I want to know what's wrong, but doubt I will be much help. :( trouble shared is trouble halved though. Xxx

Well, it wasn't today, Actually it was last Thursday. The first of my Aunts/Uncles passed away. She was my mother's only sister and the patriarch of the family at 85. She suffered from dementia for a long time. She lived a long and wonderful life. I know she is in a better place, but still. Took a last minute trip to RI with my sister and my parents for the services and to see many cousins etc., some of whom I haven't seen in decades. It really hit me that all these extended parents are getting very old and will be dying soon. Mortality check as I saw her children suffering the loss of their mother. Just ... sucks. My brother's Mother-in-law is also suffering from cancer (FUCK CANCER) and now has some fungal infection in her lungs. She will not last long.
Hug the ones you love folks. You never know when till its too late.

And tell them.


Sorry about your aunt, Classic.

:blackr:

Thanks Grav. She was a cool cat. She used to sneak us kids treats and stuff. Always a warm hug and a big smile.

Sorry Dude. Dementia is a tough one.

Lately the mm, seven, has been complaining of what sounds like RLS, it runs in my family. Poor thing is too young for that shit.

That sucks. I'm sorry.

My son gets headaches, and I feel the same way about it. It's not fair.

In my experience RLS was a nutritional problem, After I started taking magnesium before bed it has never returned. Not being a Dr, I dunno about a 7 yr old. Here is a link I found http://www.healthline.com/health/res...ents#Overview1

It would kill me to have to watch my child deal with what I've had to deal with. That would just be a living hell.

I think it is Mg related too. I had a lot of success with this mineral supplement that I was taking but after a while it stopped working. OR maybe I couldn't find it any more. In any case, I'm taking Gabapentin which also helps me fall asleep. We're going to try the mineral route.

Oh god, I know. You can't even do anything with a headache sometimes. Cold cloth? Tylenol?
I'm sorry about that too.

Not much. If we notice he's had a lot of screen time, we kick him off the screen. Remind him to stay hydrated. We haven't noticed any patterns to trigger them, but those are both good things to do anyway.

And then when he actually gets one, Advil and go lie down. Sometimes he needs the eye mask we keep in the freezer.

Now that I think about it, he hasn't had one since he's been on break. Maybe it's school stress that causes them.

Time to find a hippie school? The testing regimen, among other things, is talking any fun right out of school. My kids graduated just as our local schools went full on nuts with the standardized testing.

Griff, stop being the giving tree, time for a school that appreciates what a magnificent hippie you bee. :)

The kids at the school I used to work at would just blow them off completely, especially the ones that were intended to gauge the school's performance and the ones that were used to determine a student's ranking.

It is a very anti-intellectual community; completing HS is for chumps and college is for fags.

It's a lose-lose situation all around.

I'm doing more suitable work now helping parents address the behaviors of their children with autism. It's interesting getting fully back into that community. These kids are just so interesting. The hippie school has been suggested to me by various cow-orkers but I'm not a regulatory hurdles kind of guy.

Today and, frankly, every day. It's been two years and I still have not gotten used to my vision with the field cut. I used to cheer myself up by thinking one day I'll realize that I just don't notice it or think about it any more. I wished it would be a shorter term but knew it was more likely to be years. It's never going to happen. :cry:

Shit Monster. What is your FOV now?

It's hard to explain. Whatever I am focusing on, I don't see the pie slice from around 9:30 to 11:30 on a clock face. but my brain fills in a sort of fuzz that's the average color of what I am looking at. Its like looking at a scene containing the Predator. or through glasses with a permanent grease smudge. I feel like Midas in that everything I try to look at turns to fuzz and an inverse Medusa in that I can't look directly at anything and see it because it turns to crap. As I travel through my day it feels disorienting like being on a ship except that I'm not unsteady, just my vision is. And it's such hard work to make sure I'm scanning properly and don't miss things. And it's heartbreaking when I'm relaxing so not paying that attention and realize that I have missed stuff. Like Hector tried to high-five me over my shoulder when he was sat behind me and we were playing a family game and I completely didn't see it. Misreading words and making amusing new versions because I'm speed-reading and I didn't see the first letter and my brain just filled in the blank with something that worked is not as funny anymore

Sorry, monster. :(

and just in case you were thinking maybe I'm maudlin because I've had a beer or two, it's not yet 6pm and even I don't usually start that early ;) Oh well. I needed to get it into words. maybe that will help in itself. thanks guys.

