I'm sorry, Lola.
Glad they caught the culprits. Nothing will bring the victim back, but that's what the four kids need to take responsibility for - they did something that can never be made right, and then drove away.
Not all of us are skeptics about the second sight, but aside from that, whatever helps the young man's mother through this is good.

I just heard something terribly sad. Alice, who was the School manager until a few months had her second baby in July. Just had a staff email come round to tell us that the baby has cancer in her eyes and is now undergoing chemo and various other treatments.

Poor little thing. Seven months old ffs. And poor Alice. I don't know her well, but have always liked her. She helped me out loads when I was starting out with my postgrad stuff. And is just a really lovely and cheerful person.

What a horrible thing for any parent to see their child going through.

Fuck cancer.

Fuck. Cancer.

Holy shit, Dana. That's so sad. I'm sorry.

Eye cancer! :eek:

Really!? Fuck Cancer

Retinoblastoma, most likely. :(
The good news is that it has a high cure rate. The bad news is that the treatment modalities can be horrible, depending on the number and size of tumors and whether unilateral or bilateral.

Fuck cancer.

Oh yeah, fuck cancer again.

Someone is coming to view the 'rents house this afternoon.
Just cleaned 90% of my room. Will do the rest after lunch.
Yup, the 'rents are moving. Nope, Diz and aren't moving with them. We can't. No pets no overnight guests.

Don't get me wrong, I'm made up for them, the place sounds wonderful, it's right in the town centre and it will seriously improve Mum's quality of life.
Just scared for myself and what's to come.
So I'm coming to America later this Spring, because why not. I won't have anywhere to live after all.then throw myself on the mercy of the Council when I get back.
Which is what I'd have to do as soon as this places sells anyway, so I may as well take this chance while I can.

Perhaps I should have posted in the Good News/ Bad News thread.
But cleaning always makes me irritable.

Oh I talked to the Deputy Manager at work this morning.
I had to really, I was in a bit of a state. He was wonderful and has definitely got back the goodwill the company had lost form me recently.
Just as well, because over the next three months I'm going to be spending plenty of hours there to get some money behind me. And to afford rent in someone else's house (ick).

Mum says they'll pay my way to America in May.
See y'all then.

Wow! Big changes!

Whoa, thanks mom! So the work folks will let you have the vacation time, or are you quitting your job in May because you'll have nowhere to live?

I'm going to have to negotiate.
Of course the system being the system I'd be in a better position to get housing if I wasn't working, but I would far far rather be allowed a Sabbatical than quit.

There's precedence for it, especially if an employee is facing personal difficulties. I wouldn't be asking for paid leave after all.

What will happen to Diz while you travel? Will your mom pay for kennels too or are you travelling before they move?

Care of Dizcat is also up for negotiation. I'm hoping to have him fostered.

But things are now changing on a daily basis. Mum told me this afternoon that they will be out of here in four weeks regardless of whether they have a buyer or not.
She thinks it makes financial sense because they will stop paying Council Tax.

But while the house is still being shown they will be paying gas and electricity and she always used to worry about leaving the place vacant for more than 48 hours.
They don't start paying rent on the flat until they move in, but I think having signed off on the dotted line she just wants to be in there, right now, all done, end of.

Which I do understand.
Maybe I got that from her :)

It puts my previous plans into freefall though.
Basically my only sensible option is to throw myself on the mercy of the Council immediately.
Which means staying in work.
And means being housed in a B&B or hostel at best. Which means losing Diz.
And which means no trip to America.

I thought I might have two-three months. But from what she's just said to me on the phone, she wants this place vacant for viewing. Once they start moving out, I need to move out too. Probably my own fault, I've never been as tidy as she wanted. She no doubt thinks if I stay my clutter will spread. And she might be right.

In better news, I went to their new place today and it is very nice. Much lighter and brighter than here, and in a much better location.
Just as big as here, and all on one floor. Less potential for falls for Dad but no let-up in cleaning for her.
And only one toilet. Which will lead to conflict.
I didn't say that to her, she needs to know I'm happy for her because I am.

Still, the bathroom has a HUGE walk-in shower, which will be great for both of them.
And I bet it has better water pressure than here. Or if not they can complain to the charity!
There's certainly enough room for a seat if it becomes necessary for Dad.

So it's a so/so report from me.
I'm terrified, they're happy.
And if I had to choose I'd rather have it that way round.

Thing is, I hate change. I just do.
And the 'rents have always been here. Literally and figuratively.
So I'm losing that support, but also losing a home.
Yes I know I'm way too old to think that way, but it's how I feel and why it's upsetting me.

