Oh, I don't know, jim. I like your balls. Um, er...you know what I mean.

As a woman (gosh I always hate when comments start out with 'as a _____') I feel for Dazza too. If I read something hurtful my SO said about me to a bunch of people online, I'd reserve my right to feel hurt. Couldn't he have had the respect to say it to me, with all the 'talking about it' that I have demanded from him?

Anyway, no one can see inside any others' relationship, but I think you, jim, made some points that needed to be made. In your gloriously 'dickish' way (not really, I don't think you're dickish.)

"Yeah, I said it, it needed to be said..." --Chris Rock

Sometimes venting is just that venting... Women [some most?] don't think anyone can fix their problem but it helps them to talk about it. Men vent because they want someone to help them and that's what [some/ most?] women do. [/of my opinion no one asked for...]

If you are all imaginary anyway, and one of you slights another one isn't it an imaginary slight?

You've been married--in what way is the impact of those different from the impact of "real" slights?

Stonewalling occurs because the listener has learned anything they say will eventually be used against them.

FFS Jim. At what point did I say that the problems in our marriage are all his fault? Didn't you already have a say about what you thought anyway.

Honestly, you have a really short memory. I recall plenty of people here being incredibly supportive of you during the end of your marriage. At least I didn't start a whole fucking thread about it. I came in here. I said what's upsetting my in the thread entitled the same. WTF is wrong with that. You object to people caring and supporting me? You somehow think (because you don't like me or something) that it's your right to put me in my place. Yeah, fuck you dick.

Just so you know, I am very hopeful that once my husband has found a therapist he likes and gets himself to a stage where he's ready to deal with other stuff too, that I will be asked to come in for some sessions also. I have asked him to, and he has agreed, on numerous occasions that he needs help to deal with issues from his own past. I'm not going to talk about that here, because quite frankly, it's none of your fucking business and you clearly don't give a fuck anyway, so do me a favour, either be supportive or GTFO of it. I don't need anyone else to tell me what a failure i am. I'm quite capable of doing that myself at the moment.

Oh and if you want to go read it again, you'll see where I've admitted it was a dumb thing to say etfuckingcetera.

Fuck this place. No wonder I hardly ever tell anyone shit, and the few occasions that I do, people like you want to be arseholes about it.

Just fuck you. That's all I have to say to you right now.

You're right. Of course I don't know nearly enough about it to comment accurately. Probably most of my rant was directed at jinx. But I said what I said, and I don't take it back. Except for not liking you much. I was just pissed off. I like you fine. You're a decent sort.
I responded to the sense I have of your situation. Maybe... Probably, I have not read everything you've said on the subject, because I only read 30% of the threads these days. And even if I had, the info would still be incomplete.

I do think your outlook about it is negative. You don't like him right now. His jokes are not funny. His foibles are frustrating, not endearing.

You can either change your perspective or your situation. Changing dazza is not the answer.

Sorry you're mad. I was a tad over the line. I just hit a point, you know?

Thanks for that.

No one's perfect.

I am trying to be patient. I am trying to value my husband. I am trying to help him understand the things that bother me. He doesnt ever say what he wants or needs. I have no idea what's going on in his head and i just think he doesnt know how to express himself to me or anyone on an intimate level. That is what i see. I wish i knew what he sees. That is why we're in trouble. If only one person says what they want, the relationship is not balanced. He gets frustrated because he thinks he can never please me. I get frustrated because i really dont give a fuck if he mows the grass or not. I would just like him to be involved in the process of getting it mowed. If that makes sense, then you might start to understand better and judge me less.

I suppose LJ is off her distribution list now ... that means more cupcakes for the rest of us, alllriiiiiiiiiiight! :D


Dazza never made us cupcakes. :eyebrow:

Ali has been more than patient in this exchange ... yay Ali, you are indeed the better person.

So you wished your husband would step up and get off his f***ing ass once in awhile instead of watching TV and fishing, while you rear 5 kids and start a successful independent business all on your own. Wishing that the guy who is an equal partner in producing some of the kids, and who married you knowing about the existing children, would pull his own weight is cunty? No, I don't think so.

So, what, guys, no not 'guys', YOU, LJ, YOU in particular, you think that a woman who is doing all that Ali is doing is whining and being unfair when her partner refuses to engage or take any responsibility?

You've already admitted that you projected your hostility and bitterness toward your ex onto Ali. I think you owe her a BIG fucking apology. You just read your own angst and hurt into her story and let loose on her, said stupid and frankly outrageous things to her, and now expect to get a pass? You are very damned lucky she even responds to you now.

