Coupla years ago, one of the swimmers on the summer team said "I can't swim fast today, I'm lactose intolerant" :lol:

Can't make it in today,Dave, I got the explosive diarrhea.

I cant make it in today. I have something wrong with my feet. I can't stand work.

I cant make it in today. I have something wrong with my eyes. I can't see myself getting anything done today.

I cant make it in today. I have something wrong with my bowels. I don't give a shit.

I cant make it in today. I have something wrong with my genitals. I don't give a well there are many more, you figure them out.

This isn't really an excuse, but it's kind of funny.

Student was all ticked off at the paperwork she had to fill out to get extra money. So, she was fussing and moping and grumping. She said "it's like pullin' teeth around here."

She hadn't a tooth in her head, by all reports. So, I guess she knew all about that.

One of Mrs. Dallas' cow-orkers once called in tired. "I can't come to work, I'm tired."

Yeah... we've all been there. But we weren't too stupid to put up a better front.

And yes, the term cow-orker was around before Dilbert.

Chap who worked (sort of) for my language school in Japan once called in sick, because it was rainy that day and he "might get wet".

That excuse wouldn't even work in Australia. In Japan, you are expected to swim to work with a broken pelvis, if you must.

This one is boring as all buggery, but it's still my favourite...first came across it in Japan and still hear it on a regular basis...it never fails to make me laugh...
"I have a fever".