insoluble - i remember now, it was SCADA systems, wasn't atari more powerfull?? (j/k):p

i used to race supercross and motocross as a teenager, that was grueling! i found muscles that i didn't even know i had, as well as breaking a few bones along the way. any kind of racing involves concentration, physical fitness as well as mental fitness. it's a huge demand on the body and brain. i commend anyone who has raced anything and also commend the fans b/c without them, well, we'd still do it but they make it more fun for the show!

Don't you know your name?


Much of the work we do each night is done with pairs of people. The normal molding equipment is heavy and 2 people are encouraged to handle it. The average item to be lifted and carried is a frame of fiberglass and angle iron about 4 ft by 2 1/2 ft by 1 foot. These weigh 78 lbs. The worker needs to walk them about 20 feet down the line every 2 to 3 minutes and stack them in a pile. There are lighter and heavier similar items to be lifted in the normal course of making sinks. The heaviest is 200 lbs, and the lightest is about 35. In addition to the equipment, the sinks themselves have to be put onto the conveyor belt, and into the grinder. It's a lot of lifting, no matter how you look at it, and you find yourself asking for help, waiting for someone, or helping someone all through the night.

Most of the time I work right down the line from HoseMan. I call him HoseMan because he uses the high pressure hose (120 psi) to blow debris from the molds and because he is always after the few females at the plant. He's also been known to have a certain woman from the shop "check out his hose" while inside her car, after dark during break.

HoseMan is about 5-10, #230 with a shaved head and a great attitude. He's a great worker and we joke about MarineGuy when he marches around telling everyone what to do. HoseMan is working at the plant to satisfy a probation order that he be employed, a stipulation of his release from prison on a cocaine possession charge. It really surprises me that HoseMan has such a past. He's a conscientious and consistent worker, but by his own admission, only because of the court order.

If I were to catagorize anyone at the plant as a pal, it'd be HoseMan. I get along with the entire crew but just not consistently. HoseMan is the most likely to cover for you while you take care of other business and knows how to to tell a joke and mock people without starting real fights. There are several funny people here but HoseMan is the funniest.

On this particular shift he was working at putting the sinks on the conveyor, which is a tough job. It's a lot of lifting which he normally does by himself but probably should not be.

This is the diolog between us after he yelled at me several times for help.

HoseMan: HEY! Dont you know your own fucking name?
slang: Huh...oohh, sorry. I've not answered to that name for years. Hell, most people dont even know what my real name is.
HoseMan: Well what do you answer to? HEY DUMBASS?!
slang: well actually, I'd prefer a loud "hey" followed by a finger point to what you'd like my help lifting. Thats what I do.
HoseMan: Whatever.

Then about 15 minutes later the same thing happened again.

HoseMan: (walks about 20 feet over to me) Mister "HEY"? Can I please have your help for a minute?
slang: Sure, but you did that wrong. It'd be quicker for both of us if you'd say ...."HEY" , then point to what you want help with, you dont need to walk down here every time you need help.

So this went on for about another hour or so and then HoseMan asked me;

HoseMan: So what do they call you outside of work here? What fancy pants, better than all of us name are you called? Sir (slang's real name)? King (slang's real name)?
slang: No, it's a long story dude. I dont like my birthname so I shitcanned it years ago. Since I call you HoseMan, why not just call me ClampMan?
HoseMan: Your real name is Gaylord Focker, isn't it!?........ Isnt it!!
slang: No. It's ClampMan, can we get beyond this?
HoseMan: OK GAY FUCKER!!! (points to a sink to be lifted) lol Have it your way.

damn, you crack me up dude!:thumb: (hehehe, you said hose!)

Another winner, Slang. Clampman...Hmmm.....The images that conjures up.....;)

Thanks Bruce.

We use a lot of vise grip type clamps to secure forms to molds. They normally get wax and polymer buidup on them and sometimes I clean them up. Someone called me clampman once and it sounded better than GasMan (another name that fits).

