The Cellar - Needing People

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- Relationships (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=34)

- - Needing People (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=13162)

On George Carlin's website, he refers to this as "a sappy load of shit." He didn't write it and is unhappy that it is attributed to him.

Whether he wrote it or not, some people still pause for thought. Those that want to say, including him (?) that it is a "sappy load of shit" have other issues and I feel in the category stated therein of not giving a damn about what really matters in life. Perhaps?

I hear you, Perry Winkle, and I struggle with this too. (are you still listening?).

I'm naturally an extreme introvert, but I've come to realize its not healthy to be by yourself all the time. It's important for mental health and longevity to connect with people.

That article was actually very interesting to me. I've always been the introverted sort, sure I'm friendly, but making friends doesn't come easily to me because I find small talk extremely uncomfortable and I always tend to feel awkward in big groups. It's always, ALWAYS nice to be reminded that there are other people out there like me.

Being 20 years old, and not drinking or smoking or doing drugs or wanting to party makes me a bit of an outcast as well. Yes, I'm aware these are good choices, that's why I'm making them...but it doesn't stop me from getting those "looks" from other people when they find out. Doesn't make it any easier to find people that I want to hang around with.

Overall I'm happy with my life, I do get lonely sometimes because at this point I have literally no friends outside of my family and current boyfriend, but most of my family are introverted like me too...

I figure, if I find people I'm happy and content being around (without feeling like I'm changing who I am to do it) then great...if not, I've got a great family and a wonderful boyfriend. Life's good. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle (Post 309969)

The men in my family are always mostly friendless (excepting a small hand-full of really close, but still at arms length, friends). I don't know where it comes from, but we have something ingrained in us that makes us think that needing people is a weakness and being warm toward people is dangerous. We can come off as cold, distant, sober, ..., (I think you get the idea).

We know that belief is bunk, but it is very effective at keeping us closed off. And when we manage to turn it off we're pretty solid people persons.

My maternal grandfather, his son (my uncle) and myself are the most extreme examples of this. We don't speak unless we have something to say, and even then we might not say anything.

It's hard for people who aren't intimately familiar with the way men in my family are to grasp this. This is fine for my grandfather he's been married to my grandmother for 50 years, and for my uncle who's on his second marriage, but for me...

Let's just say I'm not entirely happy with my relationship situation. And I think it's mostly due to this personality characteristic. It's so ingrained that I'm sure there's no way to remove the trait from myself, so I'm just looking for ways to minimize the impact it has on my day-to-day interactions.

I was going to ask for advice, but I'm not sure there's anything to be done.

I'm having the most introspective month of my entire fucking life, and it's driving me mad.

But the question still remains: Are you cold, distant, and sober? Some people are just quiet and introverted, but you are sounding a little pompous. Do you socially act like other people are innately flawed, and you are on some sort of moral or intellectual high ground?

I'm probably wrong about the pompous part. But it looks like no one so far has bothered to even ask. You may act that way but how close to the truth is it?
:D

What makes you unhappy with your relationship status? Do you have one?

Cic the thread is an old one that had been ressurected, I believe the situation has changed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster (Post 445863)

Cic the thread is an old one that had been ressurected, I believe the situation has changed.

Yup, he took Monster's advice and moved to the UK, where we're all like that!

Wow. Ancient history.

January 2007 was one of the worst months of my life...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cicero (Post 445846)

I am cold, distant, sober, and some other things; however, it's usually secondary to being nervous or otherwise uncomfortable. My first real romantic relationship started over a year ago and I discovered some real surprises about myself. I found that I am a very warm, caring, supportive, loving, and considerate person.

I don't act like I'm better than everyone else. I freely acknowledge that I'm very good at some things (without being boastful or cocky), and this makes some people feel bad about themselves. But that's really their problem not mine.

In balance, I'm also very self-critical (I'm critical in general, though I try to keep it positive) and broadcast my failures more than my successes. People seem to see it as (gratuitous) self-deprecation.

Can't win, I guess.

Quite a few years ago, when I was growing into my brain, I was fairly pompous and pretentious. The only real personality quirk that still bites me are my ingrained loner habits, for instance: I'm so used to being alone, that being with someone sometimes feels a little too much -- something as simple as a hug can be the difference between comfortable and triggering my flight response.

Being in a relationship is harder than being single and so much more rewarding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle (Post 448977)

My first real romantic relationship started over a year ago and I discovered some real surprises about myself. I found that I am a very warm, caring, supportive, loving, and considerate person.

:D
Awww!!

lol! Sounds like you've figured out a couple more things since this came up!

Sometimes relationships are good for exposing our good sides..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle (Post 448977)

...
Being in a relationship is harder than being single and so much more rewarding.

You've learnt a lot and have a lot to teach folks now, Perry Winkle! Good for you!

Quote:

I try, but it often seems our society rewards extroverts out of proportion to introverts. So the "rational" side of me says I should just change. Not that easy.

There are indeed a lot of rewards to being extroverted. I am. I can talk amiably and/or civilly to almost anyone. Handy for my work, which is also a job that brings out any "people" traits you've got. The wife is altogether persuaded that dogs just love me. I guess she's never seen the really hostile ones.

But it really comes and goes; I'm no more a permanent gladhanding shiny happy people than the next guy and possibly rather less so. It's a mood thing rather than an ongoing attitude, though. Comes of a desire to keep it real.