That must be profoundly annoying, I get pissed off at floaters so I can only imagine what the is like.

It sounds like you have about 90 degrees of visual field.

Jesus how annoying.

No. It's not like that. Look at the words below.


Fuck Fu ndered lonely as a cloud
Fuck Fuck ooth what have I done
Fuck Fuck Funny how it worksn't
See Fuckety wouldn't offend me
how this Fuck even if I were the
properest fucker of all. As long as

I focused on the center of the text. No bad words would jump out and draw my attention to focus on them. And if they did, once I refocused, all I would see was "uck" or "iuck"

I have a full field of vision, there is nothing wrong with my eyes. But after the information is in and processed, the bit about that part of the picture is not transmitted to the brain. or if it is, the brain is unable to interpret it.

Sorry monster. It sounds like the lack of hope is the worst part.

well it's certainly not helping ;) I still hope that there will come a day when I am so used to it that it doesn't bother me, but I thought a couple of years would be a reasonable and realistic timeframe. Fortunately, it doesn't happen to enough people (who survive for many years afterwards) for there to be any helpful data on such things. :/

Last summer I had a blood sugar incident over 1500. We caught it and got control, but added a number of large bat signals (floaters).

Jesus, that's nothing like I imagined from your previous mentions in passing of vision problems. Sounds like there's no way to compensate except go very slow and be extra cautious. I don't think that's your style at all. While you're waiting for a miracle maybe you can work out some eye/brain exercises that might help you compensate more quickly. Not giving up, mind you, just busy work.

I feel bad for you but I won't babble on, because I don't want to blow our cover of sterner stuff. ;)
On the up side, if you ever see me, you won't have to see all of me.

1500 Bruce?!!! Holy crap!

Yeah, that was a shocker, especially since I'd been seeing the doctor and been tested every three months for a few years.
It was easily controlled once discovered, and we still don't know what caused this sudden change in metabolism.

Of course the doctors always wonder if you're not telling them about a week long party with Capt. Jack or Miss Oreo, and I suppose some people do that. But I figure this guy works for me, would I not tell my cook I hate Broccoli? Give him all the information so he can do his best for me.
That way I'm confident I'm ignoring only the best advice. :haha:

Our deadliest enemy is denial, which has nothing to do with Egypt.

Is the eye problem worse now, UT? What's up?

No it went away on its own shortly after that thread. Still, what caused it?

I thought we had settled on Lizardmen?

Did this coincide with the appearance of hair on the palms of your hands?

We're doing better than monster though, that really sucks.

Well, yeah - I don't mean to --

I think in honor of Monster we should amke a new new cellar haggis expression to connote displeasure and it should be "uck iucked up"

Or not.

But that does sound seriously iucked up.

hey it's no competition, it's just sucky right now and I thought I'd burden all y'all instead of IRL people ;) It's good and bad that people can't see my "issue". And floaters really do suck too. I just realized I haven't been bothered by mine recently, so I guess there's a plus side -it's given me something else to worry about ;)

That is horrid to have on a permanent basis, monster - I'm sorry.

I've been up for 48 straight hours. The last bit of work on the thesis turned into a nightmare - a bunch of files went missing - think I may have saved some earlier stuff over the completed stuff. Had to send an incomplete thesis to the printers - as submission is 3pm today at latest. It's shabby - a mess, no contents page, no tables (they all went loco on te template when I put them in and I had to delete them all. A bunch of footnote references I spent fucking hours finding and sorting out vanished - and it doesn't even have a conclusion. I just coudn;t bring it all together on no sleep after working flat out for days.

I was about ready to sob. Four years work - and it looks like I've written it with my teeth. Doesn't even meet the presentation criteria.

So - I emailed my supervisor. Thank god for him. He's emailedme back to say he's spoken to the exam peeps and I can get an extension for a couple of weeks.

I am profoundly grateful. I can get it looking like something worth having,.

But - I have a couple more weeks of this nightmare to go when I thought I was done. So that's kind of a bummer.

One bright spot though - Bruce - you wonderful, wonderful man. I shold have pmed you day before yesterday when the letter arrived - but I just couldn;t afford to come on here. It made me cry - in a good way:)

Em

You'll make it, Dana. First thing is to sleeeeeeep.

Dana, I am hoping you typed that in your sleep.
... it's a grad student's very worst nightmare.

Get your rest and hammer home the final nails. We're all proud of you.