I just have one question:


Are you a pothead, Focker??










if i hadn't asked, you know you would have

The Inner Marine

We had a new guy start the other week and he was confused about our beloved MarineGuy. This new guy has a lot of potential of being a good employee, so I did what I could to help him out,

AmishGuy: Hey, is that MarineGuy always like that? I mean....such a pain in the ass?
slang: lol Captain kickass? Yes. Why, what did he do that's buggin' ya?
AmishGuy: He's got a lot of stories, I'll say that. And he's fucking bossy, is he the supervisor here?
slang: Well.......dont tell him, but no. That's ok though, having just completed "boot camp" myself I can give you some pointers. He told me the other day that you're doing really good. That's important to MarineGuy. Dont tell him I told you so though, that kinda goes against the "boot camp" psychology.
AmishGuy: What's that mean?
slang: The working theory is that when you peel away the razor stuble and the smelly clothes, the huge bullshit stories and the loud abnoxious comments, he's an ok guy. But you have to appeal to the "inner marine" in him. He spent about half of his adult life in the Marines. He also goes on and on about seeing combat. But, the important thing is you have to go along with him AND speak his language. At least until you graduate "boot camp", then you can fuck with him just like any other asshead here.
AmishGuy: He challenged me to a fight outside tonight. I think he was serious.
slang: Prolly was.You must have disrespected his authority in some way. You cant do that til you graduate boot camp.
AmishGuy: Ok. When's that?
slang: Well, you're on your way. Taking the initative to do something proactive to avoid downtime helps. So does just taking on more than you can reasonably handle as a newguy. He respects that. Sure, he'll still bark at you sometimes and boss you around, but when the shit hits the fan, you want him backing you up, it's that simple. When he helps you out and at the same time yells at you or calls you a name, you're through boot camp.
AmishGuy: Ok, well I'll look to you for cues.
slang: You just have to understand how he thinks.....and how he talks to other people. He doesnt use the word please and he only understands and respects loud harsh words. Watch and learn Mr Newbie.

slang: (walks down toward MG and pushes by him without saying excuse me or giving a courtesy tap) GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY, YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER!!
MarineGuy: (moves quickly out of the way) SUCK MY ASS, PECKER HEAD!!

After this brief demonstration I came back around to talk to AmishGuy again.

slang: So after the initial rash of bullshit he hurls at you has thickened your skin and he knows you dont pussy out of doing tough things, yer in. Just one last thing, you can spit in his soda and throw powder in his face, you can tell him he's full of shit, and call him a cocksucker, but...... ..........DONT..EVER..SAY..ANYTHING..NEGATIVE..ABOUT..THE..MARINES!!

I'm enjoying these, Slang...do keep them going!

Fucknin-a-Skippy !!!!!!!!!!
Bad mouthing the corps will get your ass kicked on general princaple .

Superb, Slang. You're gathering enough characters for the Great American novel. :)

The Fan

Anyone who has spent any time in an industrial environment is familiar with the standard industrial appliances.One of the most common would be a big fan. In factories, they're used for cooling products and people as well as redirecting air to deflect dust and debris. There is one other use for these fans that only factory workers can truly appreciate, for horseplay or basic revenge.

Towards the middle of the production line, which is about 70 feet long, stands a very powerful large industrial fan. The official purpose of the fan is to cool the sinks as they solidify. Immediately after they are removed from the molds, the sinks are soft but need to harden quickly for the next stage of the process. In about 15 feet, the temp should fall sharply to give the sink "blank" rigidity. To do this requires a enormous flow of air, which is generally regarded as a great thing for those who work in that section of the line. Sometimes it really isnt a good thing for the line workers though, but only sometimes.

Imagine the Walmart fan you might have in your home. The kind that stands on it's own and ocitllates. Now imagine the fan gaurd and blades being 36 inches in diameter instead of maybe 12 or 18. Then imagine, instead of some pussy ass 110 volt 1/8 HP motor, it has a 10 HP motor. The blades in your fan are plastic, the blades in this dude are metal......and have a very aggressive pitch. So much so that when it's running and the other equipment isnt, it sounds like a low flying plane. The gaurd for the blades is also heavy duty stainless steel and extremely strong. I cant say how much thrust it makes but the base that holds the fan unit complete, down to the ground and stable, is a piece of 2" plate steel about 3 foot in diameter. It's a pain in the ass to move. Pretty heavy duty compared to the residential fan, for sure.

This Hurculean fan in itself isnt anything funny, but combined with the particulate matter that constantly settles on it, sets the stage for a very common sink factory gag.

Anyone that has been here for more than a week has seen the potential humor of this awesome fan. When you start shift, before the machines even crank up, the smart line worker turns the fan off then taps the guard. This knocks all the powder that has collected on it, onto the floor without it shooting into your face, as it would if it were running. Over the course of just a few hours though, the dust deposites back into the guard.

