There's no way a thread like this can be hijacked, unless it somehow ends up being about automotive finishes.

My ex was perfectly fine with me raising our kid (who was 11 and in physical rehab from his brain injury when she left me). She knew he was going to be a lot of work, and she was pretty focused on herself, her boyfriend and getting as far away from our life together as possible. I mean, she came around a couple of times a week and demanded that I do thus and such for him, yadda yadda, but I'd just smile and nod, then go ahead and do what I knew was the right thing to do anyway. Every time it came down to push or be shoved, she'd back off, because she really couldn't be bothered in the end to *do* anything. Once I finally figured out that she wasn't actually going to go through the efforts to force me to do anything any other way than the way which I thought was right, life got a lot easier.

I'm sure I had a luxury that most people don't in such cases, though, and I don't envy anyone who has to do that battle.

How come my Saturn didn't come with a little bottle of touch-up paint for small scratches? It might not end up with the same finish as the rest, but I don't mind that. My Chevy came with some.

Well, EXCUSE me, Slang. Getting back on one's feet after a disabling illness is not a picnic, and I'm still pretty poor. If you don't like to read my comment made in passing that I can't afford lawyer's fees, I suggest you put me on ignore and go check "Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm" out of the library.

Yes, the story of my life reads like a Dickens novel. I was born in a poor house, traveled to industrial Colorado Springs where I was taken in by some born-again members of Focus on the Family where I lived in a garret that was freezing in the winter, boiling hot in the summer. Lucky for me, I didn't have to spend much time in the garret since the born-agains found me an 18 hour a day job at 5 cents/hr in the tatting factory where I made intricate embroidered doilies with such teensy little stiches that I lost most of my eyesight by age 22.

The young scion of the family, an insufferable, self righteous bigot, forced his unwanted advances upon me, and as a result, I grew heavy with child and the born-agains threw me out on the streets, calling me a "fallen woman." I gave birth to a child that was still born at the Red Cross Shelter, and after that I passed my time living on the streets and panhandeling coins for gin to numb the pain of my dreary existance.

I fell in with a bad crowd of pick pockets and thieves and was thrown into the criminal justice center's prison ward for ladies of ill repute where I slept on a hard concrete floor and my best friend was a chemist who taught me all she knew about making meth. I was dumped back out on the streets and put my new found knowledge to good use, becoming one of THE top suppliers for the local hell's angels gangs.

Happy, now?

How's THAT for a thread derail? ;)

Since I've totally hijacked this thread, why not go all the way.

Imagine for just one second that I actually care in that forum sort of way because in that way, I do.

We're polar opposites on most issues and that's fine. I'm not harassing you but asking a serious question that I would think other people might ask themselves about you as well.

I've not ever met someone with as much bad luck as you and I'm sincerely sorry for your string of bad luck....

You told me about the bad....but what I'm asking is if you have ever made out on the winning side of anything?

Have you ever been happy, even if for just one moment?

Get defensive if you like, I'm just asking. Sure I could ignore you, that's easy. I'm just trying to understand you and some of the things that you describe.

There was a time a year or more ago that you were applying for a job. Whether that ever came through or not I dont know...but in a way I was hoping that you did get that job. If nothing more so that something would actually start going your way.

For God's sake I hope they do. You sound like you're in need of some good luck.

There are people out there that are rooting for you, I'm sure.

They're just afraid to out loud because you might accidently kill them not knowing their well wishes :lol:

Frankly, after what happened to me last time I tried to talk about what's really going on in my life in this forum, I feel that I'd be a fool to put myself on the line to be cut to bits again by a bunch of strangers whom I don't even know and who don't know me.

Your question seems ingenuous to me. Of course, I've had many happy times in my life and great experiences that I remember fondly.

My health is much improved, but I seem to have reached a plateau that the neurologists say I may not be able to overcome. My spatial memory is just wrecked which means, among other things, that I can't remember new faces or places. This limits my activities severely. I've gotten some small writing gigs and computer work that I can do at home which helps out financially.

I have put in for a job as a campground host out on Colorado's Western slope. It would be a great gig if I could get it, and its something I could do because the Forest Service would give me lots of back up. I may also qualify for housing out there which would be an enormous help to me because then I could just concentrate on my writing and rehab efforts. I'm on what's called the "Ticket to Work" program which allows me to be employed and see how well I do at it.

