There's no way a thread like this can be hijacked, unless it somehow ends up being about automotive finishes.

My ex was perfectly fine with me raising our kid (who was 11 and in physical rehab from his brain injury when she left me). She knew he was going to be a lot of work, and she was pretty focused on herself, her boyfriend and getting as far away from our life together as possible. I mean, she came around a couple of times a week and demanded that I do thus and such for him, yadda yadda, but I'd just smile and nod, then go ahead and do what I knew was the right thing to do anyway. Every time it came down to push or be shoved, she'd back off, because she really couldn't be bothered in the end to *do* anything. Once I finally figured out that she wasn't actually going to go through the efforts to force me to do anything any other way than the way which I thought was right, life got a lot easier.

I'm sure I had a luxury that most people don't in such cases, though, and I don't envy anyone who has to do that battle.

How come my Saturn didn't come with a little bottle of touch-up paint for small scratches? It might not end up with the same finish as the rest, but I don't mind that. My Chevy came with some.

Well, EXCUSE me, Slang. Getting back on one's feet after a disabling illness is not a picnic, and I'm still pretty poor. If you don't like to read my comment made in passing that I can't afford lawyer's fees, I suggest you put me on ignore and go check "Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm" out of the library.

Yes, the story of my life reads like a Dickens novel. I was born in a poor house, traveled to industrial Colorado Springs where I was taken in by some born-again members of Focus on the Family where I lived in a garret that was freezing in the winter, boiling hot in the summer. Lucky for me, I didn't have to spend much time in the garret since the born-agains found me an 18 hour a day job at 5 cents/hr in the tatting factory where I made intricate embroidered doilies with such teensy little stiches that I lost most of my eyesight by age 22.

The young scion of the family, an insufferable, self righteous bigot, forced his unwanted advances upon me, and as a result, I grew heavy with child and the born-agains threw me out on the streets, calling me a "fallen woman." I gave birth to a child that was still born at the Red Cross Shelter, and after that I passed my time living on the streets and panhandeling coins for gin to numb the pain of my dreary existance.

I fell in with a bad crowd of pick pockets and thieves and was thrown into the criminal justice center's prison ward for ladies of ill repute where I slept on a hard concrete floor and my best friend was a chemist who taught me all she knew about making meth. I was dumped back out on the streets and put my new found knowledge to good use, becoming one of THE top suppliers for the local hell's angels gangs.

Happy, now?

How's THAT for a thread derail? ;)

Since I've totally hijacked this thread, why not go all the way.

Imagine for just one second that I actually care in that forum sort of way because in that way, I do.

We're polar opposites on most issues and that's fine. I'm not harassing you but asking a serious question that I would think other people might ask themselves about you as well.

I've not ever met someone with as much bad luck as you and I'm sincerely sorry for your string of bad luck....

You told me about the bad....but what I'm asking is if you have ever made out on the winning side of anything?

Have you ever been happy, even if for just one moment?

Get defensive if you like, I'm just asking. Sure I could ignore you, that's easy. I'm just trying to understand you and some of the things that you describe.

There was a time a year or more ago that you were applying for a job. Whether that ever came through or not I dont know...but in a way I was hoping that you did get that job. If nothing more so that something would actually start going your way.

For God's sake I hope they do. You sound like you're in need of some good luck.

There are people out there that are rooting for you, I'm sure.

They're just afraid to out loud because you might accidently kill them not knowing their well wishes :lol:

Frankly, after what happened to me last time I tried to talk about what's really going on in my life in this forum, I feel that I'd be a fool to put myself on the line to be cut to bits again by a bunch of strangers whom I don't even know and who don't know me.

Your question seems ingenuous to me. Of course, I've had many happy times in my life and great experiences that I remember fondly.

My health is much improved, but I seem to have reached a plateau that the neurologists say I may not be able to overcome. My spatial memory is just wrecked which means, among other things, that I can't remember new faces or places. This limits my activities severely. I've gotten some small writing gigs and computer work that I can do at home which helps out financially.

I have put in for a job as a campground host out on Colorado's Western slope. It would be a great gig if I could get it, and its something I could do because the Forest Service would give me lots of back up. I may also qualify for housing out there which would be an enormous help to me because then I could just concentrate on my writing and rehab efforts. I'm on what's called the "Ticket to Work" program which allows me to be employed and see how well I do at it.

I'm still far from rich, however, and the spatial thing does make my life very complex, to say the least.

NOW, are you happy?

Yes, thank you.

I've never been in that situation and I'm sure that it's not fun. Getting even close to that place was not fun at all for me.

