Chuck is the one who smoked and hid Jimmy Hoffa.

He also hired a plastic surgeon to make his mouth look like a mule's....just so he wouldn't be perfect.

The New York Yankees will soon change their name to the New York Chuck Norisses.

Chuck Norris' tears are the cure for cancer.
The only problem is Chuck Norris has never cried.

PS: Keith Richards farts dust.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear for a pet. In winter, Chuck lets the bear hybernate in his rectum. "It makes me feel pregnant, and I get in touch with my feminine side".

Chuck Norris has a feminine side. It's 18 inches long.

On three occasions, Chuck Norris has inadvertantly killed a woman while having sex with her. Doctors have calculated that Chucks pelvic thrust is ten to fifteen times stronger than any other human being's pelvic thrust.

Chuck Norris ate the dingo's baby.

Chick Norris knows more than MaggieL and TW combined.

Chuck Norris jump-started time with a round-house kick way back then.
Kieth Richards ducked.

So I didn't make these up, but they make me laugh:

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, Chuck Norris invented every color. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

There is no such thing as evolution. There's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

France saw an episode of Walker Texas Ranger and surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be safe.

Chuck Norris disrespected Islam and nobody even shrugged.

Chuck Norris built the pyramids (but it is not true that he did it from sketches which Keith Richards made on a napkin).

The Sphynx is actually a portrait of Chuck Norris. But he got mad and had it covered up because Keith Richards kept pissing on it.

On the eighth day Chuck Norris said "Let there be MARICHIKO!!" And it came to be.

So even God gets drunk on the weekend?

Yes, and Chuck Norris knows why the platypus looks like that.

Bush asked Chuck Norris to capture Osama bin-Laden. Norris refused politely saying: "this job is too easy".

There used to be mountains, Chuck sneezed... now we have mesas.