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Lookout--I read your last post and my heart just broke for you. My friend, you have my thoughts and best wishes. I know how you feel; I loved my husband and he divorced me at the worst possible time, I felt so broken and useless and he kept telling me that I was broken and useless and I internalized that and started to ACT that way. Don't you do that-you're strong! You are one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure to talk with here. It is HER problem, lookout, not yours. SHE is acting nutty and probably using. Using people are never themselves, are never rational and can be UberCruel as the substance abuse takes away their humanity. I send you a huge cyberhug and kiss and know I am sending you good vibes.
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Dude you and I are in such similar situations its scaring me - the only big differences are that I never had any money, left the house and she tried to frame ME for using. I too felt as low as a person could. I was thinking - "What the F*ck is wrong with me that this is happening?" Eventually, I realized it was her and not me. I am slowly, SLOWLY getting my self respect and self worth back and you will too. All my lifelong friends are where I thought I was and cannot comprehend this trainwreck of my existence. I totally understand how you feel - If you EVER EVER need to talk to someone, PM me and I'll give you my cell number. Call me Anytime, Anyplace, Anything you need - Just know that someone is there for you - if no one you know, then I will be because I do understand and can completely relate to your feelings.
Oh and yes the cellar is as real as anything in life and in some cases - moreso! |
We're here for you, Lookout. Come back and rant any time. Hang in there. You will get through this.
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Do not let her ruin herself and you. Mrs lookout is the one doing this to you. Mrs lookout is the one doing this to your son. Mrs lookout is the one with screws loose. Not you. You're feeling what any caring person would after getting stabbed like this and rightfully so. Mrs lookout is a beast unto her own at this point and you shouldn't project her malevolence unto yourself or anybody else.
Even hurricanes don't last forever... you'll make it through. |
Lookout long time no post - Whats goin on? You hangin in there?? Give us an update. Personally, I'm starting to get worried about you.:worried:
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eh, don't worry. i'm too dumb to give up on anything. there have been a few rough patches and there will be more but as long as i'm on the right side of the grass everyday life will be ok.
i made and offer and it was accepted for a new home today. it isn't my dream home but it'll do for a year or two. tonight i am going to sit her down and offer to give up $xx,xxx that is rightfully mine if we can just bring this to a close. money isn't worth the headaches. and my new mortgage will be a lot cleaner if the negotiations are a done deal. |
Well, you're the only one that can decide how much expedience is worth. I will caution you to think it through carefully as the results may vary from what you expect.
But you know all that.:blush: |
well, the thing is that i know if i push for that money it will be awarded to me. BUT in order for her to pay me the money she would have to qualify for a bigger refi on our house and I don't know if she can - i'm pretty doubtful honestly. I think they got pretty creative to get her as much as they did. If they award me the money and then she can't come up with it we will both be screwed because the court will order the sale of the home and then it may be 4-6 months before i get ANY money, thus making life difficult for me in setting up a new home.
i am willing to graciously allow her to keep the money, IF she is willing to take care of labor costs for some projects i want at my new place (she can barter in her business). not quite a win/win... but nothing in this whole situation is when you get down to brass tacs. |
Jeez, you're letting her keep the house AND the money? :eyebrow: Well, I DO understand about just wanting to be done with the whole mess, but, face it, until lil Lookout is 18, you won't be. How's the custody thing going to work? Take care of YOU, Lookout!
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Good to hear from you. Our paths cross again. I hope things work out the best for you and lil-lookout. The decisions you make now affect you and him for much longer than the expediency may be worth, but that is your call and I understand your perspective. It is terribly difficult to be away from my own kids as much as I have been forced to be.
On a personal note - I was accused of being a "coke-addict" at my custody hearing on Wed. and the Master ordered that we both suppy hair samples for drug testing. When he gave us 6 weeks to get it done, I jumped up and said "WHY! ! ! Lets do this today - I am being withheld from seeing my kids I have 2 teenage boys who need to be taught how to be men." After my outburst, he cleared the courtroom for 20 minutes and when we reconvened he sternly lectured her,agreed with me and granted me weekend custody with all 3 kids till this is settled! Also, we'll get back into court in 2 weeks instead of 8 to finalize custody. Now she's really screwed, cuz I'll pass with flying colors, since I don't use drugs, and she will lose all credibility with the court. |
Mari - her keeping the house wasn't even up for argument, i don't have any real desire to carry that much debt entirely on my own. whoever keeps the house has to dip deeply into the substantial amount of equity to buy the other person out. i can technically afford it, i just don't want to live like that. not even for my dream house.
i am in the purchase process on a much smaller and much less expensive home that will be adequate for the time being. as far as giving her "the money"? i'm not giving it all to her. i just have to be realistic - if i push for that last little bit, even though i'm entitled to it, there are negative consequences for me and little lookout. on the upside the fact that I am the one who proposed accepting a smaller payout -helping her in a huge way - doesn't go unnoticed, and can come in handy when negotiating for other areas like custody, child support, etc. |
Sounds like you know what you're doing. Continue to keep us posted, and give lil' Lookout a big hug from me. ;)
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lookout123,
Money was completely unimportant to my dad, he had more than enough when he passed away, at other times in his life, he didn't any. He valued intangible things like connections with family, personal values, morals, beautiful music, funny stories, tilting at windmills, his children. Littlelookout will no doubt benefit from your willingness to spend a couple of bucks to get on with the important things in life. Money is energy, energy is infinte, days with our loved ones, finite, more precious. He's a lucky lad. |
Well Said FOOT !!!!
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