Same here. Alot of what's been said here hits the mark. It all came to a head last year when we found out that my oldest, at 14, was cutting herself, was on the phone for hours in the middle of the night with a "kid" from Cincinnati that she met on-line, and then started to run away, to Cincinnati, but got scared and called from 30th street railroad station. It was enough to drive me to drugs. As long as I can remember, though, I've had thoughts of hurting myself, and that maybe my loved ones would be better off if I just wasn't around anymore.

Yes, some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the restraints. :(

Do you mean to say that, to control your reactions to your daughter's behavior and how you dealt with the whole situation? Or are you saying you think your feelings or behavior influenced your daughter negatively? Has your taking Lexapro had any impact on her?

If we're counting alcohol, I think I voted wrong.

Don't drink, don't take any anti-depressants or other prescription meds to alter my moods. Never have taken anti-depressants, but did drink in increasingly larger amounts until 3 years ago when I quit, cold turkey.

I was suicidally depressed as a teen, but somehow I managed to get through it in one piece.

Nine months after my daughter (now 19m) was born, I came down with post-partum depression. It was horrible in that I couldn't be bothered to do anything that I love. I couldn't get through a single page of a good book, didn't touch my jewelry work, couldn't get excited about or interested in anything whatsoever. I wasn't suicidal (or God forbid, homicidal), just blah...almost like I was invisible and irrelevant. I began taking some heavy duty multi-vitamins and L-5-hydroxy Trytophan (all natural product that enhances serotonin production). Within a couple of weeks, I felt back to normal (whatever that is :p ).

Stormie

Well said. That is what we cannot define.

Yes, yes, and yes.

I think that she was behaving unacceptably, and my response was probably more severe than it should have been, which cause even more poor behavior on her part. I was sweating the small stuff, and not seeing the big stuff. Relations with my wife were tense, and that spilled over into my dealings with the kids. When things came to a head with my daughter, it scared the shit out of me, and put things in perspective, but I was on an emotional roller coaster, and could break down at any time. I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to check to make sure she was still in bed, my legs would shake, I was almost incapable of doing anything that wasn't urgent and necessary, and lost my appetite (I called it my daughter diet). After starting Lexapro, I was able to just let things go. When she acted out, I could see that she just wanted a reaction, and was able to withhold a reaction. Our household is much more relaxed now. My daughter is still a 15 year old girl, with all those issues. My wife sometimes sees "letting things go" as "losing", and letting my daughter "get away" with poor behavior, which she sees as poor parenting. But in the long run, my daughter is happier, communicates with us more, and has stopped, as far as we can tell, her self-destructive behavior. I wouldn't say that Lexapro is solely responsible for all that, but I feel like it enabled me to do things differently.

Wow, I never put that on the intenet before.

Very interesting variety of responses. The brain is a tricky thing. It is what makes us who we are, yet can totally deceive us into thinking we are something we are not. When something goes awry, it may be only glaringly obvious to those around us.

For me, that's what has been the most scarypart of dealing with my 'imbalance'. I want to trust that I know what 's best for me, but time and time again, I've been fooled. It has taken a long time to learn to trust someone else to tell me what I can't see. I'm damn lucky he stuck through the nasty stuff long enough for us to get to this point.

Spexx, it was when my 3.5 year old daughter asked me over and over, "Mom, are you mad at me?" I knew I had crossed the line. Until she said something, I didn't realize how I was affecting her. She was starting to become afraid of me and my out of control temper as I was getting shorter and shorter with her. I could write off my husband telling me I was being out of control, but when my daughter basically was saying the same thing, it shocked me into reality.

This is what a depressive on meds goes through when increasingly shitty things keep happening and the pressure becomes too great:

Could I GET a gun?

Would a wrist slash be better?

How many tylenol does it take for an OD?

Thank god I have family I wouldn't dare hurt.

Just sayin'

Yeah, you're walking around doing what you're doing, and BAM! someone points out that you're being a dick. "But I'm just being me". "No, that wasn't you, it was a dick speaking through you". Oh...

Those things might fuck up your life insurance. Now, while you're driving 75 MPH on the highway, passing a semi, it won't take much to "have an accident", and it'd all be over real quick, and the insurance would take care of your family. Maybe better than you could....

This is getting depressing. Beestie, tell us a story about your neighbor and his dog.

OMG! I thought I was totally alone in all of these thoughts of mine till I read bullitts post on page 1. I was reading about ME! - that is exactly how I am! A flourescent light, a bug buzzing in the next room, a fan that whirrs off balance. . . hyper hearing . . . As I grew older I learned some coping mechanisms that work for me - like making lists if I have more than 2 things to buy or do. The best part was the "hyper-focus" Thats the best description and the most frustrating part. Why can I totally focus in to certain tasks, block everything else out and be incredibly productive at times and not at others? This still drives me nuts.

About 3 years ago my son was diagnosed with ADHD too and they put him on meds for it - as a show of solidarity I agreed to take them with him. I felt no different with respect to the distractions. I must say though, that I no longer felt happy or content anymore I mean it took the bottom spectrum of negative emotions away, but in the process removed the true happiness and joy away as well - leaving me with moderate feelings about everything. Never really happy or sad - just sort of ok all the time. I hated that and haven't taken anything since. Maybe I should, but I made it through the last year which has been hell with the split and all.

I'm still here and friends and family tell me I'm better than I've been in years so .... who knows? Certainly not me. Thank you bullitt, thank you very much.

Nice. Thanks for your support and concern, friends.
I don't have children. That is not what I was talking about. though your compassion is really overwhelming. Don't worry I wouldn't subject a poor kid to me.

I know, give it a rest, get over it, waa waa waa.

That's what all you boohoo I'm feeling blue people don't get.

See you on the flip side.:(

Miscommunication? I was using the figurative "you", to mean "me".