Don't be, your thread you can say anything you damn well please.

It wasn't a lie . For several reasons. And certainly not as much as when you shook hands and they said "how are you?" and you didn't say "fucking shit actually"

It’s not a lie. I have two brothers. One killed himself, but that doesn’t stop him from being my brother. I always say I have two brothers.


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Was she depressed?

I have a friend whose baby died a few hours after birth. (It was fully expected, but the deformity was discovered too late to terminate in her state, so she had to finish the pregnancy.) This was 11 years ago, but she still always says she has 4 kids, not 3.

But also and entirely separately, lie your face off anytime you damn well please. They're strangers and you don't owe them anything.

Not outwardly. Not at all. I hadn't seen her since Christmas before last Sunday. I was more concerned about the boy. Man. He dropped out of Widener and was in a funk. No one.. No. One. Saw this coming.

She had been visiting a forum that discussed how to do this. I can't bring myself to look at it. Don't remember the name of it. But my sister went through it. She had never posted. Another girl did the same exact thing the same day.

https://www.ydr.com/story/news/2019/...so/1268146001/

They didn't know each other as far as I know. But the recipe is there. How much to drink, what to do in the days leading up. When to tell someone to call an ambulance so you don't actually die in the home, but too late to save you. To go and have good visits with those you love. Sick sick sick.

I wish to hell I had any clue of what was so bad about her life. But I never will.

I doubt there was anything objectively bad about her life Jim.

Look, I may be speaking out of turn here, and I don't know what was going on in someone else's head, but I can speak to a mindset that almost led me to a similar place when I was 16 or 17. The thing that tipped me was not that life was so terrible - it was a mindset. It was all the confusion and stuff people deal with when they're young, but for some reason, I just couldn't.

The world was different then though - there weren't any forums with expert advice on how to succeed, so I failed. It's only when you fail, that you can learn that wasn't really what you wanted.

Those forums are fucking poison. Every single one of them posting advice and expertise, holds a little piece of the blame for this. imo.

Jim. You're a good man.
Go through the process. Do you have a therapist? Please don't internalize this.

If there's anything I can possibly do from Oregon, I'm here for you.

I don't know if I've said this already, but I've had this kind of shock before, this loss. When Shelby asked me to move out. Not nearly as abrupt or painful, but kind of similar. I'll get through it. I'll lose a bunch of weight. I'll be sad unless I'm forcing myself to be happy... Until I'm happy again. I doubt I'll ever be pure happy again... There will always be this pain. But I'm ok. I'll see the sun rise again.

Thanks though.

[QUOTE=DanaC;1033195:

Those forums are fucking poison. Every single one of them posting advice and expertise, holds a little piece of the blame for this. /

Blame. Not sure how I feel about blame. I don't feel any. I am sure I did everything I could do with the cards I was dealt. I loved her and I treated her gently. Never raised my voice since she was 10. I don't blame Shelby. Not even a little.

Those people on that forum are accruing some scary karma, but I can't blame Them. They don't care about the people that use their sick fucking recipe. I'm going to hate that word from now on, by the way. Recipe.

Ripley had 18 years to learn to know better than to do that. I'm disappointed. I disagree with her decision. But I didn't get a vote. If anyone gets the blame, it's her. What the fuck do I know though. Who cares about blame? Doesn't change anything. It's just that there is information available for everything, and some things are really bad. She made the decision with a brain that I don't have, and therefore can't think with, so I'll never know the motive.

But even if I did. If I had a note she left with the reasons. ...

....


.

Do you have plans for a funeral/gathering of remembrance ...whatever word the kids are using these days?

That's been put on the back burner. Could be a couple weeks or more

Jim, I just got nothing. I'm so bereft for you. i want to... ... I don't know because there's nothing I can..... ......

I totally agree about blame ..even if you could figure out who or what to blame, it wouldn't help.

Right.

So it's Wednesday.

You're fortunate you know your job well enough to run on autopilot for a bit if you have to.
Your undercoating/Scotchguarding sales might slip a little but that's OK. :p: