Mr.Lifto works at my favorite bar.

Yes, I basically joined just to say that.

Apparently, it works both ways. My brother is obsessive-compulsive about cleaning. It appears to be aperonality trait, not a gender issue. Sure enough his wife gets really pissed off about his need for order. You know if there are any single gals out there; who need a husband that is obsessive about anything. Go to the nearest psychiatric hospital and you can find the man of your dreams.

We all have our reasons. Welcome aboard.

Well thank you. I guess I should post on some other threads now.

no kidding!!!
My man is twenty plus years older than me and you cannot teach a old dog new tricks.
But, I am a person of compassion.... and dont whack him too often with a newspaper.

Withholding punishment? Was he that bad?

I had a freakout at work the other night.

I am on a shift with mostly males, unless we have part-timers in (this includes the doc, and the ambulance crew).

I can deal with the seat up thing. That still doesn't bother me. I habitually check before I sit ... but I went into the bathroom to find an empty toilet paper roll on the holder, and an unbearable stench.

Light a goddamn match at least, or make a courtesy spray of the OSHA-approved air freshener we have four cans of in the bathroom. Light a match, leave the fan running, do something!!

I felt much better after the yelling.

And some chocolate.

I got my husband to hang my towel up :) I'm proud of myself for being so creative. I told him that I would hide his keys and cigarettes under it if I found it laying on the couch, and I would let him search the whole damn apartment for them. I didn't even have to really do it, somehow, just the threat seemed to work. He thought my threat was cute, so it was a win-win situation.
I usually hold big, long grudges, but I've decided not to let Undertoad's comments get to me, because they aren't true. He only thinks I'm a control freak because his ex-wife was. It's kind of like if your last boyfriend did drugs, you would probably start accusing more guys of doing drugs- even if they were just tired, hungover, or stressed out, you would probably be envisioning them in the bathroom snorting coke or whatever, this isn't the best example, but you know what I mean...What we experience in life stays with us and is part of our unique filter that we see the world through. So, because UT's ex was a control freak, he sees me trying to get my husband to do something minor and normal like hanging up a towel, and automatically assumes I'm a control freak. Silly, really. Especially since I let my husband pick out the color of my coat- I wanted red, he wanted tan- I got tan, He told me I shouldn't drink because I had a cold, so I didn't, I let him pick out danios for the fishtank even though they look stupid in there with the african cichlids and they'll probably eventually get killed, I worked last night and told him to go ahead and get drunk with his friends as long as he would come pick me up after work, etc. I could go on and on, but what's the point?
One thing I really need to learn is how to not let people's comments get to me, especially when they aren't true, and to stop being so defensive, because as long as I know who I really am, it shouldn't matter what other people think. I'm working on it...

Come pick you up after he was drunk? Or after he was drunk and sobered up again?

life is a darwinian process folks. here honey, i'm going to go to work. you get loaded with your friends then come pick me up. i recommend that you drive very fast. in reverse. on the interstate. flip off the cops if you get a chance. i'll be waiting for you.

well, if that's not a sign that I am not a control freak, I don't know what is! ;)
Come on, he's russian- he drives better when he's drunk.


(okay, he didn't get shit-faced, he just had a few drinks, okay?)

only on russian streets. american streets are much trickier. and more importantly, we care a little more about the people getting creamed by drunk drivers.

This I don't understand. I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but if it's your towel, shouldn't you be the one hanging it up? Unless you mean the towel belongs to you but he's using it. But then I think "well, they're married. Do people really continue to keep something as trivial as linens separated into 'His' and 'Hers'? And if so, do they actually say 'His' and 'Hers'. And if they do, why is he using one that says 'Hers'? Did I wash any towels this week? Because I am NOT using a Spongebob beach towel!"

perth, I do hang my own towel up. He throws it on the couch before he gets in the shower because I hang it on the shower rod and it's in his way. My grandmother gave me leopard print towels for my birthday, so I use those- that's how I know it's mine. I wouldn't really care if he used my towel, we are just in the habit of using our own towels that we had before we knew each other.

I want to play, too. Correct me if necessary:

When you get done showering, you flop your nasty wet towel over the shower curtain rod, knowing that it will be in the way of the next person to use it (presumably arsen). When the next person moves the towel that you put in their way, it becomes their responsibility to put it where it belongs (I'm assuming this place might be the laundry hamper or a towel rack. If they don't do it, you threaten them with the kidnapping of their own belongings.

I'm going to look up "control" one last time, just in case I missed something.



Please remember also that I totally took up for you when you were having that little episode last year w/your husband..i'm not being a jerk.

I CAN'T use the towel rack because Arsen has taken over it. There's no room on it because he uses two towels, so I have no choice but to hang mine on the shower rod. I reuse my towel, so it doesn't belong in the dirty laundry. And it's not dirty, I only use it to dry my clean hair, I use a bathrobe for my body. Now, if you move something, you should put it back, right?

I'm throwing in the towel on this topic ;)

well, staceyv- i'm just not convinced we are getting the whole story. the only solution i see is for you to record your morning routine, (climb in the shower, get out, dry off, hang towel, etc...) so that we can truly understand the issues we are dealing with.... no really, this is all in the name of conflict resolution.

you're kidding, right?

No...no, I'm sure he's serious. Why? Are you considering doing this to prove your case?