I'm still far from rich, however, and the spatial thing does make my life very complex, to say the least.

NOW, are you happy?

Yes, thank you.

I've never been in that situation and I'm sure that it's not fun. Getting even close to that place was not fun at all for me.

Open yourself to the possibility that people wish you well and hope for your success, even in a small way.

I'm very glad that you are improving and hope that someday you get to the point that you see yourself in the past and dont recognize that person for all the anger and frustration that person WAS.

That surely rings true for me.

Now for the joke. Are you with me? This is a JOKE.

So Mari....why not apply for one of the CPS positions there? Seems like you'd fit right in. :)

Heh! I don't think I hate men enough to qualify. Other than the ax murderer, I've mostly had pretty decent guys in my life, starting with my Dad whom I loved dearly and still miss to this very day, ten years after his passing. I was married to a terrific guy for 20 years, 18 years of which were quite happy. Then I pulled A Mrs. Lookout stunt for various reasons, a couple of which were valid and the rest stupid. I suspect Mrs.L. may one day come to regret her decision, just as I did. Now, that we have this thread back on track, I hope we hear from Lookout again soon. ;)

update. life is still kicking me in the teeth.

that is all.


ok. we've tried a couple of times to sit down and discuss custody and propert/money, etc. it is going nowhere and getting a little on the nasty side. she is truly delusional. it took me a couple of conversations before the lightbulb went off for me. she truly believes that i have contributed next to nothing in terms of assets in our time together (woohoo 7 year anniversary tomorrow!:rar: ). She is "generously giving" me $xx,xxx as an offer for splitting up assets. years ago i would have creamed myself at the thought of having a check with more than 3 zero's on it made out to me. today i look at that and realize that what she is offering me out of the kindness of her heart is only 10% of our networth.

her starting point for division is that "it will take lookout X to get set up with his new life. I am giving him more than X so he should be grateful.

my starting point is: when we got together we had nothing. we built everything together. a team/a partnership. if you are breaking up the team then morally we should add up what we have and essentially divide it in half (not to mention that we are in a community property state)

i can't get her to understand that concept at all.

question: if i have been so effing worthless all these years why does your lawyer demand HUGE child support and other ridiculous demands to keep you afloat?

ah, so yeah. that is why i'm not posting much. i'm kind of a bitter bobby this week.

Hang in there, lookout. We knew this wouldn't be easy but we remain steadfast and unwavering in our support.

Ungrateful dingbat. Not that I know her well enough to say that - you just need to start feeling comfortable hearing it.

yeah. the custody will be battled out. the money will be worked out. that is simple math for the courts.

probably harder is the fact that i am watching someone that i love disappear. the person that i have been with all this time is slipping away more each day. her interactions with everyone around her are becoming... i can't even explain it.

mrs lookout always had class. even if she was being stupid and goofy and _____ it didn't matter. a certain obvious class was apparent. she is literally (d)evolving into the most ridiculously stereotypical trashy bar ho. sad. it is actually worse than having someone i love die.

I can only agree out of sympathy and and can't even begin to appreciate how gut-wrenching this must be for you. Like UT said - focus on what's immediately in front of you and don't try to process the whole thing at once.

If you stay focused on winning each battle, you will win the war but if you focus on winning the war...

That's what happened to me with M., my S.O. for 6 years. He went from being the only one I trusted to being the "ax murderer" in what seemed like overnight. I couldn't believe the things he started to say to me, or his attitude about the money - MY money. He figured he could just help himself and skate off, shouting back over his shoulder stuff like "Go ahead and kill yourself - it wouldn't bother me a bit. I've been through THAT before!" and "Have fun camping."

It was so surreal watching him morph practically overnight into this callous, greedy stranger. I understand your pain, Lookout. I used to play this Brooks and Dunn song alot:

That ain't no way to go
Girl, it just ain't right!
Was it all a lie?
After all this time
That ain't no way to go...

i'll pass on the B and D. but i sure am liking Mr Cash's CRY CRY CRY.

How about "Don't stop thinkin' about tomorrow"......
....or Bob Seger's "Looking Back".:)