We thought Mum wouldn't have to go through chemo.
Turns out she will.

And then she sends me an email saying she's sorry she upset me (by telling me the news)
I guess I didn't manage to pass off the sniffling as well as I thought.

Of course I sent her one back saying she's the one with cancer and she should never hold off telling me the truth, and I was only upset because I love her.
But it set it all off again and I had to have a good old howl. Easier to hide that from Mum from behind a keyboard.

I'm really sorry Sundae.

Oh Sundae, so so sorry to see this. Big hugs to you xxx

Out of an abundance of caution, I'm sure...:grouphug:

We're here for you, Sundae. You can type the howl out, if you want to.

Chemo is unpleasant, but not fatal. it's nothing like the images of our childhoods when it was still in it's early/experimental stages. they have a plethora of anti-nausea drugs and drugs to combat all sorts of side effects. Except the losing your hair. That is often a necessary evil. I am sorry you had thought she would not need it -it's pretty inescapable for stage 3 cancers because that means the cancer has spread outside of the original tumor, so even if they think they got it all with surgery, they can't be certain. It doesn't mean it's worse than they thought. Better chemo now than realizing they missed a bit later. On the plus side, you'll be able to help her shop for scarves etc.

Damn, hon, you're really through the mill right now. Like monster says - better this than not get it all. Sounds like they're really looking after your mum.

I know. It's better to be safe than sorry. It was just a shock.
And I honestly thought I was doing okay with it. Nearly as well as she was. So to get her apology and realise I'd upset her even more (even more than having cancer!) was really awful.

She's still going to try to come up between now and Christmas. Before she starts treatment and gets too ill. It all depends on whether she can get my brother to stay with Dad. She loves Otley, and wants us to go to the places we couldn't because of Dad's poor mobility. Skipton Castle, Hebden Bridge, Ilkley (where there's a branch of Bettys), maybe even meet up and stay together in York instead of Otley. She could only really be away for two nights, so we couldn't do all of that - she gets tired too (she's 69 after all) and forgets that when Dad dozes off after lunch, so does she. But we'd do something fun.

Fingers crossed.
I'm not pushing this at her; it's her idea, her plan. But you bet your brass knockers I'll jump at it. My honest opinion? She's scared that this may be her last chance. Between her own understandable fear at having cancer for the second time, and Dad's dementia, she wants to pack in as much as she can. She's not on the endangered list by any means. But she's facing her own mortality, she's losing her husband and she wants to kick back and have some fun.

I'm only just now reading about your Mum, Sundae. I had no idea, mostly because I really don't keep up around this place like I used to. Please know that you're all in my thoughts, and give your Mum a hug for me. Do you think she might like some of those christmas treats again this year?

My post in the 'Short Films' thread doesn' t meet the The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' criteria for a short film.

Don't send anything you can't afford. A card would be more than enough - she'll love to know you've thought of her.
I'll PM you their new address.

Fing X-mas music already.

I will put a small package together for her. x

Goddamned, motherfucking thieves.

what did they take?

I miss having a cat.

I can't have a cat. Not right now. I know that. My life is too chaotic, my flat is unhygienic and inhospitable, I have rats.
But I feel like the fictional and non-fictional accounts of a woman longing for a baby.

I want the heft of a cat in my arms. I want the feel of the fur. I want the weight against me when I sleep. I want to feel the purr. I even don't mind the Spindly Death Claws, and the games of Mad Cat Scramble and Kamikaze Death Cat (where the belly is offered to be rubbed, but attack can come at any second.)

I miss having a cat in my life so much.
Bawled my eyes out this morning.

Popped them back in to come here though.

Oh hon, I know that feeling. The seven or eight years I went without my own dog, before getting Pilau, I was just like that. I'd look at other people walking their dogs and be overwhelmed with full-on, throat-catching longing. It was never very far from my mind.

Nothing from me, but my friend got hit pretty hard. Most generous guy who ever lived, too, you didn't need to steal from him, he would have helped you any way he could.:mad:

Girl, you're telling my life. I don't want a cat, though. I want mine back.:sniff:

Attachment 54082

I shouldn't have went through those pictures, dammit.

Something in my eye...

Mum saw the oncologist yesterday.
She's been assessed as a "medium" risk. Unlike two of her friends, who have to have hospital treatment, or one of the others who had to wait months for treatment at the other end of the scale.

They're confident that the surgeon removed the cells from the original site (breast) but not that rogue cells aren't roaming about, ready to form colonies elsewhere.
So she has to start treatment in the next few weeks.
And Mum says this may mean Christmas (in London) will have to cancelled.

Of course I immediately said that this was fine, and I'd rather have her well.
But I had a very good cry afterwards.
Because although the trip was all her idea, I didn't realise how much I'd emotionally invested in it. Had an outfit to wear, have a sack of presents, have a mini (fake) Christmas tree for their room etc etc. SO looking forward to the boat trip on the Thames, the steakhouse dinner on Christmas Eve, dressing up for lunch.