Well, I didn't actually mean to cause trouble, I just wasn't understanding when Stacey referred to "her" towel in this context. I do have a suggestion, bearing in mind that I have no idea how the bathroom is laid out. Head over to Wal-Mart or Home Depot or whatever, and get a couple of nice towel rods. He gets to do the awesome guy thing by installing them, and the towel problem is solved because there's a couple racks available now. :)

perth, that is an excellent idea. Really, really, really good. But I've finally gotten him to hang the damn thing up, and now, when he does, I feel like "aww, he thought of me this morning, he really cares about me" although, what he's probably thinking is "i don't want to hear her bitch, i'm gonna hang this up".
Yeah, the extra towel rod is a great idea.

arsen uses 2 towels? he weighs what, a buck fifty soaking wet. What's he drying, anyway?

perhaps if you were to actually FILM the showering process, we could get a clearer picture. i'm just saying.


*sigh* guess i'll go back over to the atheism thread and argue.

he calls one of them his "ass towel". Does that help?

Yeah. Don't film that.

is he aware that he can just wash that in the shower and then it would also be clean before he dries it? or don't they teach that in russia?

I tried to tell him that- I even wiped my mouth with it after I brushed my teeth, to demonstrate, but I guess he just feels better using a separate towel on his ass.

did he go ":eek: !!" ?

Hey--he can have mine, and if he needs more, he can check here.

:hafucking :bawling: :hafucking :bawling: :devil: .

i can't breathe...stop... lol

Just to throw in $.02 worth, I'm all for the pictoral reenactment of the shower scene, (minus the ass toweling of course). I believe it will help us all better understand the problem here. ;)

This is the best I could do :)

I just hope the towel isn't white.

Take it from a long married person. This is one of the major keys to a happy marriage. Think of another way. The idea is not to force the other person to do it your way. The idea is to make both of you happy in your relationship.

I was thinking about your desire to have Arsen teach you Russian. If you're thinking of Russian 'lessons', well if I were Arsen, that wouldn't sound like a lot of fun to me either.

Think of another way.

Incorporate it into your everyday routine.

Buy a Russian<>English dictionary and label the furniture and stuff in your house. Get a book on Russian to learn a few simple verbs. Learn to say things like "Your keys are on the dresser", and "Please stop flipping the channels" in Russian.

Make a Russian list of the foods in the pantry and fridge. Then learn a few more verbs and start using it on Arsen. Once you can say "Please pass the potatoes" in Russian, you can start trying to make dinner a Russian-only time.

Have him say the name of a body part and then kiss it. - Gotta be more fun than 'lessons'.

Play "I Spy" in the car - in Russian.

I'm sure you can think of lots more.

...not to let it get to you.....how long ago did he say that?

The BBC has a nice language section. I found a one-pager on Russian phrases here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/other.../russian.shtml.

I couldn't find the phrase "hang your fucking towell up before I hang you with it." but I'm sure you can peice it together :)

And a quick thought: letting people know that their no-offense-intended observations bother you is a very effective way to keep everyone at a safe distance.

I am actually teaching myself russian. I don't learn very well from personal "lessons". I learn better on my own. I've been studying it for about a year now, and I can read stories in Russian and write sentences. I'm using a college textbook and I do all the grammar excercises in a little notebook. I also have a dictionary and a bunch of other tutorial books and cds. All I really want Arsen to do is just read about 5 pages and correct my mistakes so I can see where I messed up. It really only takes about 5 minutes. It's like you or I reading a short magazine article- it's a breeze for him. I spend at least 10 hours a week cooking and doing other household errands, so I think it's fair to ask him for 5 minutes a day! But I never asked him to teach me russian, I can do that myself.

LJ, yes, it has been a few months, but like I said- I hold really really long grudges. That one was simply long. I'm getting better! :)

The people that give those types of biased observations are people who I would rather keep at a safe distance.

Ah. Different issue then. Seems like a small request. When you say, "Honey would you check this for me?", what does he say?

she doesn't know - he responds in russian.

yahb tvoyu mat.

although stacey probably knows that one already.

something about your mother? I didn't get the "yahb".
When I ask him to look something over, he'll usually say :"later, right now I'm busy"
(busy reading movie reviews online!) or he'll be tired and say he'll do it tomorrow, or he'll say he's drunk, etc...He does do it about 80% of the time if I stand there and ask him to please look at it, BUT, if I leave it for him to do while I'm at work, no way. I have to be right there or he won't get around to it.

It means "fuck your mother." At least that's how I learned it anyway.

It's often used as an expression of wonderment and disbelief.

When my wife and I were dating and for a while after we got married, I tried to learn her native language. But she wasn't really much help - not because she didn't want me to learn but more, I think, because its really boring to teach your spouse a language that you are fluent in.

With what I know now, I would try to learn it on your own. And use it more with his friends than with him. That'll get him more interested in talking to you in Russian.

Wow! Sounds just like my kid! (except he usually doesn't plead drunkenness right to my face--yet) Really! It's the same with him! Who needs a husband!

Better yet, learn a third language that he doesn't know, and use THAT around the house.

It won't help you learn Russian, but at least he will share in your frustration.

In order to make any progress, you'll have to figure out why he doesn't want to do this. It's boring? He doesn't want you to be able to read Russian? He's being obstinate because you and he are still playing the "Who's the boss?" game and "by golly, you can't make him".

Here's the other side. Why do you want to learn to read/write Russian? Is it worth making a fuss over? Would spoken Russian do as well? If it really only takes five minutes, why don't you sit with him and have him tell you what he thinks?