Open yourself to the possibility that people wish you well and hope for your success, even in a small way.

I'm very glad that you are improving and hope that someday you get to the point that you see yourself in the past and dont recognize that person for all the anger and frustration that person WAS.

That surely rings true for me.

Now for the joke. Are you with me? This is a JOKE.

So Mari....why not apply for one of the CPS positions there? Seems like you'd fit right in. :)

Heh! I don't think I hate men enough to qualify. Other than the ax murderer, I've mostly had pretty decent guys in my life, starting with my Dad whom I loved dearly and still miss to this very day, ten years after his passing. I was married to a terrific guy for 20 years, 18 years of which were quite happy. Then I pulled A Mrs. Lookout stunt for various reasons, a couple of which were valid and the rest stupid. I suspect Mrs.L. may one day come to regret her decision, just as I did. Now, that we have this thread back on track, I hope we hear from Lookout again soon. ;)

update. life is still kicking me in the teeth.

that is all.


ok. we've tried a couple of times to sit down and discuss custody and propert/money, etc. it is going nowhere and getting a little on the nasty side. she is truly delusional. it took me a couple of conversations before the lightbulb went off for me. she truly believes that i have contributed next to nothing in terms of assets in our time together (woohoo 7 year anniversary tomorrow!:rar: ). She is "generously giving" me $xx,xxx as an offer for splitting up assets. years ago i would have creamed myself at the thought of having a check with more than 3 zero's on it made out to me. today i look at that and realize that what she is offering me out of the kindness of her heart is only 10% of our networth.

her starting point for division is that "it will take lookout X to get set up with his new life. I am giving him more than X so he should be grateful.

my starting point is: when we got together we had nothing. we built everything together. a team/a partnership. if you are breaking up the team then morally we should add up what we have and essentially divide it in half (not to mention that we are in a community property state)

i can't get her to understand that concept at all.

question: if i have been so effing worthless all these years why does your lawyer demand HUGE child support and other ridiculous demands to keep you afloat?

ah, so yeah. that is why i'm not posting much. i'm kind of a bitter bobby this week.

Hang in there, lookout. We knew this wouldn't be easy but we remain steadfast and unwavering in our support.

Ungrateful dingbat. Not that I know her well enough to say that - you just need to start feeling comfortable hearing it.

yeah. the custody will be battled out. the money will be worked out. that is simple math for the courts.

probably harder is the fact that i am watching someone that i love disappear. the person that i have been with all this time is slipping away more each day. her interactions with everyone around her are becoming... i can't even explain it.

mrs lookout always had class. even if she was being stupid and goofy and _____ it didn't matter. a certain obvious class was apparent. she is literally (d)evolving into the most ridiculously stereotypical trashy bar ho. sad. it is actually worse than having someone i love die.

I can only agree out of sympathy and and can't even begin to appreciate how gut-wrenching this must be for you. Like UT said - focus on what's immediately in front of you and don't try to process the whole thing at once.

If you stay focused on winning each battle, you will win the war but if you focus on winning the war...

That's what happened to me with M., my S.O. for 6 years. He went from being the only one I trusted to being the "ax murderer" in what seemed like overnight. I couldn't believe the things he started to say to me, or his attitude about the money - MY money. He figured he could just help himself and skate off, shouting back over his shoulder stuff like "Go ahead and kill yourself - it wouldn't bother me a bit. I've been through THAT before!" and "Have fun camping."

It was so surreal watching him morph practically overnight into this callous, greedy stranger. I understand your pain, Lookout. I used to play this Brooks and Dunn song alot:

That ain't no way to go
Girl, it just ain't right!
Was it all a lie?
After all this time
That ain't no way to go...

i'll pass on the B and D. but i sure am liking Mr Cash's CRY CRY CRY.

How about "Don't stop thinkin' about tomorrow"......
....or Bob Seger's "Looking Back".:)

ooh ooh. how about Bloodlet's WHITNEY. it is a song about the guys ex.... and a plan to keep her tied up underneath the tour bus for the next tour. uh, that may be a little dark.

Yes. Perth and I decided on our own support arrangements (none), as well as the parenting agreement (50% each). Judge didn't blink.

Thank you, Elspode. I wish I had had the eloquence to tell my husband this 2 years ago when he was going through this situation. Your posts continue to provide necessary inspiration.

