thanks, all. starting over fresh has its pro's i know. as i type i have tears in my eyes because the family room couch is right in front of me. we picked that out when we first got to arizona. we spent countless nights laughing and talkign about the future on it. it was the piece of furniture my son leaned against the first time he stood up.

am i overly sentimental? yep. i want it for all those reasons. i don't want it for all those reasons. this house we are in we designed together, decorated together, etc.

Sorry Lookout, but I've been out for just over a month and a 1/2 and it is getting a little better each day. Two steps forward and 1 back - its just the way it goes. I've cried myself to sleep many a night and others I'd just stay up till I passed out. I'm not sure if this helps, but the bad days are getting fewer and farther apart. I miss my kids so much. But the pain will ease and you will live and, believe it or not, love again. One friend said a divoce is like a forest fire. In the beginning it is all crazy and out of control, then there is nothing but destruction. Then finally, new life beins to grow from the ashes. . . . . Good luck, my friend.

I'm so sorry to hear this, lookout. My best wishes for you and your boy.

Sorry I'm late with this... and I see that she has filed, but it really doesn't matter in a civil trial who files first... you can always counter-claim to get yourself on the top, so then it looks like X v. Y v. X... yadda yadda yadda.

Order only matters in a criminal trial. You want to be the one who files first - because you're not the crook ;).

Hey lookout,
I'm sure it's not the money but the extra drop in your esteem of her that hurts the most. Remember that this isn't the woman you fell in love with and married. She is sick and her actions and motivations are colored by her illness and her lawyer's greed and are not indicative of her true nature.

Don't let the pain get the upper hand. Adults get mired in the past, kids are living now. Take a cue from your son.

And like Beestie said, you've got the whole cellar behind you.

Damn, that really sucks. Well, the gloves are off. And its very unfair to you who would like to do this as amicably and as considerately to li'l lookOut as possible. Protect your son and yourself as you would against anyone who would bring stress and disruption into your lives. I don't see why she should get a "free pass" to wreak havoc at your expense.

I know you don't feel this way and I understand but if it were me, I'd take her ass to the mat.

But, in spite of the bumpy ride ahead - it won't be as bad as it seems right now. Check in and post updates. I've helped a lot of friends through similar situations and this one is shaping up the same way. I'll fast forward to the end: you and lookOut Jr. will bond together and both of you will come out of this better, stronger and happier.

And if you ever find yourself in a spot and you just don't know what to do, do what I do - ask what John Belushi would have done and do that. ;)

The advice here is the best, and typically getting stuff off your chest is the best way to keep it from suffocating you so please post whenever you need to vent. No one here sees it as whining or weakness to take care of yourself. Instead of wasting energy trying to figure what is going on in her head, spend it making sure your boy is taken care of. You have the Cellar (and RL friends), but all he's got is you :). There is no such thing as too many hugs. I hope the storm is short and the resulting damage as minor as possible. Good Luck.

I'll add my good wishes to everyone's here. I'll also repeat what I think I've said here before: this is between you and her, keep LittleLookOut right out of it, even if she keeps trying to drag him into it. That may not be easy, but it's the best course in the long run.

One of the benefits of posting is having to get things, that are playing tag in your head, in a logical order so you can write them down. It can be a big help when you feel confused and overwhelmed. :juggle:

Hang in there, Lookout. This is post number 265 in your support! ;)

Best of luck to you lookout.

The worst of it is over, man. Now you have a future to tend to, best get started. lookout jr. deserves the best, and you do too.

Lookout, please don't take what I am about to say/type as flippant or disrespectful, because it isn't. Okay, it is going to be a bit crude and boorish, but I want to make sure I'm getting the fundamental message across to you. I know exactly what you are feeling right now - however, I now have 14 years of perspective behind me, and so I'll just tell you what I found out when I went through what you are experiencing.

Right now, you feel rejected, belittled, hurt and uncertain of yourself. You feel like you weren't good enough to keep the love of your wife and mother of your child. Right now, I'll bet you are questioning everything you ever did or said with her, wondering how you could have been so wrong, and wondering why you couldn't see it sooner and make up for it.

Screw that. You *are* a good and fine person. You *will* look back on these days and wonder why it hurt so damn much...and there is nothing that will help you start on the road to that end any better than the first piece of ass you nail as a single, divorced father.

The sooner you get out there, strut the package, pull out the old stuff, unencumbered by the deteriorating years of marriage, the better. When a bitch has ripped out your guts and handed them back to you, minus 40% for legal fees, the only answer is to find a piece of strange and let her remind you of the man you really are.

For some stupid reason, approval is like a magickal healing drug, and nothing says approval like a woman who wants you to give her the Lookout Layout. So line up a babysitter and start making phone calls. Start planning your recovery. In particular, look up that little hottie you've run into at parties a couple of times...you know - that one who made it so obvious that she wanted to do nasty things to you, but you couldn't, becuase you've always been married. The one who would have done you right there in the coat closet if you'd given her half a chance? There is no time like the present, and I guarantee you that, for a few hours at least, it won't hurt.

You do this a few times, and your attitude will turn from "No one wants me" to "stupid bitch, look what she ain't gonna get no more." Meanwhile, thanks to the miracle of Enhanced Self Esteem, you will be a better father, a more rational divorce correspondent and a guy with a big smile on his face that everyone wonders about.

There was never a more satisfying moment in my relationship with my ex than the night she stood banging on my locked bedroom door while I was inside banging on a lovely lady friend. I don't think she saw that one coming...

Be well, brother.

Well! How am I s'posed to follow that voice of experience?

Just to chime in that I wish you the best outcome for all this crap and I know that you are the right man to raise a strong, smart, kind little looker. Ride the waves.

thanks all. i know there is truth in all the words entered for my support. i just left the land of amicable divorce and entered the battlegrounds though. no fresh piece for me for awhile as i watch my p's and q's. she went and hired a well known POS bulldog for an attorney.

i was served my divorce papers today. her attorney's first salvo? he filed on valentine's day. fortunately i'm not into hallmark holidays so that doesn't really matter to me, but a nice first showing of his class.

they are demanding joint custody. yeah right. i would get him two nights each week (that she just happens to have to work late on) and every other weekend. for that honor i get to pay all medical, tuition, etc, + child support. they've inflated my income by 10% and decreased hers by 40%. *pfft* i've got her business books from all year. guess it wasn't such a bad idea to copy every document in my office a month or so ago.

her lawyer actually turned red when i took my pen in my hand as if to sign this ridiculous crap, but then i stopped and said "as soon as you climb up on this desk, drop your drawers, and suck your own cock - i'll sign." i put the pen down and sat back. after a 5 count i stood up and let him know that he would hear the response through my attorney. they tried explaining that i would spend the pittance they were prepared to give me in legal fees if i chose to fight. my response? "i'll see your pittance and raise you - every penny i have now and will make for the next year. i'll make more." then i turned and invited my wife to dinner, gave her a kiss on the lips, and walked out.

*let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuumble*