You really are not much of an a-hole.

I have never made toast in my toaster. I make frozen waffles. But my Cuisinart has lasted, oh, maybe 5 years now...

Flint, I actually broke the toaster at my work by forcing the lever up rather than realizing there was something as stupid as a cancel button on it.

Did you look here for toaster reviews?

You're just saying that because you've been drinking.

I'm lovin' humanity but the bottle is empty...

The reviewer is clearly lame.

Like any toaster you set the doneness, and push the lever. Interesting features on that one include a muffin warmer (those grids on the top), a bagel setting that actually works, and a soft eject, so that your toast doesn't go flying across the kitchen when it's done. The doneness is assessed based on humidity rather than temperature, so you can toast multiple slices in a row and get them right every time, rather than progressively lighter toast with the same setting.

This drives us crazy. Most toasters are uneven and unpredictable. I want one that will do a full sized bit of toast as well as bagles. So far we are striking a big zero. I will have to check out some of those on the sites above. $60, maybe; $320?!?!?!?! no frigging way.

Well, over the weekend, I took my toaster apart.

Had to break a little plastic latch that was holding the lever on in order to remove the case. Unplugged two cables, and had it apart. Cleaned crumbs out of it. There was one crumb wedged in between the plastic body and the circuit board. By the way, there were two integrated circuits on the circiut board for this toaster. Toasters with circiut boards! What the hell? Integrated circuits?! Anyway, now it works. I needed to repair the lever I broke, but drilling a hole and using a little strand of copper wire like a twist tie makes it work just fine. So now it works perfectly. I guess the crumb touching the leads to the IC was messing up the circuitry a little bit somehow. Hopefully I'll get a couple more years out of it.

Flame on...

I got a Toastmaster Lightwave toaster oven/broiler about two years ago, and I love it. It's damn versatile. You have to be willing to "learn" how it does things, though. Once you've got it sussed, you get great, reproducible results every time.
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Oh yeah, and I banished the old toaster to the bottom of the appliance cabinet. It hasn't seen the light of day in two years.

Toaster ovens rule.

Cooking, heating up left-overs, and they even make some awesome toast. It's awesome to be able to eat without heating up the entire house by firing up the full-size oven.

No need for a microwave if you have a toaster oven.

Remember the day before planned obsolescence that you would actually take a toaster in to be REPAIRED? I don't either, but I've heard tell of those days. We throw away everything now.

We have it way better than Lisa Douglas on Green Acres.

OK newer model, much better than the last.

Related question, I think: why do toasters actually get the toast to dark brown on their darkest-brown setting, whereas toaster ovens' max setting gets the toast to light yellow at most? I've never even seen a toaster oven that gets the toast visibly toasted and not merely warm and dry in a single cycle. I always have to do one long toasting and then a short one.

Some complain the ovens' distribution of heating elements doesn't tan the toast evenly, but I don't mind that; the flavor is still the same -- but if only the toasting setting were adequate to the task without having to fiddle with it!