I'm single, and I don't deal with strangers very well. And I've moved around enough that my close friends are all elsewhere.

I've never been lonely a day in my life until a couple months ago. That's when the silence became painful.

I've looked into it and would, but in order to get a work visa you have to have a sponsoring employer there, and in order to get an employer there you have to be in country or already have a work visa. As I understand it.

Yeah, I could manage to "move" anywhere. And I'm looking to move. I just have this stupid responsible streak that won't let me just pack up and take off without a plan.

Also, I'm not necessarily looking for introverts, though that would probably be best. An extrovert that understands introverts would work too, but I think thats probably harder to find than a snipe.

I'm basically happy. Sometimes, I just start to feel sorry for myself in the evenings.

That's a healthier approach than the one I normally use.

Why don't I find that hard to believe?

(I don't think I've not responded to anyone. Maybe I'll have some groundbreaking thoughts at the gym.)

Great article about this that I found a few years ago.

That is great - thank you.

I forget I am an introvert sometimes, because the term is misused to mean shy or lacking confidence.

I feel ready to celebrate it again now!

Grant--don't think I'm being flip, but do you at all think your feelings have anything to do with it being January? The weather has a huge effect on my own moods. Jan/Feb and March are hard for me unless it's sunny out---and it never is. You say you are feeling it around the evenings---what are you doing? watching TV? reading? Music? There's nothing lonelier than twilight in Jan/Feb/March! I try to flood my senses--embroidery with the TV on, lots of lights and I FORCE myself to make dinner. A real dinner. When I am at my worst, I won't even bother to open a can of condensed soup as it's too much trouble. Just some ideas.

Like UT, I don't like many people either. I find people boring or rude or both. I've learned to live alone (with my teenage son, so maybe that doesn';t quite count) and I doubt very much if I could now stand living with another adult. Yikes.

Excellent article!

As for meeting people, maybe when you are feeling lonely, go to a local coffee shop or library and sit by someone who is sitting alone. A simple smile given and recieved would probably be enough to make you feel a little better. And, if you're feeling really crazy, even say hello. :) Bring a book (or grab one off the shelf) as a conversation starter, or as a back up activity if you change your mind about being social.

Yeah, I've read that article a few times. It usually just pisses me off.

I usually read, watch a movie, pine for the fjords, or catch up on bloglines and the Cellar as I've been doing lately.

I used to wonder if it was the weather, but I don't think that's it. I think I'm allergic to suburban sprawl.

More good advice. Thanks, LabRat.

I am a strange bird, too. :)

I have a friend I work with who I wish understood that sometimes I am just lost in thought (as opposed to times when I am the office clown) and asking me if everything is OK is akin to pushing me in front of a moving bus. :D

I've just printed out "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush" to go behind my desk.

Along with explodingdog's You Can't Make Me Cry Today.

Yes they think I'm slightly odd. No, I don't care all that much.

Those are awesome, thanks for the pointer.

There are more suicides in January than any other month of the year.

So, having had time to digest this, I realise that the same is true of the women in my family. The "close" friends we do have tend to be men, and they're still not that close. We just don't do the girly thing (whatever that is). But I've never really thought about it before and it's never really bothered me.

I had a crappy childhood (not really abusive or anything, just bog-standard divorce crappy), but I concentrated on dealing with that rather than making friends. I learned to love when I was an adult, and I never got secure about that until I met beest. (And I still don't do hugs for anyone but my immediate family).

But I only realise that in hindsight. And I realise now that I've only really learned how to make friends since I moved here 6 years ago aged 30. Which I guess is what prompted my comment about England.

Advice? Like you say, there's not a lot really. My advice is not to worry. When the right relationship comes along, you will know and it will suddenly be OK. Trying to be someone else to make a success of a relationship is a recipe for failure. When you need close friends, you will learn how to make them, but right now, you seem cool, just at an emotional low point and wondering if it would be easier if you had a bosom buddy. It most likely wouldn't, so don't beat yourself up over it.

I was a bit like Monster, though the childhood was worse. I kept to myself because dealing with my parents' divorce and then being abused for years took some dealing with. I was teased a lot growing up, and it was just easier to keep to myself and a very few friends.

In college, though, I got away from all of the things that had made being more social difficult for me before. I was able to recreate myself and become someone completely new, free of preconceived reputation. Thus was born the extrovert I am now.

As some of you read over in my thread, I'm going through a really excruciating breakup and have retreated somewhat into that introvert shell. The really, really ironic thing to this is that the man who just broke up with me is an introvert, and I'm coming to realize, after reading that article, that I did everything wrong as it relates to him as an introvert. I wish I had had that article a year ago :(

a random thought that came into my email this morning.

What a difference a sad event in someone's life makes.


GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...)



Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin