| kerosene |
04-28-2009 06:53 PM |
Thanks, you guys, for your supportive suggestions. It has been 5 years, now and yes, it is a painful and near constant thorn in my paw for as long as I have known mac_tire.
Ali: Unfortunately, I am unable to talk to MIL about how it hurts me, because I am afraid she will not take me seriously, and instead cut me down to the ex-wife and in other gossip circles (primarily the religious faith group she is a part of.) Or she might take my complaints as efforts to control mac_tire and evidence that I am the reason for all negative changes in his (her) life. Either way, it will only make her worse. She once told me "he seems happy, but really he isn't...you are just a phase in his life that I know he will grow out of." I swear she must think he is still 6. Yes, she does favor the ex, because to her, she represented "things as they should be." They are both part of the same religious organization, which I don't participate in, and neither does mac_tire. There is a lot of "us vs. them" mentality with them, so they naturally sort of bond together, even at the expense of their children. Yes, I acknowledge that there needs to be an example for the grandchildren. That's cool. But some of her actions go beyond that and into betrayal. Ex, herself, even asked that MIL take the picture down citing that the image was "hideous." (yes, of course they are "facebook friends")
Clod: Thanks for your expert advice. ;) Yes, in fact, mac_tire are in the midst of those very discussions, though not for the benefit of the MIL relationship. She is either going to decide to get over the past and accept mac_tire's choices or not. I guess I need to deal with the fact that I have absolutely no power over whether or not she does that. And I should not flog myself over not being accepted by MIL. I suppose having a baby with mac_tire would suddenly turn the magnet to her and she would want to be uber-involved, which would not actually be an improvement. I must be careful not to let that affect me.
Dana: Yes, as we discuss the possibility of growing the mac_tire/case clan, that is a concern of mine. But, I have a very supportive husband, who will not allow anyone (even MIL) to control how we do things. You are right. I married mac_tire. Not MIL. And the fact that we live 10 hours from MIL is testament to the fact that husband doesn't leave himself or our relationship open to her meddling.
Anyway, I appreciate the encouragement. Now, it is mostly a me issue...I gotta let this kind of stuff go. Once I learn how to do that I am sure I will be stronger for it, all said and done. But I am sure I will have no hair left on my head! :thepain:
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