jojo, dont quit, We appriciate your kind words. My ex is a psychotic addict that left me and her daughter almost destitute. I belive that the cellar is the best forum on the web.

The people here can be kind, or mean, but they are always real. I know that I have found friends here. Sometimes we dont get back as soon as we should, but we always reply. So hang in there, and stick around

Welcome to the cellar where the FUN never ends.

jojo--I just read your post. Don't give up. Don't you ever give up. I send you a cyberhug (feel it? :) and some good psychic energy. Keep making coffee, keep going on--this too shall pass. I promise.

jojo,
If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You’ll see things in a different way.

Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.

Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you’ve done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.

Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.

All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don’t believe that it’s true,
I never meant any harm to you.

Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.

Don’t you look back,
Don’t you look back.

Keep humming or whistling or singing for as long as it takes. :)

Jojo, you should get a pet. Four years ago I was devastated by a break up with a man, a controlling one too, who I deeply but foolishly loved. After nine years together, my twenties long gone, and me being financially dependent on him --- I DID NOT KNOW HOW I WOULD GET THROUGH IT. One important contributor to my survival, among many, has been my dog. I got her about 3 mos. after I moved out. These animals give you unconditional love and devotion that no human could ever match. Those few times at the bottom, when I didn't think I could go on, my little Astrid kept me going. I'm sure the same is true for your kids. They may be behaving selfishly, but you cannot be selfish yourself. You must march on with dignity for them, as an example, regardless of how they treat you. But, I also highly recommend a pet for a much improved mental outlook. Also, I'll pray for you to gain strength.

I give myself credit (not often enough) for getting through the last year. As some of you know, in August 04 I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It was kept under control with meds and diet until March 05 when I was hospitalized for the first time with a bad flare. They thought I was OK, so I went back to normal life.

June 05 It had become very bad again and I was again hospitalized and told I would need surgery to remove the diseased portion of my small intestine, in the most common place Crohnies have problems, the terminal ileum. July 05 I finally found a surgeon I trusted and had 11” of my small intestine removed (I asked if I could have it but the surgeon said we should send it to be tested instead). I went home a week later feeling better than ever.

Three days later, I was back in the ER, dizzy and vomiting, with a temperature of 104. I had a leak where they reattached my intestines (so I was basically shitting inside myself – not good) AND I had contracted a staph infection from the first surgery. If we had waited much longer, my body would have shut down and I would have died. I was rushed into emergency surgery at 11:30pm on a Saturday night. I woke up to find that I had an ileostomy (like a colostomy, but from the small bowel instead of the colon) and a “wound vac” (Google KCI Wound V.A.C. if you’d like) attached to my surgery incision (looked like a smile – from hip to hip). They couldn’t close me because of the staph infection. You could literally see my intestines when they changed the dressings. My husband doesn’t get woozy often, but he turned white as a sheet when he saw that! If you’re wondering, no, I never looked.

I had no immune system by then, so I was put in a “clean room” and everyone that came to see me had to be suited and gloved. I never knew what it was like to long for skin to skin touch. Just a handshake would have made me a little less depressed, but it was for my own good and I knew it wouldn’t be forever.

So I had this vacuum machine attached to me for the next 2+ months along with the beauty and comfort of the ostomy bag for close to 6 months. I was on a Total Parenteral Nutrition IV for about 8 weeks and went most of that time without eating (got down to 96 lbs). I was allowed to drink small sips of water every now and then. They also found several abscesses around my intestines. A couple had to be drained by inserting a large needle and sucking out the contents. OH! And I had fluid collecting around my liver that was causing me a lot of pain so they stuck a huge needle in through my back to drain it (a little over a pint of Mountain Dew looking fluid). All done while I was awake, by the way.

I was in a bed for so long that I had to have physical therapy to help me walk again. They even sent me home from the hospital with a walker! I’m WAY too young to need a walker! But I found the humor in it and joked with my Grandma about us having walker races.

Thankfully, I got to have the ileostomy reversed Feb 06 and have come back to work after 9 months. Life goes on. Big, nasty scars and all.

You’d think I would have gone nuts after all of this, right? In the hospital 74 days and it seemed like every day someone would come to give me more bad news. How did I cope? Well, the pain meds kept me a little loopy and I was given so much in the beginning that some of it is still a blur. But I had a wonderful support team. My husband was with me every step of the way. My mom and dad (who have been divorced for 14 years) were there for me and each other, every day. My friends would come and hang out with me, decorate my hospital room, joke about my poop bag and “the cherry tomato” (Google stoma). Don’t get me wrong, I did my share of freaking out every now and then, but I was so sure that it couldn’t get any worse! I had to keep the nurses laughing so they’d be in a good mood around me. I had to watch for that light at the end of the tunnel. I knew it had to come.

I realize how precious life is.
I realize how much my family and friends love me.
I realize how strong I am despite my insecurities.
And I realize that a sense of humor really helps in a shitty situation.

Wow, chainsaw. I knew a little about how bad Crohn's could be, but I had no idea. You should really give yourself credit for getting through the last year. You are a survivor.

How's your quality of life now?

Thanks for sharing chainsaw. I didn't know so many complications could arise. You are made of some pretty stuff stuff.


I am wondering what CAN you eat? How do you keep it from flaring?

Thanks guys :) Life is good... in all aspects. I'm seeing a new doctor (the only one that has said they would fix me). She is running lots of tests to see if I have a food allergy. TONS of people are misdiagnosed with Crohn's. I could be allergic to something that's in a lot of the foods we eat - wheat, corn, sugar, etc. If we figure out what it is, great! If not, we'll keep trying new things. Most mainstream docs just want to throw meds at you. That's fine, if they work. But everything I've taken so far just masks the symptoms (pain, diarrhea, etc.) There is not cure for Crohn’s, but I have met two people that go to this new doctor that have NO symptoms and are taking NO meds. It’s all controlled with diet and supplements (IV vitamins, shakes, etc.) I’m optimistic that the worst is behind me.

Glad you're doing better, chainsaw! I have to admit your story makes me uncomfortable though, in the sense that now, every time a dwellar quietly disappears for no apparent reason, I'm going to assume that they're suffering in the hospital if not outright dead. :(

Glad you came back!

Thank you for your wisdom chainsaw.

First you swaety mother-fucker learn how to spell the so called medical condition that you suffer from PROPERLY..then learn some basic hygiene you stinky fat fuck!!

DN

Barak
Barak
Barak

Fuck off and die you cracker redneck mother fucker!

Jochser
Jochser
Jochser

barak