lmao!

I won't smoke in your house! Except for that one time, when I succumbed to peer pressure (Cic...tell her!)

ahhh. on my third cup of coffee and just had my 4th smoke of the day. yeah i smoke too much but i've got a flight from 11:00 to 2:00 and i can't smoke in the plane cuz i'm training someone and won't be sitting next to the little window (it's on the left side in piper aircraft) so i gotta get my nic fix before the flight!

2nd cup of coffee. Third Diet Coke. First bottle of water. Probably 6th cigarette, only one since I've been here at work (long drive to work, ya know!)

I should get an award! :queen:

I was an ex-smoker once. But then I quit.

(2nd cup of joe, gettin ready to go have my third smoke. I know, I'm a light weight.)

Years ago, I ordered my cigs online from an Indian res in NY. Then Washington state's Dept. of Revenue got all up in my shit and demanded I pay them $15 in taxes for every carton of cigs I'd ordered up to that point. Happily, the Indians reported that I'd only bought three cartons (when in fact, I'd been ordering from them for over a year), but still.

So, I'm wary of ordering cigs online, as the damned state revenoors are somehow keeping tabs. I see that this company is planning to take fax orders in the future, which might be a way around this.

*makes plans*

My dad, who is retired, has been doing the mowing for his brother who is in colon cancer treatment, and who, in his retirement, started this nice little business that he hopes to get back to when he is well.

I'm so proud of my dad, for taking all this on. Now, get this: one day he was mowing, minding his own business, when some freak face walked ACROSS THE STREET to talk to him. Dad shut off the mower and the freak says "Were you smoking?" Dad says "yeah?" and the guy says "Are you stupid?"

Dad said he started the mower and went on, but if you knew my dad the man is lucky he didn't hop off the mower and beat the living shit out of him. Dad said the guy looked about 50, but hobbled and snorted and snotted like he was 95. Dad is 70, looks 60, and is in great shape, works his ass off, while this fuckwad sits on his porch doing nothing all day but, apparently, judging people from his fat-ass chair.

Seriously, from across the street? I wish I had been there. I would've probably gone to jail. Excuse me? You dissin' MY dad, you ugly fuck freak? Bad move. [/end semi-related rant]

want me to fly over him and drop a water balloon filled with skunk snot and the cigarette butts i burned while getting there??

skunk snot. :lol:

Yes please! :D

me: "Houston departure, geronimo 4030p off of la porte enroute to off-load skunk snot at xxx."

houston departure: "4030p radar contact, turn left heading 040 and climb maintain one-four thousand. advise one minute prior to off-load"

me: "roger, wilco, advise one minute prior"

What's the penalty for premature ejaculation?

Smokers conjugate:
 

I smoke I smoked I will smoke I have smoked I am smoking.... damn, I knew I was hot

an early cigarette! speaking of which......

Puff.

Disclamier: Former cigarette smokers should not read the word "puff." It'll just make you want one.

I will have smoked.

My fave tense.