Sundae |
10-14-2009 01:59 PM |
I was 16 when I lost my virginity, and too young.
I spent my late childhood feeling way behind all my peers, because I was a late developer. God I hated that phrase - it took all I had not to put it in speech marks.. Gah.
But despite the lack of pubes & titties, I had the same desires as any teen: to be wanted; attractive; sought after etc. My 1st boyfriend was from another school. I was 15 then. He had no idea I'd been a skinny-legged, flat-chested freak for most of my school years. He liked me for who I was, and as a person. Many, many years later I foud out he was gay, and before he came out ALL his gfs were heroin chic thin! But I didn't know that then and he was wonderful practice for my first hand and blow-jobs.
Then I left school (my bday is in July - I technically left school when I was 15 because we had finished exams at that point.) Everyone I worked with was much older than me - the closest in age were two other school-leavers, both 18, both boys.
I was slowly and carefully seduced by a man 9 years my senior who wanted to make his ex jealous.
I was grateful for the attention, slowly succumbed, then fell for him like falling downstairs after we had sex the first time. I was a quarter past sixteen, of course I fell for him. Silly girl.
I didn't even use contraceptives, because I wanted to believe in the whole seduction story, and stopping to ask would have put me back in control. Luckily, he was at least a pragmatist. He drove me to the family planning clinic, and asked me in the carpark, "Are you going to be a strong woman about this? Or a little girl?" Meaning, do I come in with you, or stay outside? I wanted him to come in with me. I was an ex-convent girl scared of this den of iniquity. Turns out he didn't really mean it. "I know you're stronger than that, I know you want me to be proud of you." Gag. I loved him for it then though - he was trying to improve me. I've been a sucker for that ever since.
He didn't realise it was my first time. I was externally confident with snogs and foreplay - I'd been to a Christian festival, which sounds blameless, but if you get a bunch of teens camping without adult supervision you gotta expect hormones to triumph over Jesus. From what I remember, at least three BJs... So I'd had a reasonable amount of experience, but at 16 no-one had property or cars to get private in, so it stopped there.
I was too young to have sex in that I committed emotionally to a man who just wanted a bit of tail. I can't say my judgement ever improved - which is why these days I am asexual. If I could go back to being that sweet, fit, skinny child, I'd bestow my favours far more carefully. And learn to deep throat.
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