This will make me sound like a silly, spoiled child compared to what Mum must be going through. Which is of course losing all that as well, AND going through chemo, AND having to deal with Dad. But I can only tell you how I feel.

It might still happen of course. She has to wait until next Friday to get her treatment schedule. By then I'll be more resigned. I'm only upset because I heard last night and can't handle change well. And it's better that I tell you on here than let any of it leak out in my conversations with Mum.

Oh, and I might still be able to make it to Aylesbury.
My train tickets are for London, but I can travel on from there. So I can be a help and a presence at least.

Not new behavior, you've always gotten wound up about future events, like your get togethers with Dana and Limey. A significant event like family Christmas would always make you ramp up planning and anticipation. Now it's even more important, and you've more time to dedicate to it, because of not working and having large gaps in your social calendar. Add the stress of your parent's health issues hanging like Damocles Sword, I'm not surprised the tears come easy.

You can get all rational and shit, telling yourself it's silly and not a big deal compared to others' problems, but it's your safety valve. Safety valves are preset, they don't say hey, do you think it's time to relieve some pressure? Fuck no, when the time comes they do their thing automatically, and have no regard for time, place, or if they'll embarrass you in public.

So don't let it worry you, what you've been doing and thinking isn't very far from what you've always done. You ain't as crazy as you seem to think. http://cellar.org/2012/nono.gif

Well, no crazier than you've always been, anyway. :haha:

Thanks hon.

Bruce is right, and you already know that although you find it hard to cope with change your plans to see your parents and help your mum are changed, not cancelled altogether.
I've wanted for a while to point out that it is you your mum turns to every time for help and support so obviously you are doing everything right. Chin up girl! Love and hugs from all at Chateau Limey! xxx


Sent by thought transference

What bruce and Limes said.

*hugs* you're doing awesome, hon.

Sorry Sundae, that's one tough bit of news after another. I hope your mum's treatment schedule will still allow for your family Christmas plans in London. It's okay to be upset, why wouldn't you be? You're doing a fantastic job of support for your parents in a hard situation, don't let any negative thoughts convince you that you're silly or spoiled. No way.

New keyboard came from newegg today. No !@#$% drivers or manuals. :bitching:
And online banking says I have wrong username or password. WTF

Another thing to remember is that your Mum is really good at jumping to the worst conclusion, so maybe nothing will have to change in the end. :)

@buster: that sucks. Any chance of getting the manuals and drivers online?

Yeah. I found them on Bill's site. Still pissed thou. 1st time screw up by newegg for me.:rolleyes:

Update

I have not updated on purpose; the story takes time to develop.

They found that the original breast cancer has spread to her spine, her pelvic bone, and her liver. So it's now stage 4.

There was a period where she didn't know what to do. She investigated a "doctor" in Argentina who, for $17,000, would put her on a special anti-cancer diet. In a conference call with the guy, he claimed that chemotherapy kills millions and his diet solves cancer at a DNA level. Her husband went off on the guy.

I asked, "Did you ever consider it?" He told me "If we actually had $17,000, I would use it to put a contract out on him."

At first she was hurt that her husband would not support her. Then her friends started telling her to wise up. After the third one, she came around and announced that, yes, she would use western medicine.

This week the radiation has begun, but she has had a terrible week of opiate withdrawal, pain, emotional swings, taking doctor's orders and then not following them; being re-hospitalized for pain. In one moment of bad times she briefly wanted to can it all, but again came around.

Husband has been a rock all his life, the dependable older brother. He doesn't know how long he can be that. He is alternately furious and devastated and spun around by it all. He just wants his wife back.

He's one of my oldest friends, and he's been the guitarist for "Rocky" all this time. He wants me to play "Rent" in April. I almost want to say no because I don't know where HE will be in April. If her treatments are successful, she will be given more time, in years. If she suddenly decides to quit treatment, she will be gone by then.

I have a friend with exactly this -metastasized BD bust a vertebrae which had to be removed. She fights like all fury and is determined to live as long and as fully as possible, but occasionally finds the pain so extreme that it can be hard for her to justify continuing treatment. but she does. Beest has metastatic colon cancer. Stage 4. No real pain, this one is a silent killer. So we're doing the chemo. But it's different from most chemo. no hair loss, but extreme sensitivity to cold to a point of extreme pain. Even tap water needs to be heated to be drunk sometimes. I'm not looking forward to winter, I can't really imagine he is either, we live in the fucking arctic. But I digress, unfortunately for your friend, there just aren't any great choices, rock and a hard place. But I'm sure she isn't making obviously bad choices without care for those around her. Pain has a great knack for invading logical thought processes and diverting the stream of thought. When you hurt really badly, it can make sense to reject everything that you're doing now and go off at a tangent just to try and make it stop -like jumping off a tall cliff when you're being attacked by a swarm of bees in the hope that they won't be able to keep up with you during you descent.....