I have made my own way in the world, but sometimes I've had to come back. Like MTP I feel I've failed at life. I guess this is make or break. I've cried down the phone to a few wonderful people, and they have really reached out to help. But with hating work 2/5 of the week, losing sanctuary and facing being without Diz, it's all a bit much even so. If money was no object I think I'd still be fucked up. I'm wired a bit wrong. I'd make it to America though, then you could see the fuck-uppedness firsthand.

Urgh.
Is there a Fucked Up Self Pity Thread?

I hate change too, especially when it's being foisted upon me by outside forces.

Yeah, change sucks, even though I know you'll come out on top like you always do, Cherry. You're employed and personable--I don't know what the council politics are like, but if I were on the council you're the kind of person I'd want to help out because I'd believe it was a good investment.

How much longer before you will have a rental deposit so you don't need the council to help? you must've been working for a few months now. is there any chance of changing to full time to bump that up?

For a bedroom in a shared flat in that part of the country, you're looking at a minimum of £80 per week if you go for a private let.

And it is standard practice to ask for 1-2 months down plus twice the monthly rent as deposit.

£1400 or thereabouts.

How long do you imagine that takes to save on minimum wage?

is that directed at me? if so, I have no idea, which is why I asked. I'm guessing from the tone of your response that the answer is that that is not a realistic option, but I hope I'm wrong because unless things have changes drastically for the better, I don't see the council being overly sympathetic to a single adult with no kids.

So next avenue... could you rent from your parents, Sundae, seeing as they don't need to sell in order to make the move? Maybe they'd feel more comfortable about the "expanding to fill the space" thing if you had a formal, signed rental agreement?

Sorry. That was way snippier than was warranted :p

I've been in a bitch of a mood all day.

A room in a shared house now costs £400. Without overtime I take home less than £600.
So things are very tight.

My parents have to sell to meet the conditions of the charity they will be renting from. Absolutely no income from property allowed. Of course they would be allowed overlap between owning property and renting the flat, because this is the real world and you don't sell your house on the day you move out of it, but as far as me renting from them, that's a definite no.

And re working full time, again no.
I applied for a full time position and only got 17.5 hours. The only people employed full time in the store are Managers. In fact most shifts are deliberately under 4 hours so that you don't qualify for a break. It's very common now. At least I'm not on a zero hours contract.

I can still pick up overtime here and there, but I can't guarantee it.
And it's not so much the initial moving costs which are the problem, as Mum says they will meet those, especially if I'm not going to America. It's the day to day living which is stretching out in front of me and making me distressed.

Is there any chance you could get full time at another supermarket now that you have experience and a proven track record? (and bakery experience ;) )

Seems so "out of the blue" for your parents to do this. sucks.

It does suck the big fat one, but a do have the crumb of comfort that that are doing the right thing for them. Mum's life will be happier because of it, and she's been unhappy for quite a while now.

Urgh. Bakery.
If I thought that was my only option I'd stick my head in the oven. Although I'd just get burned, as they're all electric of course.
I'm looking. One of the reasons I'm between a rock and a hard place is that here in Aylesbury we have way below the national level of unemployment. But that's masked by the fact many people have been pushed into part time employment. So we don't draw benefits, but we do rely on other people to live.

For many of my colleagues this is their partner, for me it was my parents. Although I always contributed and tried to pay my way, I was never paying them as much as a lodger would have. And Mum brushed off anything they would have paid whether I was here on not: TV licence, Internet, phone (which I never used but was great for incoming calls), heating. She just said I more than made up for that by my cooking and baking.

She has said that she'll do all my washing and I can use the Internet there, and eat there at least twice a week. Like I said before though, it's the change. And the fear. I can get help to manage financially, I hope. But no-one can help with me losing my tenuous peace of mind.

I think that's why my first reaction was la la la fingers in ears, going to America, commit suicide when I come home.
I've rethought part of that "plan".

I know you can drive but don't -do you have a license?

Oh yes, just can't afford to keep a car on the road. Petrol, insurance, MOT, tax, potholes...

yes, I know that, but was wondering about a camper, seeing as summer is coming up. maybe a second-hand one costs about the same as a plane ticket to the US but you can live in it. and tour the UK. straws I know, but sometimes a brainstorn yield unexpectes leads. my friends did that for a year or two -set up in static caravan parks

OK I'm off to bed.

Change sucks, for the most part - especially when not chosen. I'm sorry, Cherry.

