hahahaha!

i like to test my customers' sense of humor whenever they mention having sympathy for our hours ( usually this happens after closing time, and it is obvious that we are all there because the customer took so goddamn long to say "yes" :))

"You have such rotten hours. sorry we're keeping you here late."

"Oh, no big deal. I only worked half a day today.[dramatic pause] 9 to 9."

"Oh, OK"

this tells me if they're paying attention or not. also can indicate intelligence. If i have to explain that it's a joke and why it's funny..."you see, uh...12 hours"

Wolf(sorry, I tried to stop, but it's just not in me). Check out back issues of TheOnion.com - there's an archive of old Jackie Harvey columns. Hilarity will ensue. Or not, whatever you want.

Like I said before, I always feel like no one gets my humor, but maybe I just never say anything funny.

I got it, does that mean I'm a sicko too? :vikingsmi

I accept the fact that some people will just not get my humor...and that some will even get pissed off by it. That's why I'm proud to be an EEO.

WOLF (there, I win!:D ), I love these situations!

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Solicitor: Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Save the Childeren.
Me: I'm sorry, but I don't have any childeren.
Solicitor: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Have a nice day.
Me: ............................

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Check-out Girl: Will this be check or charge?
Me: Do you take cash?
Check-out Girl: (tilting her head like a dog hearing a new sound) Um, uh, oh, hold on, I'll check with the manager.
True story. Grand Union, Teaneck, NJ. Guess that explains why it's no longer there.

Gotta love polluted gene pools.

Me: Yeah, I need to precertify for inpatient treatment (Translation: Hello, nice insurance company rep. I need to tell you a slightly exaggerated story about why this patient is here at the nuthouse so that I can eat this month)

Care Manager (aka Bastard whose job it is to make sure I don't eat this month): Okay. Looks like he's covered. Have you heard our disclaimer? Precertification of services is not a guarantee of payment (mumbles for another couple of minutes with me also reciting along, since I know the eligibility disclaimer better than they do.) Oh! I guess you have heard the eligibility disclaimer a few times!

Me: Yeah.

Care Manager: All right, let's get started. How did the patient come to you?

Me: By Ambulance.

Care Manager: What?

Me: It's a large vehicle, built on a Ford Truck frame. It's painted white with blue and yellow stripes and has a lot of flashy lights on it and a really loud siren.

Care Manager: No, how did he get to you?

Me: I just told you.

Care Manager: What did he do to get to you?

Me: He held his mother hostage in their residence demanding that she discontinue the study. He threatened to hit police over the head with a large cut glass fruit bowl and made an attempt to do so. He hit the officer in the shoulder instead of the head. He is here because the police failed to shoot him.

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The beauty of the "by ambulance" or "in a police car" is that it works EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME. The response is typically followed by a stunned silence.

What the hell? Are you on a per-wacko commission now?

My grandfather has a very dry, dead pan sense of humor. On one occasion we were at a Restaurant and the waitress came and asked us what we wanted to drink. When she got to my Grandpa he in all seriousness said "diet water". The waitress wrote it down and walked off. She came back a few min. later to say she was sorry but they only have regular water and not diet. Poor girl, we all had a good laugh at her expense.

No, but that's a great idea.

My department is the initial point of money generation for the facility. If we can't get past the insurance companies gatekeepers, it's very unlikely that anyone else will. You can appeal a denial of coverage (which are very rare, incidentally, we are *that* good) but I think they are only successful about half the time.

It wouldn't have been as funny to say "so all of the employees here can eat for the month".

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

How weird is that? I think Wolf might be stuck in an Airplane movie.

you don't have razorblades glued to your thumbnails, do you?

ps. please tell me you were kidding about being Jackie Harvey. I used to bang her.

Really, you banged someone named Jackie Harvey? Did she look a little like Hitler? :eek:

And in the spirit of the thread, I don't get the razor blade/thumbnail thing. Or is that a personal thing?

oh...right. for some reason i thought you were a former lurker.

the last person we had that claimed to be famous was a little ....uh...touched, shall we say.

here it is

Nah, I ain't famous. I'm just full of shit.

For some reason I waited until now to tell you that Jackie Harvey's a guy...have no idea why. Till you asked me if I were him I was just assumin' everyone likes The Onion and reads it faithfully. I did the same thing last Christmas, when I bought my brother-in-law one of those square day-at-a-time calenders a la The Onion, thinking he was a fan. When he opened it we began looking through the headlines. I saw a Jean Teasdale column, referred to my sister as a Jeanketeer, and BIL asked me what the hell I was babbling about.