Mutual agreement in divorce is a rarety. Perth and I were lucky we were able to put our anger and differences aside long enough to make the agreements we did. I remember being a minority in a state ordered "parenting through divorce" class where women were asking "how do I keep my ex from seeing my kid?" and "how do I get a restraining order so I can get custody" and men asking "How do I keep her from letting her boyfriend around my kid?" I feel sorry for the kids caught in these situations, as well as the parents. The kids really are the only ones who truly suffer lasting consequences, though. I would suppose a lot of the adults out there crying "why did my daddy leave me?" were once children caught in these situations. Sure, there are a good number of dads that don't want any involvement in their kids' lives, but from all of the divorced dads I have known, that is also a rarety. The system is just so screwed up, that alot of them don't even bother, knowing they will be throwing good child support money to try and get a couple more nights a year with their kid.

I swear, I would love to get more involved in father's rights issues if I could only get through and into law school.

One more thing before I stop spamming this thread:

Hang in there, Lookout. You have a lot of friends (even if virtual) on your side. Keep us updated on the situation and we may even be able to give you some tips..which you can take or not...it just helps to have some support in these things. Thanks for being so open and sharing your experiences. And like Elspode more eloquently stated: Be good to yourself. No matter what, remember you are a great father and a wonderful person. Don't let the legal system or your ex make you feel any differently.

Hey lookout, have you gotten in a divorce support group yet? I hate support groups too. But the divorce ones are pretty effective at helping you sort through the train wreck of emotions you're feeling right now.

not yet. right now i am giving her rope to hang herself with.

Mrs Lookout: "i was thinking of going out with the girls tonight"

me: "sure honey, i wasn't planning on going anywhere tonight - go out with the girls if you want. have a good night." *feverishly documenting the 8 hours she chose to be in the bar with the girls rather than home with her son. also documenting the hours she couldn't play with him the next day while nursing hangover*

i am choosing to spend every possible moment at home with my son. mostly because i just want to be with him. partly because i don't want any situation where they can say "lookout - could you have spent ___ hours with your son, but you chose to go ____?"

Go for it, Lookout! Document, document, document! You do NOT want lil Lookout shoved off on some sullen teenager while the former Mrs. L goes out partying while you are not around. You also do not want him to wander around the kitchen unattended the next morning and decide to bake a cake which contains flour, sugar, 12 eggs with shells and gasoline - a recipe I concocted at age 4 when my own Dad was away and the Momster was sleeping in late. I damn near blew up the entire neighborhood (guess I started young, eh?).

As your interactions with the 7 year bitch become more distasteful, the better the idea of being away from her will look.
I hope.:ipray:

Great job, Lookout! Your son, your peace of mind, and your case will all benefit from that dedication. And you have the added benefit of getting rid of her when she goes out with the girls. Works out pretty well, if you think about it.

Last night in beer class (only 59 more to go), they made us watch "When a Man Loves a Woman". Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. Good movie -- your soon to be ex-wife is displaying a lot of the alcoholic tendencies that Ryan did with her character.

Worth a screening sometime, perhaps.

And by the way, Slang, try reading this. ;)

I salute you for spending time with your son, and agree with the documenting part. I assume all 3 of you are still living under the same roof; how is your son doing? My thoughts are with you.

Lookout: the wife is a burgeoing alcoholic. My best vibes are with you, man. This is no easy disease--it's a bitch and it changes the brain chemisty-look, I know you know this. Just keep on doing what you are doing and love the little guy.

i think she may be using cocaine again. i have no physical proof and she certainly wouldn't submit to a test, but i've just got a nagging suspicion.

the decision making processes have gotten more screwey again and (i know it sounds weird) her scent has changed. i am really sensitive to smell and i noticed the mornng after she went out with the girls that she skin smelled differently. i vaguely remember that smell from the bad old days. none of the other physical evidence is there though, so who knows...

i do know that 3 out of the last 9 nights she hasn't gotten home until AT LEAST 2:45 AM. yep, that is definitely responsible adult living there, let me tell you. pretty sure she hooked up with one of the MLB ball players in town for spring training.

i'm just loving life. we are stuck in the same house because we still haven't agreed on custody issues and if i move out i might as well just forfeit my demands for primary custody.

life sucks. but as the bulimic says after a meal, "this too shall pass."