The Cellar: Love hurts, change sucks, fuck cancer

Sundae, I hope that you don't think I am poking my nose in where it isn't wanted, but have you contacted your local councillors(s)?

A good local councillor can be worth his or her weight in gold when it comes to exerting pressure in the right places.

From various photos you've posted, I believe that you are in the Elmhust area of the town. If so, your councillors are here:

Elmhurst & Watermead.

See items 6.1 and 6.3 in Lisa Smith's declarations of interest.

Carruthers.

PS FWIW I've just posted an old picture in your Aylesbury thread.

Post #487

Fuckin' A, man.

Mia was put down today.
She's had a poorly leg for a couple of days but it didn't start off all that bad.
This morning she wasn't moving and when Mum carried her downstairs she wouldn't put any weight on it.
The vet said it was a cat bite.

After a consultation, they agreed that due to her deafness (which is probably what made her vulnerable in a fight), her general confusion and the increasing problems she is having with her kidneys, the time had come to let her go gently.

I know Mum was talking about having her put down from sheer irritation a while back, but that mood passed. In fact despite knowing that this was the kindest thing to do, I know Mum wanted to hang on to her right up until the move. She cried all the way through, and all the way home.

I know it will be a relief for her in some ways, and a way of making a new start, but I did really feel for her.

Oh, £104!
And Mum feels he botched it, as he had to give a sedative after the initial attempt, and then administer two injections when she was still alive after five minutes. She said that when they had Muffin put down it took about 30 seconds.
Still, it was peaceful for Mia.

Very, sad, please deliver :comfort: from me.

That's always hard, there is no easy way. Sorry.

Oh I'm so sorry, Sundae! Hugs to you and your mum from me and Mr Limey. xxx

Sent by thought transference

Ach damn, that's so sad. Condolences to you and your Ma.

I just heard something very sad.

When me and J lived together, our house was part of a block of three storey houses converted into two storey houses with ground floor apartments underneath. The houses were accessed through a courtyard - three of them in an L shape, with steps up to t he doors - My bro and his family live in the one on the short line of the L, then a middle house, then ours was the end one on the long line of the L. The groundfloor apartments have their access at the front of the block.

They're all let by the same property company - and just as J and I ended up in one because my bro recommended when it came up as we were househunting, so the two apartments underneath ended up with friends in them - either friends of Mart, or friends of Scott from the middle house (who became a good mate but I have long since lost touch with).

They were all friends of Martin, and we all kind of jostled along together. Went clubbing with them sometimes - and anytime there was a party we all met up. There was a period of about three years where we all kind of hung out together to varying degrees. Mainly via Martin, from my perspective - I'd chit chat with them round at his house, and we'd say hi as we crossed through the yard. Sometimes one or other of them would come to our house too.

It was our block, ya know?

Then things changed, lives took different turns. Scott moved away - though there'd been a bit of a falling out (resolved) prior to that and he was less a part of the group by then. Mike from the flat below me and J got a different job and was working odd shifts, Martin's girls were getting older and Jen was looking to go into nursing. Me and J split up and I moved out. Tony-Baloney from the other flat, below Martin and Jen, got into a relationship and we didn't see so much of him by then anyway. And the drugs and clubbing and afters parties and all that stuff had already dwindled away, as it does.

I see Tony now and then, walking his dog. Or, now and again he'll be at Martin's when I visit - not so often these days. Haven't seen Mike for ages. Maybe a year and a half ago, as i was going into the courtyard to see Martin, he was coming out of his flat and we said hi.

They were always more Martin's friends than mine, but that was ok. I was 'Martin's kid sister' :p



Just heard from mum that Mike hung himself. Apparently, he'd been withdrawn and becoming more and more hermitlike over the last few months. Martin was round his place a couple of weeks ago, and he was fairly depressed. had got behind in his rent, though he'd set up a payment plan and that seemed to be sorting itself out. But he'd started some new anti-depressants and Martin had apparently been a little concerned about this, as they were the same type which had been implicated in a suicide of someone he knew in Bradford.

But he'd seemed like he was on a level, and maybe starting to come back out of himself. Not so unusual not to visit with each other for a few weeks at a time, with him on odd shifts and Martin with his family commitments. I think he may have mentioned to Tony about the anti-depressants and he'd also been and visited him.

They reckon he did it at least a week ago. The landlords had tried contacting him. He'd stopped answering his phone and the last couple of times Tony or Martin tried knocking on, he didn't answer - not so unusual for Mike, he was often out, but in the circumstances a little worrying. I didn't know about any of this at the time.