WHS^

I went looking for a spool of black thread tonight, to repair a hem on a skirt I'd like to wear tomorrow. There was no black thread to be found, because my husband stashed all of my 'fiber arts' boxes and furniture in various remote spots around the basement and house, wherever ... everything impossible to reach or gain access to. Because it was all obviously not worth a thought, and unimportant, so just could be thrown anywhere and everywhere obscure.

Except that I spent several years - well, many years actually - sewing beautiful clothes for the boys and my daughter, embroidering classic Ukrainian shirts for the boys AND my husband, making the cutest outfits for S, my daughter, plus beautiful dresses, plus heirloom things for all the kids. And later, I spun yarn that I knitted into hats and scarves, and I bought a loom and wove beautiful fabrics on it ... but to this day my husband doesn't even connect the things he's seen on the kids with what I made, far less the things I wove and designed. So all of my fiber arts equipment is strewn from hither to yon without any care or respect for any of it, and he has no idea how expensive some of it is/was ... and tonight he's looking at me as though I'm crazy for being, in a very tightly-controlled way, just a little put out that everything has been treated as though it were garbage.

Clearly my task next weekend is to pull ALL of it out from its various trashy stashing places and make myself a fiber arts studio from one of the bedrooms in the house. One of the beds will go into storage, and I will take over one of the bedrooms completely for my fiber equipment and materials.

I just spent an hour oohing and aahing over some clothes my husband bought himself for golf. He takes his golf very seriously. I understand that it's important to validate a man's endeavors, and although I have no interest in golf I respect that my husband enjoys it very much. I may be an Aspie (although I know the latest lit says Aspies don't exist, I think we do), but I can understand someone finding a lot of enjoyment and validation in a pursuit like this, and I wish him the best in it.

I have wished that he would take my hobbies with similar respect, but no. He hasn't a clue. I have an entire closet downstairs full of costumes that I sewed for the kids over the years - medieval prince costumes with breeches, doublet, capuchon, medals, shirts ... Roman togas with all details ... medieval princess gowns with brocaded overdress and hooded capes and all possible accessories ... I sewed Japanese dolls for S's hobbies and art class (showed her how to design the costumes and sew them) ... I can sew anything, anything at all. I have a professional quality sewing machine and serger, table for both, cutting table, and everything I have needed to create embroidery designs for clothing, pillows, hangings, and church vestments ... I have sewn priests' cassocks and vestments ... I have woven fabric with traditional and innovative weave designs. I have cross-stitched traditional Ukrainian designs on shirts and tablecloths, table runners, etc.

I can't write any more, I'm too upset. I did so much work for so many years, but it's just nothing. It's so hard to live with a narcissist.

I know I have to just appreciate what I did for itself, and I do. It only makes me upset when it's treated like trash. But I"ll get things set right next weekend. That'll give me something to look forward to, and to work toward. I'll set up my own fiber arts studio in one of the bedrooms.

And it really upsets me that my husband looks at my glass and sniffs it, and wrinkles his nose if it's vodka. Then goes to work out. As if I'm pathetic and weak. Maybe I am. But I could have taken the easy way out so many times, and I haven't.

fuuuuuuck.

Too upset, can't go to sleep.
It really doesn't matter; I'll be up all night with my Femara-induced neuropathy anyway, same old same old for the past 6 months. Nevertheless I have to show up and put in 80 hours/week for 40 hours' pay, while my co-worker puts in 16 hours' work for 20 hours' pay. It's typical corporate bs: her husband is head of Oncology (bitter irony), while mine pissed off the CEO and reaped the expected consequence.

I am tired, so tired. Haven't slept in weeks; every time I turn over or slightly wake, pain sears my forearms and wrists and into my hands, and I wake up. The pain gets me right up out of bed. After I walk around for 15-20 minutes, shaking my wrists and hands, it subsides to a dull, sullen grumble. I roll back into bed and position my arms with wrists extended, arms extended. It's not natural and soon I wake up, in pain again because I relaxed my arms and wrists.

I really really don't want to go to work/face work in the morning. But I can't see any other option; I don't know if I could tolerate the fallout of my husband going back to work because I can't carry on.

That's the basis for most of your trouble. You aren't being honest with him or yourself by swallowing your feelings. Maybe if you'd blown up now and then, he'd be paying more attention to your feelings.

Secondly, why the fuck do you need his approval for your fiber arts? Didn't your kids appreciate the clothes? Didn't the girl appreciate the dolls? Didn't the church appreciate the vestments? Didn't everyone but him appreciate your work?