I'm sorry for everyone's suffering. Fuck cancer.

Just what, again, has been the reason for her avoidance of western medicine protocols until now? Was she raised in another culture, have a terrible experience with medical treatment here, born psychologically impaired, fried her brain on drugs, punishing everyone (maybe just her husband) because she got cancer and they didn't, attention whore extraordinaire; or, just too lazy to fight the good fight? There's more and more people gravitating to that last category who would rather die than have to work at living.

Is your friend selfless enough to talk hospice with her.

She may have been evaluating her husband's (and other's) receptiveness to a hospice conversation with that dead end scenario ... that is unless you can tell us the woman is just plain stupid or nuts.

Sorry about the predicament it puts you in.

Bottled water kept at room temperature goes down easy when I feel the need to hydrate quickly.

One of the down sides of the information age is the ability of quacks and scams to distract people with promised miracles, when looking for help. Those bastards are the lowest of the low, they don't just steal your money like a Nigerian Prince.

We hear Aunt Ruth, or Joe at work, has cancer then their gone, it's common to think cancer=death, sometimes slow and ugly, sometimes quick. I remember 40 years ago, a girl who was known as a drama queen said she had cancer, then a year later it was in remission. We all thought she had made it up for sympathy/attention. Remission, what the hell is that?
It's taken a long time for it to sink in that it's not automatic, there is treatment to put it into remission if it's detected early. Yes, maybe your GP isn't the best person to map a strategy, but he/she certainly knows a specialist who is. My mother had skin cancer at 65, and lived to be 95.

You could say it was because she went through a shit ton of regular medicine and still found herself in her predicament. 3? miscarrages, 2 cancers and one open-heart surgery before the last breast cancer diagnosis. Maybe she got tired of all that, and wanted to believe something else.

You could say she was wooed by the woo and still is - she was interested in some sort of woo convention around here where they are pitching healing crystals and whatnot

I can't say for sure. When her husband originally tried to talk sense into her, she quit speaking to him altogether. What are ya gonna do.

Sounds like a case of for better or for worse: he couldn't do any better and she couldn't do any worse.

It used to more often be the other way around; but, gender equality and all that jazz dontcha know.

I just realized today is the eighth anniversary of my best friend John's death. It almost got by me.

We still miss you, John.

:sniff:

:blackr:

Hugs Grav. It's always hard when it sneaks up and hits you unawares. X

Sent by thought transference

Auntie Joyce has died.
And it's unlikely I'll be able to get to her funeral.

She was a proper East End woman - stood by her man (Dad's brother Ted) through thick and thin. Laughed like a drain. Could drink for England.

I remember a night when she, Mum and I stayed up until the early hours, fuelled by Barcardi? vodka? (before I knew my drinking was a real problem) well after the "boys" gave up and went to bed. None of us could eat the next day, but she was impressed with my chops when I ordered a hair-of-the-dog.

She had a Tax Office job at a time few women of her class/ accent did. She got a good pension too, which helped see them through. She refused until the end to go into care (mentioned in this thread I think) but sadly ended up being shuttled from one home to hospital to another, to hospital and back, because she wouldn't sign consent.
Anyway, she lost the fight, as we all will in the end.

But I loved her.

It sounds like she was her own woman Sundae, a solid person to have known.

Sorry about your friend's situation Tony. Maybe we should all be considering our end of life issues.

Sorry for your loss, Sundae.

I'm sorry for your loss Sundae.

Auntie Joyce sounds like a badass, neither intimidating nor intimidated, the reason England will carry on. :thumbsup: RIP Joyce.

Like all great nieces I think you take after your Auntie, Sundae my dear x


Sent by thought transference

I've just been catching up on this thread. Hugs to all. Also, I concur with Limey's above assessment.

In hospital again. Vomiting blood from Monday.
Nil by Mouth SO thirsty!) Catheter, adult nappy (diaper), oxygen.

0n saline, & new drug, vitamins, ani biotioicts & may get a blood transfusion 2moro. Been to Surgery but too woozy to take anything in yesterday.

Sigh.
AND I Left my glasses behind!)

Shit, hon, that sounds dreadful :(

That sucks, at least you're in the right place to get fixed. :(

w
t
f

Wow, Sundae. That's scary.

Oh Sundae, what happened? Get better soon.

Yah. I admit I don't follow this thread very well, but reading back, I don't see an indication of what precipitated this.

I hope you're Ok, though. ....

Nope, out of left field, Jim.

Damn. Sorry Sundae.

Get better, Sundae. :(

So sorry to see this, Sundae. Get well soon!


Sent by thought transference

Damn girl...Hang in there.:hug:

Just saw this. Thank you, kind lady!

Has anyone heard from sundae? Is she ok??

I was thinking about her this morning...