With Martin and Tony concerned and the landlords unable to contact him for a fortnight, the police came out and they gained access. he was hanging there. Tony had to identify the body. Martin's over there now at Tony's flat, he's in a state (Tony I mean).

Mike was a nice guy. Built well, but gentle as they come. I didn't know him well, for all that we shared some drunken conversations around Martin's kitchen table, and danced together sometimes during the clubbing days. But I liked him. Feels like we lost one of our own, even though those days of 'our block' are long past.

It's almost certain that I walked Carrot past his place whilst he was hanging there already dead. And we didn't even know.

Rest in Peace, Mike.

I'm so sorry D. Too much of this in the world.

tha's so sad Dana, I'm sorry for you. Mental health, physical health, there's no real distinction between them, any more than there's a distinction between heart health and lung health. but treatments are less ... certain, and the stigma attached to the state of one's mental health/illness (it's a continuum, right?) makes seeking treatment more difficult sometimes. ...

I don't know. It's very sad.

That's so sad. Sorry, Dana. :(

crap

I'm sorry, Dana.

I'm so sorry, Dana.

And Sundae ... sorry too. It's excruciating to go through that.

Hugs to both of you.

Shit, wait till you get old(no you ain't) and all your friends are dead, especially if you have to kill one or two. :(

:( So sad ...

Really sorry to hear that Dani.
A sad shock for all concerned.

Excuse me, while I hunt down and hug my cat.

Too many things to do too little time to do it, too many expectations no will to keep on going too much just too much. Don't know how to sort it out or let go

Ah damn Monster, that sounds horrible.

Sorry, monster. This is a crap time of year for people beholden to school and extracurricular activities.

That sucks, especially when you've made a promise/commitment you just can't keep when stuff changes. I guess you'll have to prioritize what affects the people you care most about. Of course it's easy for me to sit here on my fat ass and give out questionable advice, but I hope you can come up with a compromise that lets you stay healthy and sane.

Dana: That's so sad. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Monster: I hope things will work out.

Sigh....I think we all need a hug. I need a hug....

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Monster, are the "expectations" commitments you've made, other peoples' assumptions or you setting yourself impossible goals that, actually, no-one else is aware of? If any are the latter two, I hope you can ditch them, and am willing you the strength to do so. X


Sent by thought transference

All of the above :(. And the main thing I got done was (a) an unreasonable expectation of other people and (b) the assholes who dumped the job and ran off to sunny placesassuming the rest of the team would take care of it had the gall to question the decisions I was forced to make in their absence (I was the only one left). I hate people sometimes. Especially me :( I got none of it done yesterday. hoping for better today. Less crying would be good :/

OMG, OMG...
~Well, did you leave your opinion on a note somewhere when you took off and dumped everything on me?

~Who the fuck cares what the absentee landlord thinks.

~You ain't working, you ain't voting.

~Hold it right there while I look around for my give a shit... nope, don't see it.


In reality I assume these are parents of your kids friends, and part of the social fabric you hope to navigate smoothly in the future, which sort of rules out dismemberment. Maybe if you really fuck things up once or twice, they won't feel comfy dumping it on you in the future. They down side is you may not have much chance to do things the way you want.

You wimmens is so tricky, you know a couple of tears protect your face from blowback if the wind shifts. ;)

It was hiring swim coaches for the summer team. Supposed to be a committee, all done and dusted about to make the offers then the shit hit the plan on the day they all left town. they all emailed "well sorry, We're just leaving will turn internet back on in a week so can't be part of this problem, trust the rest of you to make the right decision.... yada yada yada

I think I fixed it now (startuing with pointing out that every single one of them but me had done this. :( yeah, I know, I'm whining. Fuck it, I'm entitled

I find that royally fucking things up every once in awhile keeps expectations low and others' involvement at a fair level. The only trick is convincing yourself to allow it to happen.

In Bradford, alone, tired and miserable and feeling the weight of my uncertain future very heavily.
Feeling homesick already, as much for my nice little life as for my parents company, my cat and my bedroom.

I'm sure it will start becoming an adventure again soon, but right now I just wish I was at home and none of this was happening.

Sorry, Sundae!

You can do this.

I'm sorry, hon. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Ah damn, hon, that sounds hard.



[eta] I've never really minded that my house is a hobbithouse. But right now, I'd give my hindteeth for a spare room. Or indeed one normal adultsized room that could fit more than a teeny sofa.

I'm so sorry Sundae.:comfort:

Hugs to you Sundae! You've for the whole Cellar with you in spirit! XXX


Sent by thought transference