Merc, distracted by watching Cloud and SG smooching, accidentally tugs the trigger on the .45 in his pocket, putting a round through his own underpant region and qualifying for a non-fatal Darwin award.

Everyone else ducks and twitches at the sound of the gunshot, except ZippyT, who finds it reminds him of how his ma used to call the family to dinner. "Comin, ma" hu mumbles from his doze.

Sundae Girl, who knows both sides of a bar, notices that the bartender has skedaddled, and slides around the back of the bar (closely followed by Cloud). "On the house" she calls loudly, with her hand on the beer tap.

Cloud determines that beer makes a fine hair rinse!

footfootfoot kicks you all in the cuntcuntcunt.

Clodfobble spews her drink all over the bar, because foot is so funny--but also because she just got kicked in the cunt.

"Alright, goddammit," she spits. "When it was just heads landing in my lap, that was one thing, but feet is a whole new ballgame." She reaches into her voluminous diaper bag and pulls out her trusty leatherman, with its can opener tool exposed.

Elspode, knowing a useful tool when he sees one, grabs the Leatherman from Clod's hand, and uses it to pop off the childproof caps from the bar's electrical outlet. Moving like a cat, he swiftly plugs in both vibrators, flicks their switches to "high", and moves in toward the prone and purseless form of Cloud...

Cloud pretends to be sleeping. ;)

Bruce slings Cloud over his shoulder and with his free hand flings a typewriter at Elspode. The vibrators get entangled in the keys and tap out the opening sentences of a porn novel.

Radar notices the bartender is busy so he helps himself to a free beer and a shot. LJ bumps into Radar's arm and makes him spill a drop of that sweet sweet nectar. After downing the remaining beer and shot, Radar breaks a pool cue on the back of Mercenary's head to teach LJ what will happen to him if he does it again.

Zengum takes the contents of the ice machine and hurls handfuls at anyone in sight. There is minor bruising and irritation, and soon, the floor is covered in loose, slippery, melting ice....

Cloud isn't sleeping; she's passed out blotto from all that beer. She rouses, confuddled.

Wha -- Bruce! put me down!

oh, Bruce . . . you're so strong . . .

Cloud accidentally kicks Zengum in the head, as she, Bruce, and Zengum are ambushed by the slippery ice and go down in a heap . . .

Well, as long as we're down here... :blush:

Zengum shoves a handful of ice down Bruce's pants, as a way of explaining that, sorry, I don't swing that way.

Meanwhile, SamIam grabs a soda dispenser bottle and begins hosing down anyone in sight.

Flint enters, stands with fist upon hips, and surveys the carnage.

"I'd better put on my gloves of destiny. looks like I'll need the +5 damage to augment my might. Oh, and the leather Goggles of Shanara so I can see danger approaching.......and this chain mail vest ....and these greaves.....and my cloak of invisiblity....."

as he fishes in his rucksack for the equipment, wolf steps up behind him, and pistol whips him right on the medula. Flint goes down faster than Sundae Girl on the second date. ...and stays down.

Deathly skips in...pauses...helps herself to something to drink then runs to the dark corner over there...

...and accidently steps on Cicero in the fetal position in the corner...hiding and whimpering in terror.