@ Sundae. That sucks, hon. *hugs* But probably explains why you were feeling so tearful the other night.

@ Tiki. That's an awful lot of power for somebody to have over your day. Don;t mean that in terms of some kind of conscious power play, just that with or without realising it, he's left you waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Just a thought; but you now have an excellent tool in your laments. You know that 'something' is about to drop on you. Keep in mind that when it eventually does, you'll probably want to catch the essence of how that makes you feel. If you have that waiting as an intention, it will be a parrallel thought when you are actually faced with whatever it is. That may make you feel a) less raw and b) more in control: you would after all be not just reacting and feeling it, but also internally analysing and trying to articulate at the same time.

Even now, with it hanging there. That in itself is worth exploring. You've created yourself a tool to deal with how he made you feel, and the loss its left you with. That same tool can be made to help deal with things as they happen. With how he makes you feel now.

You've probably already thought of this. I doubt I'm saying anything new. But I can see your laments being a powerful mental and emotional tool for present woes, as well as producing wonderful poetry and reassessing past emotions.

Thanks, Dana. Yes, I agree... as each emotion comes up and seems overwhelming I'll channel it into a lament. I was trying to start from the beginning, but they've dropped out of chronological order as I find myself focusing on, and using, whatever memory/current emotion is strongest. No doubt whatever it is he's sending will trigger something.

I'm in this place where I want to be done with them, but not because I actually am done with them, if you know what I mean... it's mostly that I am yearning for the place I'll be when I am truly done with them.

*nods* I know exactly what you mean, I think. I remember feeling like that. Expressing it through writing really helped that. It was like, I dunno, the me that was writing was almost like a preview of the me that I'd be when I was clear of it...that make any kind of sense at all?

Yes, it does... and also the writing is giving a purpose to my strong emotions, so I don't feel so helpless.

Far from helpless if you are effectively choosing how those emotions are going to fit into your life. You've already planned out what you want from them, from the exploration of them in poetry, from the eventual destination. I'm immensely impressed with the way you've created a structural framework into which you can place what you feel and both understand it better and mould it to your own use, creatively. The 99 laments is a genius idea, structurally.

I read this and its stuck in my mind. I hadn't thought of it this way.

Thank you!

The end . . .
Is just a little harder when brought about by friends

One of my friends keeps talking to me in riddles. I'm never really sure wtf he means. He always asks for your input but never gives you enough insight to know wtf is really going on. It's as if he is asking a question he really doesn't want a reply to. I reckon he'll talk about it when he gets ready and quit the guessing game. Friends. I love 'em.

just pour him another glass of scotch and smile quietly.

great idea, classic.

well that or drink yours and his, THEN smile quietly.

Henry Q is a friend of yours?

Well we just put the second of our three Rhodesian Ridgebacks to sleep just about an hour ago. I put his brother to sleep in Jan and now it was his turn. I asked the vet to cut him open and see if he could put his finger on why he has been deteriorating so quickly over the last few weeks. It turns out he had liver cancer so it was time. A difficult but responsible decision for any dog owner. RIP Simba. Our vet, who is also a close friend, is going to bury him next to his brother Gurkha, out on his property.

Oh Merc! I am so sorry. To lose two friends so close together is hard indeed. My thoughts are with you.