Chuck Norris doesn't surf very often, because tsunamis are relatively rare.

chuck norris doesnt pee standing up.

im convinced.

if he did, he would bore a hole to china.

Chuck Norris does not eat nails for breakfast, because then he shits railroad spikes later in the day. This doesn't bother him but the noise when this occurs disturbs the neighbors.

Chuck Norris is the father of every Chinese person

Whenever he has a health problem, Chuck Norris performs his own surgery on himself.

Recently, he performed brain surgery on himself, but in the middle of it, he realized that he'd cut out the section that knew how to complete the operation. No problem, he simply re-wired other sections of his brain to take over for the missing sections, and thus he completed the procedure.

Chuck Norris kicks the shit out of people who end any sentence in anything other than "OF THE BEAST.":lol:

Chuck Norris had sex with a car shredder.

...and the shredding teeth on the machine had to be replaced immediately thereafter.

Their offspring was a Monster Truck.

...and Chuck Norris did not have to pay child support. Getting to have his Baby Monster Truck is a privilege.

...A monster truck that regularly wins Nascar and Formula one events.

Chuck Norris is the only known male giving birth to a child. It was called "Steven Siegall".

Chuck Norris wears a clown costume and doesn't scare kids.

I heard that if Chuck looked into a mirror, this is what would happened...