You're taking all this shit while you support the motherfucker?

Well it's not a surprise I saw this coming when you remarried.. and so did you. :rolleyes:

I can't walk a mile in your shoes. I'd get one mostly on, and stumble and break my ankle trying to get the other on. A mile?! No fucking way.

However.

I do have my own thoughts and opinions, which I have mostly (almost completely) kept to myself on this topic, but xoB's remarks at the end there... like he's reading my mind.

I'm just gonna think out loud a little here... I like you ortho, I do. I admire many things about you (not an exhaustive list), your humor, your openness, your clear communications, your bravery and your fucking guts to get through aaaaallll the shit you've gotten through. I hated hearing about your terrible home situation, then biiig changes, HOORAY!. Then *more* changes, and for your own reasons, the sum total of all your reasons for and against, you remarried him.

It's just plain right for me to accept (As. If. there were any other reaction. pffft) your choice, but... Now it seems one or more of the negative factors is pressing on you. Maybe the sum total indicates still to stick with what you've got, but the things you see and hear and feel the most are the negative ones. It sucks for me to watch you suffer (wah me). I truly wish you were reporting different experiences.

I remember well my own anguish from my home life, and it's just that, a memory. *NONE* of the shit that was poisoning my life before is a significant presence in my life now. Mostly because I have different people, and at different distances than before, but also because my own boundaries are wwaaaaaay better. There's still room for improvement, but I have made strides. Life is much better as a direct result. And the lives of the people I previously worked so hard to love/protect/serve/teach/feed/provide for are also better, but really, it's because I'm taking better care of my own goddamn self. Some people needed to fuck off. Those that didn't voluntarily do so got help from me.

When I got rid of a lot of the shittiness, surprise, surprise, my life became a lot less stinky. I hope your life becomes less stinky too. I can't tell you what to do... no, wait. I can tell you what to do, but how, that's tactical, you have to figure that out in each situation yourself. But here's your overarching strategy, morning to nighttime, Take care of yourself. Put yourself first. You can't help anyone else if you're not able to function well yourself. Duh, these aren't absolute, fundamentalist ideas, not subject to reality. Don't be dumb about them. But orthodoc, let your own name move to the top of your list of people you like, people you love, people you want to protect and care for.

All those others will benefit as well, including those that truly need help fucking off. Trust me, the ones that need it the most know it the least. Be a pal, do them a favor, tell them.

What they said. I too ... been there done that.

Good thoughts, good advice, and I appreciate them. I did see the potential for this, although I hoped there had been enough drastic change to create a different dynamic in future. That said, I sometimes allow myself to vent (believe me, I am not always tightly-controlled) at my husband when I'm really projecting frustration from dealing with a middle-school dynamic among a dysfunctional staff at work, or I'm exhausted because I have neuropathy that doesn't let me sleep, etc. Not fair to him or to you here, who only hear my side of things.

I do think that stepping back and keeping my own priorities, values, and boundaries in place is going to be my best strategy, as you say, V. In the morning light, watching the winter sunshine create snow sparkles in the back garden and seeing the birds arrive, squabble, and fill themselves at the feeders, I feel so much at home in this place - it's my refuge. I feel I can navigate this situation. Solving things late at night with vodka is not a good strategy. I'll stay away from that.

I really appreciate your patience. Friends, you guys are.

I'm glad to hear you don't always default to Canadian mode when he pisses you off, you know it's unhealthy to bottle it up all the time. Yell and scream occasionally, and pick out some cheap sacrificial dishes, for punctuating your bullet points, in advance, so you won't break something good by mistake.

No shit, it'll shake up the routine a little, get him wondering if he's pushed too far. Oh, and you could apply for a concealed carry permit, you don't need to own a gun to apply for the permit. Get extra application forms, you know, I case you screw one up. If you don't need them you can jut leave them laying around.

I have more. ;)

Stuck in St Louis. :( three cancellations and reschedules. should have been home hours ago. in hotel at airport but hard to enjoy when I'm tired and stressed and just want to be home. hoping the 8am flight will actually happen

The fuckers at least paid for the hotel, right?

Air travelers faced a new round of headaches Sunday from a major winter storm, the second to disrupt air travel in a week. More than 4,560 flights had been canceled through Monday.

company will reimburse for hotel. An hour til boarding, still, but I'm at the gate and my bag is off on a trip somewhere...... ;)

fingers crossed for you

Good luck today.

thanks all. home :)

yey:)