Chuck Norris took a leak and sea level rose 3 foot.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to purchase air fresheners for his bathroom, because his shit does not stink.

Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.

Chuck Norris wanted to smoke Keith Richards, then decided it wouldn't give him a strong enough buzz.

Then did it anyway.

Chuck Norris wades through lava

Chuck Norris tried androgeny and the worlds population fell 37.4%.

Chuck Norris made a rock so big that he, himself, could not pick it up. Then he picked it up.

Chuck Norris fishes for Great White sharks by trolling with his penis.

The Unstoppable Force met the Immovable Object. Their spawn is Mr. Norris.

Chuck Norris always carries a large red flag just in case he runs into a bunch of communists so that he can rip it to shreds or a herd of bulls so that he can wave it in front of them.

Chuck Norris' fillings receive AM radio, FM radio, short wave, medium wave, all emergency frequencies, cell phones and every fast food drive-through transmitter within 100 miles; and when he opens his mouth widely, he receives and decodes all forms of satellite broadcast.

And I thought I was getting jaundice,

chuck norris makes one hell of a burrito.


i fail at humor.

Mo-fucking-hommad moved a mountain. Chuck Norris juggles seven mountains. With one hand. And takes a bite out of the same one, each time it comes around. With his eyes closed. While standing on Laura Bush's shoulders and playing Rainy Day Women 12 and 35 on the harmonica.

Chuck Norris can make a roundhouse kick around the moon.