I'm going to hide under a rock till this is over

No need, Sarge. Pandas are exempt until proven otherwise.

I think ortho is a big fake.

Oh gee, I'm sorry. Should I feel badly about saying that?

Can't fall back to sleep. I'm itching everywhere, perhaps psychological or not. Feeling so weary when I sit up but so awake when I lie down. Sigh...

Btw, stop fighting, y'all. Aliantha is tired enough with everything going on in her life. She deserves some peace.

Ali: Hugzzz...good luck, hon. I hope everything will work out. We all deserves to be happy.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

No one needs to hide or do anything. I appreciate the support. I really do. I realise Jim can say what he likes. He's entitled just like everyone else. He has made his peace. I am ok with it. Let's not fight. I just needed to vent. Clearly to some i came off badly. Maybe they are right. If so, maybe i will figure it out and fix it. Maybe they are wrong and i just didnt give them enough info to understand fully. Basically, i am on the inside of this. I have to deal with it as best i can. I am trying to be positive about all aspects of my life. I am hoping that will help.

I am a big girl. I will fight whatever battles i need to in order to get things on track. I just dont want to fight you guys. Please be patient.

This is good advice for everyone, everywhere.

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition." --Martha Washington

LJ, I owe you an apology for going off on you like that. You and Ali have talked out your issue and it's no one else's business. I'm sorry. That extra glass of wine last night was not a good thing. :redface:

But Ortho, what's the Cellar good for if you can't get distracted from your own problems by kibitzing on someone else's. :haha:

Again, I raise the call for a Posting While Drunk icon.

We seriously need a PWD icon.

I don't know where else to put this. My neighbor lady just came to tell me another neighbor passed away this morning. These are the folks I would hang out with around the fire. This guy was a Vietnam veteran, and a music aficionado. We once talked for hours about different musicians. He really liked me...told me I was the first woman he's flirted with in years (he would say funny things to me, but all in good humor.) I liked him a lot...not in a romantic way. I considered him a friend. One of the few people I really knew around here.

Rest in Peace, Stan. You were loved. :(

Goddammit I can't lose many more people. I've done little but go to funerals in the last couple years. Shit. His roommate is going to have a very hard time. Shit shit shit.

I'm sorry. :-(

I'm sorry IM. I was happy for you that time you posted about sitting around the fire. Sounded like good times. I'm sorry you're losing such a cool guy.

Thanks.

Was just sitting with the neighbors, who were basically his family. Trying to figure out what sort of arrangements, etc. We don't know any of his next of kin.

I just went to the funeral of another friend last week, who was a Vietnam veteran. I don't think there's anything more beautiful than the 21 gun salute. We don't know if the VA will help with a service or what.

Do any of our cellar servicemen or women know about this sort of thing?

contact your nearest vfw or american legion. they do a great job in our area

If he is being buried at a Veterans Cemetery, that's part of the package...at least it was back home when my dad died four years ago.


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Only the president receives a 21 gun salute. Soldiers get 3 volleys of rifle fire

Doesn't look like VA helps much

http://www.benefits.va.gov/compensat...ial-burial.asp

what about a GoFundMe account or whatever it is?

Are the polics looking for next of kin?

Oh, sorry Sarge. I misspoke. I thought the 3 fires of 7 rifles was what a 21 gun salute was. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Yeah, they're looking for next of kin. I'm about ready to head back down there to see if anyone has found anything out. I'll mention contacting the VFW or Legion, Sarge.

Thanks for the support, folks.

the 3 volley fires from anywhere from 3 to 7 soldiers is very significant. it is based on the 3 volley fire to end a truce to collect the dead and wounded. so, the funeral volley symbolizes the veteran is safe and in the care of his comrades

sorry for sounding like a smart ass.

No, Sarge, I appreciate the clarification.

So there was some estranged family who showed up. They wanted 'things.' LIke he had a lot of 'things.' They don't plan on any funeral of any kind, saying they can't afford it...all the while this estranged sister asking about a life insurance policy he had some time ago (and he probably cashed in.) We plan to have our own memorial amongst us. WTF is wrong with people?

I thought about the 'go fund me' thing, monster. I don't know that Stan would have wanted that. WE would like to see a service, but the funeral is for the people left behind. It breaks my heart to think that there won't be that respect shown for a paratrooper in the Vietnam war. Yet, Stan being such a private person, maybe he would have appreciated OUR efforts even more.

