Yeah, whatever. I won't get fired.

I've done it 21,000 times.

I'm sitting over here, not posting. Because what is there to say?

I think about you all often, and wish I could help make it better.

[quote=lumberjim;1033203][quote=DanaC;1033195:

Those forums are fucking poison. Every single one of them posting advice and expertise, holds a little piece of the blame for this. /

Blame. Not sure how I feel about blame. I don't feel any. I am sure I did everything I could do with the cards I was dealt. I loved her and I treated her gently. Never raised my voice since she was 10. I don't blame Shelby. Not even a little.

Those people on that forum are accruing some scary karma, but I can't blame Them. They don't care about the people that use their sick fucking recipe. I'm going to hate that word from now on, by the way. Recipe.

Ripley had 18 years to learn to know better than to do that. I'm disappointed. I disagree with her decision. But I didn't get a vote. If anyone gets the blame, it's her. What the fuck do I know though. Who cares about blame? Doesn't change anything. It's just that there is information available for everything, and some things are really bad. She made the decision with a brain that I don't have, and therefore can't think with, so I'll never know the motive.

But even if I did. If I had a note she left with the reasons. ...

....


.[/QUOTE]



[emoji175]


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thanks.


mornings are the hardest. such fukkitz, so very don't care. whatevs.


beautiful day. great.

Youre right about the blame. It's not helpful, really

spencer sent a copy of the note. it just says, "I'm sorry I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much"


on a postcard.

Oh Jim! How very sad! X


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My heart is breaking for you all. Again and again. <3

I would take some comfort knowing that she knew the pain she was causing, which means that she knew she was loved. And that she loved you.

It doesn't remotely explain why, but it's something.

I don't want to grasp for rationale. Or even comfort. It's been a week, and it's healing.

Seeing the note only gave me a visual of the scene. I feel so bad for my son who was there when she did it. Just the note gutted me.

But, my guts are all dry and frayed anyway, so.

I had posted the pic, but took it right down to spare y'all that reaction.

Getting through it.

"There" as in "in the house," right? I really hope he didn't (unknowingly) watch her ingest it... :(

hey Jim.

say what you like. tell them a lie, tell them the truth, shout "squirrel!". whatevz. Some people might welcome the truth and respond accordingly. I did, but I'm not a stranger.

My point is, help yourself. Take care of yourself. Let the reactions of other people belong to the other people.

Meanwhile, I'm here, we're here. For you.

No. He was down in his room in the basement. He came up when he heard yelling after Ripley told Shelby to call 911.

He also sent me a mock obituary she had done. Presumably for a college assignment. She was survived by her mother, her brother and her dog. Dated October 2028. Cause of death, falling into the grand canyon.

I must have been dead already by then.

This is eating my ass.

Or she just forgot me.

Jim.

Her mind was bent some way *already*. Look at the result.

Maybe you were forgotten and that's on her for forgetting. Maybe maybe maybe maybe..

My friend. Please. I'm not hugging you -- as you made clear.

However, please have a little mercy on yourself.

Other people's actions and reactions belong to the other people.

You're in charge of you.

I can't speak for her. I can't speak for you. I'll speak for myself, You. Are. Not. Forgotten.