I am that close to the edge. The only relief from the pain is to self-inflict pain. People are whispering amongst themselves, giggling, sounding important, going to meetings, acting important.

I used to be important. I used to be respected. I wish I would get shot. I wish the building would catch fire and I'd just sit here. Beating myself up, litterally, only helps for a minute.

I'm not trying to be a basketcase. The fact is, I am a basketcase. People think you can fake being a basketcase but you cannot. Not like this. I'm not exaggerating or trying to get attention.

I know who you are too, and I apologize for making your problem about me and what I went thru. My motive was to let you know I know just how fucked up a work place can be. My two sisters looooooooooove their jobs. The most fun I had working was being a waitress but I was young and cute then so it would be much, much different now.


Meds. Sounds like you need to make an appointment to tweak them or at least talk to your doctor. I know the feeling of wanting to run off the road just to get some relief...it's a dangerous feeling. I also know you don't want to die but you feel like you are dying a slow death in the trap of your workplace. If you call your doc today, at least you will have done one healthy thing for yourself today. You will have a goal to stick around for that day when you can see him or her and get some relief. I've found crying like a hysterical nutcase in their office tends to bring them out of their zombie-like daze and help. God, I remember what it was like. It was unbearable.

And it's not you, sweetie; it's them. It really, really is them. Dysfunctional people will come together like magnets and ostrasize the one normal among them b/c they're terrible people and they want everyone to be terrible.

I wish I had a magic wand...

>wss<

I know who you are too anon, and I wish I was there to hug you and make you a cup of tea :hug:

Here's a good one. I had a little rant on FB (stupid, i know) about how NONE of my so-called pals in AA called while I was gone for 2 weeks. Dead? Alive? Who cares?

I then deleted it, feeling like a jerk but one AA fb 'pal' saw it.

today she put up a picture of a little bird braving a freezing snow storm, his little head tucked in from the wind with the words "This too shall pass"

and I felt like saying two things: yes, it will pass but with the pain of the biggest kidney stone you ever saw; and yes, but it's not passing quickly enough and i want to pass with it.

Hugs, anon.

I am not doing well. I am considering the looney bin. It won't stop until I make it stop. I can't tell you the pain I'm in. I can't do this I can't i can't.

I don't know what to do.

You need to leave work. Go home. Take a nap.

Think office space.

Oh and just walk out, don't tell anyone anything.

Scared.

What if I really am crazy? No...the shit around here is that fucked up. I need to get through today (and a funeral tonight :( ) and make a plan.

I have spies who look for my car, don't you know? I am 12 years old. I haven't the sense god gave a rock.

Dear anon,
Please quit your job. Please visit your doc for a meds tweak. Please look after yourself. You are loved and valued for being you, even by your family, even though they seem to want to keep you imprisoned in a job you hate. Truly. Look after yourself.

Sent by thought transference.

i don't know who you are, but giving up and quiting on life is never the answer. i'm a nut case and you have to learn to live with it. remember, you can always run away and change your name. get a fresh start. i already have my bug out planned just in case things get really bad

Thanks everyone. I'm so sorry. I am so far gone right now. I will be embarrassed someday when I feel better, if I get back on the upswing. But I'm the lowest I've been in years, since I ran my hand through a window just to get away from the abuse and was taken to the looney bin. Even that felt like a relief. So you're getting a lot of info I"ve not given before. Can you love me less or hate me more for being such a loser?

I'm so so sorry. I didn't know where else to turn. I will contact a psych doc. I promise.

I am a leper. When did I become that? I've always been loved. I've always done really well at things I do. I've even been admired. Now I'm just shit. And I can't deal wtih beiong shit.

I will get help. I promise.

What Trilby said this too shall pass
What foot said leave work, tell them you are too upset by your friend's passing and you HAVE TO GO HOME! Take a bath have a cup of tea get ready to say good bye to your friend. One thing at a time...

Nirv's right.

bump

what the ??? I don't even.

Ok. what happened?

Yes, mods. Can we please take out my pitiful cries for help from death to another thread so that I don't step on any more toes? BV knows when and where he's needed, by god, and we don't want to upset any delicate fucking balance for him.

Toro, I do care about your school. I just didn't know where else to put this and I am trying to keep myself from hurting myself.

But BV is right: it's about time we stopped talking about me and started going back to make sure we don't miss anyone. Go V, thanks for at once knowing who to care about and who not to. You're charmed that way, arent' you?"

In fact, delete the whole fucking mess. Who cares.