My dear neighbor lady is elderly, and she took care of Stan and Stan's roommate and another neighbor guy, and they took care of her. She's also become a surrogate mom to me. They're all really good folks. She's hurting, more so about the lack of compassion from his so-called family, I can tell, but you don't make it to 78 years old without knowing pain. I hope I can be stronger too in the years ahead of me.

These are the reasons we cherish family, when so many don't know what it feels like. I don't know the backstories, don't care to because it's not my business. I know how people treat me, and others around them.

I'm gonna miss that silly funny guy. And we, as some weird sort of community, are going to celebrate that life.

Thanks for the venue to talk about this.

paratrooper? you need to get the parachute soldiers from the dollar store and use them as part of your tribute.

You would do the GoFundMe not as "pay for this guy's funeral" but for you lot.... "We really want to say goodbye to our friend as befits his awesomeness, nothing fancy but not a pauper's deal...."

In my 39 years of life, I have never seen my beloved home of St. Louis like this:

http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/c...a3d36a083.html

Sounds like a situation spinning right out of control.:(

Has to, or it'll get swept under the rug.

What's to be expected when the population includes fine, upstanding members of society like this young gentleman...

Someone who steals to survive, help them.
Someone who steals for a living, prosecute them.

Looters? Shoot 'em... and leave their body lay in the street until kin, or feral dogs, claim it.

I foutred le camp last Saturday. Things went to shit in in instant. How much fun working with angry drunks More details later. I'm back at home now.

Shit, sorry dude.

Rat fuck, foots, just rat fuck. :(

Sounds horrible. Sorry it was so bad you had to part ways.

You fucked off last Saturday?

Attachment 48852

Welcome to my world.

In my appointment with the specialist nurse yesterday she dropped into conversation that the waiting time for detox/ rehab is 2-3 MONTHS not 2-3 weeks as I originally understood.

No surprise this hit me like Mohammed Ali, and being so knocked out I could not articulate well enough to even challenge it. Partly from shock - my stomach dropped in a fight or flight response - partly still trying to maintain the veneer of sanity but partly because of the sheer embarrassment of having misunderstood.

I then came home for a rotten afternoon of self-hating and assuming I was wrong. Then that I was crazy. Then that in fact I was right and this was all a test because so many things have been brought up in one meeting and then never referred to again/ not happened. I suppose the final stage was they think it's convenient to pretend with me because I pretend along.

How confident am I that I was told 2-3 weeks? 75%
How much do I believe there was a genuine misunderstanding on my part? 10%
How well do I think I am being supported currently? 5%

Once again, I was told I would get a text regarding how my application was progressing.
And this was from the nurse I first met back when I was in hospital, so that's back in July and I have seen her every week. The nurse I saw last week was a fill-in, so when she didn't follow through on her promise I thought it was just lack of care. It feels worse this time.

It just drags on and on and on.

Shit, Sundae. I'm sorry.

It's pretty ridiculous they make you wait for such important treatment.

I must have missed something. Why do you need rehab Sundae? I thought things were travelling fairly well.

Sundae - chin up, shoulders back. It must be incredibly hard to be going through this. Remember you have one thing going for you that so many others don't, you have the love and support from friends in so may countries. We love you

We Love You, Sundae.

This is the frustration and upset of universal health care. We never seem able to do it right. When it's for-profit, people suffer. When it's universal, people suffer.

No matter what, people do not have access. In Ontario, the mantra is 'health insurance does not mean access to health care'. It seems that's not unique.

I have no idea how to make care available in a timely way for those who need it. In every system, people fall through the cracks. :(

Nevertheless, wishing you great luck, quick access, and the best of care, Sundae. Sending love and hugs. xxoo

Is there something we can do to help?

There's a reason people refer to mental health as the cinderella of the NHS.

Goddamnit, Sundae - I'm gutted for you.

Just don't forget me.

We won't!

You can be sure of that. :thumb:

We will not.

I won't forget you.

Wouldn't be possible. Keep fighting the good fight, Sundae.

I wont forget you Sundae. Or the letter I promised your Mum. Xx

Never ever. EVER.

And I know this is hard, but I know you are tough. Thanks for being so tough. And posting. Especially posting.

Do you really think my kids or me could ever forget you??:3eye:

What's all this? I don't keep up well enough. Where are you going? Links?

No one will ever forget you, Sundae.