If I ever get back to making them, I'll send you a doily. I have some other things to finish first though.

Would you prefer it to be scented with lavendar, jasmine, Hoppes #9, or Marlboros?

I can just imagine wolf at A. C. Moore or Michael's asking the woman at the flower-arranging department if she knows whether the last yarn shipment had any of the camo in it.

After working on the two afghans, are you going to work on two iraqis?

Or pulling out her pistol and asking if they have some speed crosheen (sp) to match the color.

:lol:

How LJ bullys Santa , In handwriting.
 

Letter To Santa, A

Dear Santa Claus,

It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. Normally, my associates and I would not involve ourselves in self-exploitation schemes such as yours. However, it is quite clear to us that you have over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my family’s territories. That I cannot let you do.

Mr. Claus, we’ve known each other for many years, and we have no problem with your operations in the North Pole. But, uh, Consuela tells me that you have expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most of the north side, and everywhere but the Jewish neighborhoods.

I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many interests. We both make lists. We both know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Have I mentioned, that, uh, red is also my favorite color? This year when you make your rounds, I hope you’ll take time stop by the house for a cup of coffee and some cookies, so that, uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can’t refuse. I know how much you like cookies. I am sure you will do this thing I ask out of respect, but I would be remiss if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman. I regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson.

Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the lovely Mrs. Claus,

Lumberjim

P.S.
It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary.

you want me

Yeah. She wants you...in concrete galoshes.

I think she wants you, too. Sometimes open hostility is really a cover for the raw, sexual turn-on someone is experiencing.

Or, she could be sticking your vodoo-doll image with a pin.

OK...someone's been reading too much mills & boon...or they're still in the school yard. lol

It's a joke, Ali.

Or are you just being an online bully? lol.

I've never heard of mills & boon so, no; I haven't been reading too much of them.

Does Mills & Boon in Oz have raw sexual turn-ons? In the UK I think we're still stuck at fluttering sensations and breathlessness...

Does that include heaving bosoms? Or is that considered a discreet sub-category of breathlessness?

Well, if breathlessness doesn't include heaving bosoms, it's pretty lame breathlessness. The heaving bosoms should also be threatening to spill out of the raven-haired minx's gown!

I have man ideas too...like how bulging the codpiece should be, how hairy the chest and how strong and thrusting the buttocks.

Things that must also be addressed: how rich and cruel and sexually deviant is Lord Longcox? And how poverty-stricken, desperate and sumptuously beautiful Lady EaseLay is.