I would imagine that of all the medical specialties, oncologists would be pretty used to people bursting into tears. I would make that one so far last on the list of things to think about that it doesn't even rate. ;)

You guys are the best. I can't begin to say ... it all comes out sounding stupid and trite. But you are seriously keeping me on an even keel here.

'The only thing I can promise you is that we here in the Cellar will stick by you no matter what,' - xoxoxobruce.

I hereby withdraw my comments about never having met any ... let's say decent ... men (all right, I admit the 'nice, normal' thing was a howler). The Cellar is full of them! And wonderful women. Generally great human beings.

I'm looking into alternatives to WVU for surgery. UPMC is a possibility, and there's an independent surgical group with a plastics guy right here in town that apparently work much faster than the lumbering bureaucratic teaching system. My oncologist emailed back tonight that the surgeons will try to facilitate something faster once I've seen the plastic surgeon Monday - only my appointment is Thursday, maybe it's just a typo. It's all very vague, though. Think I'll try to get at least one other opinion in the meantime and then I hope someone will offer something sooner than October.

Guess I have to take a careful look at the ADA as well. I hadn't thought of it in terms of acute-onset illnesses but will check it out.
And yeh, I thought about the 'blown mind' thing with my un-friend and sent out a little contact, some gentle explanation that there are no big expectations or demands in the offing but would appreciate hearing from him. Nothing all day. I can give it forever, what the hell. I think the result will be the same, but at least I gave it a try.

So ... thanking all of you again and holding onto your support and warmth. I will get through this and YOU guys will be the reason why.

Haven't been around due to I-net woes, so I am only now reading this thread. Oh, orthodoc! My heart goes out to you as well as all the positive healing vibes I can send your way. Plus what everyone else said.

I'm pretty sure Bruce is right about the ADA, and the university could end up being a very sad entity if it tries to fuck you over just because you became sick. Fuck them and fuck cancer.

And if your "friend" doesn't come around, it's good to know sooner rather than later that he's worthless at emotional support. Also, you just never know with men. When I was in a position to, I did many favors for my own platonic male friend. He never seemed that appreciative, and I often felt he took my efforts for granted. But then I got laid off from my job and there he was leaving a $20 bill on my coffee table or buying me smokes when I was out or having me over to his place for dinner because he was worried I wasn't getting enough to eat. Guys. There's still some decent ones around.

Hang in there, sweetie!

That's a good point about the "friend." It's better to know now what his true colors are.

I think it's outstanding that you aren't just accepting this October BS. Keep pushing!

Hahahahaha awesome.

Also I'm sending good vibes your way. Cancer is a douche.

Healing hugs from here to there. Fuck 'em all!
Get on the phone and talk to the Ins. Co. Try to reason with them at first and if they aren't willing to listen, you have other options. Find out what they'll pay and start calling Docs yourself then get back to the ins co.

Do the same with the school. The LAST thing they want to do is be sued. Just keep asking for a supervisor or boss until you get to the person that can actually make a decision.

Got a second opinion from another general surgeon today; I really liked him. He's in private practice, very experienced, thorough, talked fast but gave me plenty of time to ask questions and bring up issues. He shared the current literature views, his own thoughts, what he would suggest to his wife in the same situation, and then said it was up to me. I see the plastic surgeon he works with on Tuesday. He talked about some innovative things they do in terms of reconstruction and incisions, to get a better permanent cosmetic result and lessen trauma. If I like the plastic surgeon as well as this guy, I'll book with them. And they can do my surgery the beginning of September if not sooner.

Also got to talk to the pathologist who looked at my biopsy slides. She's the department chief and a two-year breast cancer survivor herself. She had a lot of sound, wise advice based on her own experience. I left the conversation with a lot of new thoughts.

So ... a very positive day! I'll also see the plastic surgeon who works with the first surgeon (the one I didn't like) next week, so I'll be able to compare the two teams - but I think I'll be hiring the guy I saw today. It's a tremendous relief to finally have some options and a sense of getting close to a firm plan. My brain may even clear enough to let me get some work done this weekend. High time. :)

Excellent! When left with nothing but your imagination it's likely to go places that are extreme, and leave you feeling helpless. Now you've got solid options to deal with you can map your strategy. Look out cancer, you're fucked. :thumb:

Thanks Bruce, it's true - having definite options makes a huge difference. I can move forward, can make decisions.

It's bizarre what stress can do ... for the past ten days my brain has been mush. I couldn't bring myself to do normal everyday things, couldn't cook, could barely throw a load of laundry in the machine. Good thing I only had academics last week; I sort of fudged my way through. Next week I have patients to see again - brain has to fire on more than one cylinder or I'll have to take a medical leave, for their sakes.

I've lived through a lot ... but nothing stopped me in my tracks quite like this. It didn't matter what I knew intellectually; psychologically I was ko'd.

The intellectual part was/is part of the problem, though. As much as we know breast cancer treatment has improved A LOT, and as thankful as I am for that, it's also the case that treatment is far from perfect.

Let's just say I'll be glad to have chemo, even though it'll kick my ass. The stuff to kill isn't the primary tumor, or even the local recurrence; it's the distant seeding.

But ... one day at a time. And re-evaluation of everything important in the meantime, which is not a bad thing.

Speaking of which ... it's ten days since I heard from un-friend. Pretty conclusive, right?

And my ex has stepped up in ways I never anticipated - offering anything I need, coming down to pick up my cats, offering to be a second pair of ears/second brain during appointments if I want, offering to come after surgery and at chemo to do necessary things ... if I want. Very respectful, no pushing.

Life - drops boulders on your head, pushes you off cliffs, sucker-punches you. I wish I could get a handle on it.

Appreciate the small victories in your life OD. You can get thru this.
Once I had tests come back and it was all doom for me. 2 weeks later I was told oops sorry we mixed your results with someone else. Good thing I had not eaten a pistol. I have learned that when you are at the bottom up is the only way you can go. I will be your cheerleader! :cheerldr:

Think of Bela Karolyi, YOU CAN DO IT!

Yeah, it was pretty evident you scared him, or at least his imagination scared him. A lot of people go to pieces when someone they know has a medical issue.
Guess he don't want no chick that ain't gonna feel like making him a sandwich. :haha:

Passing up a hot babe... hey, his loss baby.:yesnod:

Yeah, watch out for the ex, just say no, thanks. Seriously. Classic abuser move, ingratiate themselves, create a debt that you owe them, power imbalance, entitlement, the cycle begins again.

Really. The cancer could be a metaphor for abusive relationships or vice versa.

A Jungian therapist once asked a friend of mine, "If [this event in] your life were a dream, what would it mean, how would you interpret it?"

I"m thinking of you orthodoc.

Hugs.