relationships searching for more...This is a good thing for her. Its been strange to hear about UT's thing, and its all around me here.

Maybe its the sexual surge at 40, or maybe its just the crossroads, you feel its not right and you want to make the most of it. Life is too short. Not knowing Sharon, but knowing other women in similar situations, this big life change is thrilling and terrifying. The guy isnt why she left. The guy was a safety and gave her courage. Now shes got to work without a net. I think, scared as she is to go solo, she will be so much the better, stronger, and in the long run, happier for it.

But UT was the net for so many years. He was home and that's a hard reflex to change. I am sure it is incredibly hard to leave that.

As an outsider, not really knowing either of you in real life, I totally agree.

The majority of the "happily married" couples in my family dont have the kind of consideration for one another I witnessed at the party.

Cheers to both of you.

Sounds about right from the people I have seen breakup.

And having known the two of them (not so much in recent years) it makes sense that they both still care about each other -- maybe I'm a romantic but I believe that people often fall into a love that they never fall out of even if they do learn that they just can't live with each other anymore.

As someone said earlier, this may be the best that either of them can do and, given the circumstances, it's a hell of a lot better than many people I have seen who literally end up at each others' throats.

Be proud of yourself, UT!

God, this is all so touching. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel like I should keep coming here just in case anthing horrible ever happens and I desperately need friends. People really CAN be nice! :)

Damn straight. :thumb: