Shitjob update:

I've been out of the habit of posting these stories for the past few months because there have been more important things for me to do and the overall morale at the shitjob has dramatically improved.

The old shift super is gone and TatooHead is running the show. He's been there for 5 years and he knows how to get things done and more importantly, how to keep the first shift from screwing our production numbers. If the numbers are good, then management stays out of the way. This is a truly wonderful thing. Unfortunately, it was a rare thing with the old manager.

Through the process of moving around, TH has also found a station that he feels I'm really good at too. Now I run a buffer for 10 hours a day. My forearms arent quite as big as Popeye's yet but wow. It suits me fine and as long as there are no more than 2 people out from the shift, that's where I stay.

The new manager has made this job from something I think about quitting every fucking day to .....maybe just once a week. Yes, it still sucks ass but the likelihood that I can stay until I graduate is much better now.

Thanks for the comments on the stories. I hope you find them as funny as I do.

That is NOT funny. Trust me Slang, that shit WILL come back to haunt you. Be careful, please. :(

That's true Bruce. After absorbing that chemical into my skin and getting some rather persistent kidney pains, I went to the office to get the MSDS on it. I cant even remember which chem it is but it's definately bad news. I talked to the old super and got a few minutes of fresh air. That and washing the jacket seemed to neutralize everything except the red hand print.

ThinGuy is basically just a kid, hes 19 and one hell of a worker. He's always horsing around but rarely bothers me. And as you know, going to the office to file a complaint is a last resort option out in the shop. We prefer "shop justice".

After I fucked up the buffer that he was ultimately responsible for, he didnt bitch a bit. He really knew that we were now square and that this non-sense would go no further.

And wow, that fucking buffer was a mess! The clamp I was polishing had 2 clamps on it, so I could hold it after it got hot. I leaned into that 12" buffing wheel so much that at times the wheel almost stopped moving. The sharp edges just shredded it.

I havent had that much fun since pigs ate my brother!

Another spilled drink


During the course of a ten hour shift I normally drink about a gallon of water. That may sound like a lot but when you add the heat of working next to equipment that generates heat on it's own with the natural loss of water from physically exerting yourself, it's really not. Most everyone else is conditioned to the environment and they dont drink as much water as I do. If I'm staying in one place for more than a few minutes, there will be a water cup nearby.

Sometimes the cup is seen as too much of a temptation to resist.

HoseMan: ( walks over to my water cup, hit's it with a blast of air, it spills, and the cup rolls away on the floor )
slang: That was my water cup.
HoseMan: Oh was it? Sorry. lol (walks away)

Since the water is critical to me being able to work the duration of the shift, I went to create a HoseMan proof cup. The new cup was actually 2 separate quart paper cups. The first paper cup had some marble polymer added to the bottom, then the top cup was added and taped to the bottom cup. This made it taller and therefore theoretically more vulnerable to tipping. I thought this was pretty inventive and would eliminate the HoseMan fixation on emptying the contents. It was heavier than just water by almost 2 times, surely it'd be stable enough. I was wrong.

HoseMan: ( walks over to my new heavier water cup, hits it with air, it doesnt move. Positions the air hose directly over the cup, the contents spray out, the cup remains in place ) Ha ha
slang: I'll buy a personal hydration backpack if I have to.
HoseMan: Looks like your water leaked out. You need a better cup. lol (walks away)

So the next version had a top, with a straw. This would work, wouldnt it?

HoseMan: ( walks over to the now fortified cup. tries to blow the water out from the top, cup cover keeps the air from the water.....looks desparate for a second, then carefully positions the hose to blow the straw from the cup 10 feet away to rest on the dirty floor ) Yer getting better! But still not good enough. lol
slang: Are you bored tonight or what?
HoseMan: Looks like the air caught your straw, man. Sorry. lol (walks away)

Ok. So this time I change the strategy a little. This version I fill the cup with polymer to the top, make a lid for it and insert a straw into the wet, slurry. Wait 15 minutes and it's hard as rock, heavy and the straw isnt going anywhere. The perfect diversion. Now to place it nearby to lure HoseMan to it. I also made a duplicate of the solid cup, filled with water, just to switch at exactly the right moment. You want games? I got more games than Milton Bradley baby (a famous HoseMan quote).

HoseMan: (same routine, hits the cup with the air.....nothing moves because its all in heavy, solid polymer)
slang: (sees him hit it with the air....takes a drink from the real cup while he's looking at the decoy)

This goes on for about three hours. He hits the cup with no result, then goes on working. The next time he tries something a bit different, maybe getting closer to the cup or hitting it from another angle. Every 20 minutes or so, in between really working, he hits the cup with no effect. Each time he's so focused he doesnt see me drink from the my real cup.

HoseMan: (walks over) You must be getting really thirsty!
slang: Actually, no. Why would you say that?
HoseMan: That water cup there doesnt have any water in it. You're pretty sneaky dude. I picked it up, it's solid marble.
slang: What? I was drinking out of it 20 minutes ago, it can't be.
HoseMan: (goes to pick it up) I'll show you, you're full of shit! (sets it down)
slang: (drinks from the switched cup, they all look the same) I really appreciate you not fucking with my water now. That hose trick was really funny but it's getting old.
HoseMan: (confused, looking under the line for the solid cup he just picked up) Yeah, no problem.

Now for my turn. His air line runs from right under my work area. For the rest of the night, every time he turned the hose on a mold, I made had a crude foot pedal that would pinch the hose and cut the flow of air by about half. The hose was wrapped around a leg of the line so when HoseMan pulled on the hose to straighten what he figured was a kink in the hose, my pedal was undisturbed. Very funny and effective revenge. When the air wasnt really necessary, it ran full strength, when it was, about half the normal pressure was released.

HoseMan: Hey! Is that fucking compressor working? My pressure keeps dipping!
slang: Why dont you go check on it................and while you're over there fill my water cup.

So much more fun than a cubicle.;)

Isn't it nice to find out that there are people stranger than you (this is a general "you", not a specific "you) out there?

I don't often get this opportunity.

Well, okay, I do, but I really don't think that nuts count with respect to this kind of situation. ;)

The variation is interesting indeed.

Nice run of SJ stories tonight ... I've been missing them!

You gotta get out of there before you crack a chromosome or something, though ...

Oh, and if you want to read "A Brief History of Time" so you can converse with Albert, I have a spare ...

Well........maybe if I was making Bruce sized checks.. :)

I should contribute more to the existing office pranks thread...I have a few that I think are pretty funny.

One doesnt converse with Albert, you only listen. Thats why no one wants to be too close to him. That and the projectile belching.

But thank you, very nice to offer.

Bob's 4 barrel buffer


One thing that's really different about the shitjob world is the swapping of stations so frequently. It makes sense in several ways but it's still annoying. If someone doesnt show, which is often, then someone else has to do that particular step in the process. The process of manufacturing, at least in this case, is all live. It's all time sensitive because of the curing time of the marble. Once it's poured you cant unpour it to stop. You have to finish each step in sequence.

In the engineering or design process of any given product, if someone doesnt show for a day or more, it's nothing that cant be managed and worked around. This is one of the hardest parts of the shitjob world to deal with. Everything is live action and sequencial. It sucks enough doing the job you normally do, but just when you get good enough at it to make it bearable, you have to cover another position.

So anyway, I get switched the other day to buffing. The upside is that there are a lot fewer knuckleheads to clash with, the noise level is a lot lower and it's a lot less dangerous. The downsides are that the dust will eventually find it's way onto every inch of your skin, they are consistently overloaded with work, and there are fewer knuckleheads to help you out.

I hit the scene with TylerDurden busting ass on the buffing line.

TylerDurden: Hey, where's MarineGuy.....dont tell me all I got tonight is you.

slang: MG's having his head surgically removed from his ass but he'll be in tomorrow whether the procedure was successful or not.

TylerDurden: Funny. They tell me you're funny but that you're a pussy ass when it comes to actually working.

slang: I appreciate your confidence in my ability. Got any suggestions as to how we can keep up with a comic pussy ass filling in for two regulars?

TylerDurden: (heavy sarcasm) Yah, why dont you see if Bob will loan you the beast. He'll know what you mean.

Bob is the senior guy in the plant and he's kinda bitchy. He's a no bullshit kinda guy and he appreciates a little respect and a lot of results. So naturally, he doesnt get along with a lot of the knuckleheads. The rumor is that hes been there for 30 years. If that's true, he's seen a lot of change in the company policy and a lot of people filtering in and out of the plant. I've always listen to his advice no matter how strange it might seem at the moment. The guy knows what's what.

slang: Hey Bob, Tyler says I should ask you to borrow the beast for this shift because we're down 2 regular buffers.

So I get the typical Bob nod and we both walk to his stash cabinet.

Bob: (looking very serious) Now I'm going to tell you this and I tell everyone that uses this monster the same thing. Some listen to me and some dont. You seem like a sharp guy and can understand what I'm going to tell you.............this buffer is high performance and can be dangerous to the user. On top of that, you can fuck up the product if you arent careful. This motherfucker is not a playtoy.

slang: Ok, Bob. I believe you. Do I need some special training or insurance?

Bob: No, just try it right here and now and I'll give you some pointers if you need 'em.

slang: Fair enough.

So I picked up this chromed buffer and connected the air. Bob was watching me attentatively and I gently squeezed the trigger and let off.

G-r-r-r-r---waah.

The vanes in the air motor groweled distinctly as I tested it out. It sounded like a 2 stroke motorcycle at low RPM and the muffler was different from all the others. The beast was quite a bit louder too. Then I snapped the trigger wide open then quickly backed off. The inertia jerked my arm unexpectedly and I actually felt the chill of adrenalin.

slang: What_the_fuck........... did you do to this thing?(grinning ear to ear) This has got to be twice as fast and powerful as the other buffers.

Bob: (chuckling) I put a 4 barrel carb in it. (starting to walk away ) Don't get hurt and.......(cold glaring stare).....I want it back in the cabinet when you're done with it.

slang: Do you charge a rental fee or a deposit?

Bob: No....you're either entrusted with the beast.............or you're not. There is no negotiation.

I went back to the line and started working on the tops as usual. The monster's high speed and power was a definite advantage and we were caught up in no time. It actually made the work fun.

TatooHead: I thought I heard Bob's beast shrieking back here. He knows you're using it, right?

slang: Well he got it out for me.....and....you dont think he wouldnt have heard it himself and reclaimed it if he didnt want me to use it?

Tatoohead: Good point. It's just that he doesnt lend it out much, you must be in his graces today.

:)

Ride the tiger.:thumb:

ohmigod. It's a Tim the Toolman Taylor moment.

The best thing to do when slang gets one of these is just find something else to be interested in, and try not to pay any attention to strange noises or lights flickering. If nothing is heard for more than fifteen minutes, check for ABCs*. If all three exist, he just passed out from ecstacy overload. Just give him a little time.







*for you non EMS types, that's "Airway, Breathing, Circulation"

Wolf, you'll never understand how difficult it is the handle "the beast" (genuflect), with a woody.:D

true.