The victim of the gag can be anyone. Someone just passing down the line or someone like HoseMan actually working in the immediate area the fan ocilates into. The perpetrator can be anyone that can hit the fan with some type of projectile from any line of sight.

The execution is very simple but hilarious. Hit the fan guard with something hard enough to knock the powder into the fan's airstream but not hard enough to damage the fan guard or blades. The powder falls off the guard and the air shoots it directly into the face or drink of the victim. The duration of the blast is about a second and if you arent paying attention, it's easy to get nailed. The fan sits about 8 feet from the victim and the "snowstorm" is generally thick enough that you cant see through it for the second or so that it's happening.

The aftermath of the snowstorm is generally a light dusting on the skin, contamination of your uncovered drink, and in some rare cases, getting it in your eyes around your safely glasses. Nothing serious because you know what to look for after an attack. Clean your glasses, get a new drink and move on. No biggie.

After this happens a few times you get wise though, and the cackling wiseasses need a new victim. It seems they put some thought into the whole thing though, as I found out the other night. Whenever I work in the danger zone, I keep my eyes open for BigShouldersGuy and HoseMan trying to nail the fan and get me in the process. Anyone can tell they're up to no good by the expressions they hold just before they "fire" at the fan. When I see the suspicious pattern emerging, I take cover. Getting nailed is funny the first 1000 times but gets old after that.

This one night though, there wasnt anyone next to me on the line, so I let my guard down.

UnknownSniper: ( fires a shot into the fan ) TINK! WHOOOOSH!
slang: ( looks around and only sees people laughing at some distance ) dammit, you got me.

This happened 2 more times that night and each time was a total surprise. Then it happened again and then I decided I'd been blasted enough.

UnknownSniper: ( fires a shot into the fan ) TINK! WHOOOOSH!
slang: ( looks around and only sees people laughing at some distance ) GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!!........ HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING ME FROM THAT FAR!!? ( covered with dust for the 4th time in one night )

At this point I see BigShouldersGuy stand up from a kneeling position with something in his hands at a distance of at least 30 feet. He is smiling but not outright laughing like most of the other distant workers.

slang: ( walks over to the smiling BSG ) ( using a bitchy tone) How the fuck are you?
BSG: Ok.
slang: What ya got there smiley?
BSG: A tube.
slang: Yeah? What is it?
BSG: Just something I made on lunch yesterday.
slang: Really!?
BSG: Yep. I really like it

This new toy that he made was a piece of steel tubing 4 feet long with an attachment for a standard high pressure air nozzle and some contraption looking suspiciously like a crude rifle sight.

slang: Thats nice! Looks familiar though. Looks like um.....now I know this sounds silly....a rifle to hit the fan and dust me from long distances.
BSG: TatooHead always said that yer a smart dude.( big wiseass smile )
slang: Do I need to employ counter sniper tactics here at work now, or, worse for you, get captain kickass in on this?
BSG: Hey, lighten up man. It was funny, I'll get someone else now.
slang: You sure do seem to have a lot of spare time.....to make a sniper rifle and all.
BSG: What, you think you're the only guy in the world that can design shit? Actually the hardest part was finding the ammo. Those little rubber stoppers ended up working best, you gotta lube them with the slurry wax first though.
slang: ( hairy eyeball )

:applause:

Wow! Two shitjob stories in one night, and both awesomely fun and entertaining. :D

(Our idea of entertaining at work is seeing how many times we can bounce free crap from drug reps off the ceiling fan blades, or the "which body fluid would be worse to get on you" conversation. I do less heavy lifting though.)

Dude these storys are pure gold !!! :D :D
Keep them comeing ..

Reminds me of a steel mill i go to every now and then . In all steel mills they brew their batches so there is slag on top( some thing to do with drawing out impuritys ) , any way when they are going to pour off the liquid steel they have to pour off the slag first . Some mills pour the slag in to big slag pots , some pour it in a water cooled trough . This mill uses the trough method . When they hire a new maint man the old guys ALLWAYS find some reason for him to be close to the trough , and when his back is turned they throw arasol cans in the trough ( ever seen a can of WD-40 blow up ??) blowing moltentent slag ALL over the place . They tried this shit on me once but i had seen it done Tooo many times to other folks .:cool:

Somehow I sense that was part 1 of the story and the future is unwritten.:haha: