The Cellar - Potential sub looking for guidance

The Cellar (http://cellar.org/index.php)

- Relationships (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=34)

- - Potential sub looking for guidance (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=25198)

She's also stated that she came here thinking it was a different kind of board and has gone to seek what she wants from other specialist sites.

Also, though this board is located in the US, the poster in question is a UK resident and as such is completely legal at 17. The age of consent here is 16.

The server is in the US so any child pron saved to it would be an American shitstorm.

Ahh you're talking about her posting pics. Sorry I misunderstood.

That's what it looked like. <shrug>

and it's a little creepy too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunMaster357 (Post 734806)

That is the main point : TRUST. I cannot stress it enough. Kay, the kind of relationship you're looking for is NOT for casual sex. You have to know your partner literaly inside out. And it goes both way.

In my own case, I'm not currently involved with anyone. That's because when I encounter a woman that may become my partner, I put everything on the table. Otherwise, it's like any other sexual relationship. It may go on for some time

I consider a D/s relationship as something that has to stay behind the bedroom door. In everyday life, my partner would do as every independant woman should do : make her own decisions.

Another important point : SAFETY. If you ever decide to become involved with someone, start to experiment lightly. Especially if the Dominant hasn't much experience. There may be times you'll put your very LIFE in his hands.

So, no bullwhip on the first session.

I've met with female subs that were very happy in their life (married and with children). Submission was only a side of their private life. An itch they sometimes wanted to scratch.

I've also met some that were a bit askew because they had a very bad image of themselves, not necessarily coming from their D/s relation.

I've never met with a true sex slave.

I'm not worried about her sex life, just her life life. Why does she want someone else to control every aspect of that? Those are the types of subs that I've known who have had serious emotional issues. A little D/s play in the bedroom isn't a big deal. I'm talking about LIFESTYLE, day to day, the little bitty shit that someone feels they need someone else to control. Thats too far over the line for me to say "yeah, this person is of a healthy mindset." No, when you want someone else to run your life for you, that is not healthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rrrraven (Post 735412)

I think that suggesting someone might need counseling to explore why they identify as a sub is like telling someone they're not okay for something as basic as sexual orientation. Different is not deviant.

I also think that there tends to be some misinformation outside of the D/s world as to who actually has the *power* in a D/s relationship. Most subs I know are extremely dominant in their professional lives/family lives and choose to submit in their sexual lives. One could argue that the sub has all the power, or even better that a D/s relationship is all about power exchange. Negotiation is optimal in D/s relationships, if you can't negotiate your relationship, your limits, then there is no D/s relationship.

Just my .02

Sexual orientation and lifestyle are not synonymous. Your life should not revolve around another person, or be in the control of someone else. This poster is talking about having a dom tell her what to do on a day to day basis.

Quote:

where I can surrender control to a dominant on some daily activites (e.g. clothes I wear, food I eat etc.).

Basic vocabulary lesson: different and deviant are synonyms. Just FYI.

I wish she would take a picture of herself wearing a priest's robes and butt-fucking a chicken in the mouth with a stalk of celery while masturbating a male silverback gorilla to the tender strains of the Vienna Boy's Choir, while shitting bricks on top of the Crystal Cathedral in the midst of getting rimmed by the ghost of John Wayne Gacy and simultaneously getting bukkake'd by the entire cast of "The Cowboys". And the horses they rode in on.

Yep. I said it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf (Post 735589)

Don't be insufferably annoying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by morethanpretty (Post 735663)

She's talking about surrendering control on certain specified things. This is essentially a form of deep roleplay. Your post shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the BDSM experience.

From her posts, Katie seems self-aware and curious. What better way to try the concept out than by playing the role with an internet dom, in a context that she, the sub, actually controls entirely?

Just because it doesn't float your boat, please don't assume it is sinister.

I've known at least three lifestyle subs.

They are/were all extremely fucked up women.

Well, I think to give up all control in that way can often suggest something amiss. But I don't get the impression that's what K is after. I might be wrong, but this sounds like a safe, non-sexual way to experiment with the notion of subordination.

Couldn't she just get a job?

Ok I just want to say thanks to everyone who has offered me helpful advice and support (especially you DanaC-- you seem to be the only one who really understood what I was looking for here :/ maybe it's a language barrier issue :D).

I originally posted here thinking this was a forum used for such matters however I now realise I was wrong. I can see that this site was not what I was looking for so I apologise for posting here. As such, I will probably not post here again as I can tell some of you are offended by my manner and I am offended by some of yours.

Also, to the poster who was suggesting I acted illegally I just want to say that I was not proposing anything remotely sexual, nor was I looking to post pictures publically on this site so I did/do not believe I did anything wrong. Hope I won't get this board into trouble :S

Anyway I apologise for all the confusion and really just want to thank everyone who took the time to help or just chat with me :)

I didn't suggest that you acted illegally, Kaykatie, but that someone else was requesting that you do so ...