that's an awful lot of justification....... :eyebrow:

Yah. But it really was far too hot. The downside of being out in the sun for me is quite nasty. Even wearing visored hat (my leather flat cap) to shield my face and long sleeves to protect my arms. I was a mess when I got back from Leeds on Monday. And it was much hotter yesterday.


I think it may be time to dig out the electric fans.

And your rescheduled appointment is for . . . . when?

(Yeah, I know a slight bit about dental rationalization.)

please oh please for your own comfort sake get those antibiotics and get rid of the infection before they pull it. They would or should do this anyway.

I still had a bit of infection left and I learned the meaning of the line,'cruel to be kind'.

Oh, I had a course of antibiotics from the hospital. This was if it flared back up before I got to see them.

i just got back from my new psych and I am more depressed than ever.

he wants to put me on 1000mg of a medicine that makes you WANT TO EAT and is practically guaranteed to make you gain weight. SO, they weighed me to see my starting point. I weigh more now than I ever have IN MY LIFE. I'm NOT taking the drugs, I'm NOT going to any fucking group, and I'm NOT going back.

to say I loathe myself is an understatement. I cancelled my appt with my onco because, frankly, i don't give a shit if the cancer comes back, I'm NOT going to be VP for a student assoc. on campus (it's a fucking mess of an organization anyway) and I'm NOT going to see anybody today. Or tomorrow.

I'm just going to sit here and despise the fucking gross idiot asshole that I am.

Try to cut yourself some slack Bri. From where I'm sitting, there's nothing to loathe.

You know on an intellectual level that this is temporary, right? You're going to get through this.
:comfort:

Bri, I won't tell you to get up and go somewhere today. But try to give yourself SOMETHING to distract your mind. Music always worked for me. YMMV.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but there are at least a dozen antidepressants on the market these days, and it's hard to believe there isn't one that doesn't carry a weight gain side effect. If you told him about your weight gain concern and he ignored it, I say it's time for a new doctor. (Hopefully one that will not only take your weight concern into account, but also has experience dealing with psychological aftereffects of cancer.)

Bri, concentrate on the good? What are some good things in your life, right now? Like name three?

And Bri, let me (hopefully gently) urge you to reconsider the Onc appointment. You will feel better some day -- maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon. And then you don't want to be blind-sided by the big C again.

Sure, ditch the student assoc -- you don't owe them anything. But you do owe yourself proper medical care.

Please?

What they said Bri. Try to maybe find something in your life that you DO feel good about and immerse yourself in it for the time being.

And agreed about the Onc. We need you around here, so FUCK CANCER. Kick it's arse.

*hugs* Sorry you're feeling shit Bri. It'll pass. It must. The others' advice seems sound to me. There must be other options in terms of anti-depressants. But try to stay well whilst you ride this one out. You'll be glad of it when you get clear, which you will. Like every thing else this horrible feeling will just be a memory soon enough.

Hey Bri, maybe your onco can point you in the direction of a psych who will better understand where you're coming from? Please reschedule that appt for a day when you're more ready to kick ass -there's too much C going around as it is.

and when you're feeling more feisty...

Did you tell the psych that you weren't going to take the new drug? or did you lie and say you'd try it? because if the latter, call them and tell them actually, no I'm not going to take this, give me something that'll work for all aspects of my life, and if the former, dump him and get a new new psych

I'm going to call him and tell him NO WAY am I taking this drug at the weight I am at currently. I took myself off prozac about 2 months ago and I'm going to put myself back on it (started today) as I have some refills of it.

I won't go into all the details, but it's very difficult for me to exercise (I walk that terrier everyday and it KILLS my legs and back, but I do it) but my eating habits suck huge big macs and taco bells. I eat like shit. I know this. I have to change it.

this is my second 'new' psych doc in four months. the first new one put me on abilify which costs 500.00/month (which my ins. co.won't cover) and when I called to tell them I needed something else they said, "It'll take six weeks for you to get an appointment" so WTF? I had just seen him, he just needed to write a new, cheaper script!

This new guy is nice and seems to care, but...ain't no way I"m taking depakote 1000mg and gain 40 more pounds. Frankly, I'd rather have a cross town bus hit me than gain one more ounce. I will tell them that. They can do whatever they want with that info.

I'm finding it hard to care about anything at all. I don't care if I do my paper, I don't care if I take a shower, I don't care if I die.

gee, maybe in six weeks, after the prozac starts to kick in, I'll give a shit. This feeling is like zombiefication. I cannot wait to see what my othello paper looks like. Hilarious, I'm sure.

oh, and someone I kinda depended on has just given me the bums rush. everything , EVERYTHING is over. so many undeserving, happy people die...and here I am. Life is a joke.