I had a friend who did similar things - actually she did exactly the same things that you're describing. I was very close to her, and all I ever really understood about what she was thinking and doing was just that she had a "mid-life crisis". Yes, she was female, and only in her 20's, but a mid life crisis is still the only way I can describe what she went through. When her husband decided he was ready for child #2, she freaked out, decided she was quite content with motherhood with their only child - a three year old. She immediately started drinking more, doing almost any drugs whenever they were around and started being unfaithful to her husband. Soon after, they divorced......about 4 or 5 years later she settled down with husband #2, she's now on #3.
So, the alcohol and drugs were a ? symptom ? (I guess you'd say?) of her main problem in the beginning, but of course, the drugs and alcohol can quickly become the main issues of concern, especially when there's a child involved.
That was back in 1984, but it's been on my mind a lot ever since Lookout started describing his life these days....I always felt bad for my friend's husband, the poor guy never did figure out what he'd done wrong, of course, he hadn't done anything.

And as for the scent thing - I could always smell meth on my ex, back in the day......

Baseball players and coke would certainly go together. Geez, from what you describe you're going to be the fortunate one to be rid of her.

I figured all along she was heading back to coke, Lookout. An addict can't afford to get involved with ANY substance, since it invariably leads them back to their drug of choice. Not only does coke go well with baseball players, it goes great with alcohol, too. You can drink more and the booze helps smooth the jitters coke can induce. I hope you are documenting ALL this. It might not hurt to get one of those little voice activated tape recorders either, so you could record some unintelligible inebriated conversations with her. The judge would adore listening to THOSE, I'm sure!

Try to find a 3D support group to help you through this bad time. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be sitting around at 2:AM, imagining your wife all coked up and running around with God knows who. Your boy needs a sane parent in his life. I think you have a good chance of getting full custody if you document all this stuff.

I know this is something you would probably would be adverse to doing, but have you considered getting a temporary restraining order on her? If she comes back in the small hours of the morning and starts drunken arguments or takes a swing at you or something, you'd have grounds to request one. She would be the one who would then have to leave the house.

It sounds that way to us, but like Lookout said, he's missing the person he married, not this person she has become. We could save ourselves a lot of pain if we could just "turn off" our feelings when we need to....

lookout, have a cop waiting for her when she drives up next time. He or she will be more than happy to administer the appropriate test/search for illegal substances when operating a motor vehicle is involved.

Well said. Who's to say that person will ever return though? Sometimes feelings must be severed even though it's hard and takes time.

Oooooh! Brilliant and very diabolical, Noodle! I doubt that Lookout has the heart for such a tactic (he seems too much the gentleman), but if things get REALLY nasty, Lookout would have the former Mrs. Lookout by the tits (as opposed to balls)! ;)

i talked to one of the cops i know and he said that until i KNOW with a capital KNOW that she is using, i better not even speak it out loud. if i play that card and she submits to a test and nothing is found pretty much everything i say from that point on will be ignored.

because her time of arrival on going out nights has varied from 2:30 to 4:30 there is no way i will get a cop to sit tight.

she hasn't been too belligerent and never violent when she comes home. she knows that stuff doesn't work on me. my method of dealing with stupidity is to just stare at her and smile until she runs out. it only makes her (or any drunk idiot) that much angrier. if it came down to it, i wouldn't hesitate to go for the R.O. but i won't manufacture an excuse for one.

so i'm having a hard time on the housing situation. our house (and i don't mean to brag) rocks. we both make healthy incomes and we moved before the housing market went stupid. we have a larger than normal lot, with a comfortable mid-sized home with freaking disneyland in the back yard. Pebbletec pool, large putting green and separate chipping area with small sand bunker, flagstone entertainment area with fireplace, bar, grill, seating area, kids play area... and we are at the foot of the mountain.

although i can technically afford to buy/build something quite similar i just don't want that large of a monthly expense. BUT, i'm having a hard time finding something in the price range i want that comes even close to my expectations. the condo's across from my office building, which were apartments a year ago are selling for $100K more than i built my current house for. i've been batting around the idea of just renting for 6 months to a year until i can really focus more rationally on my priorities for housing. i just hate to throw away rent money. plus, i can do any home improvement projects tht might keep my mind/body busy. and yes, there is some arrogance about owning my own home.

i would like just one easy decision. of course, as my mother pointed out - i should count my blessings that i've got a choice - i'm not forced into a 1 bedroom apartment yadayadayada.

If the cocaine (or other drug use) is a reality and not a suspicion ... and if you are as clean as the driven snow, see what you can do about having random drug testing written into the custody agreement.

that is the problem wolf the cocaine is a very very strong suspicion, but i have no hard proof - only old history that looks a lot like what i am seeing right now. if she isn't using right now, she will be soon. an addict cannot hang out in the places she is with the people she is with and not fall back into it at some point.

and yes - i am as clean as the driven snow.

But you know for sure she's drunk, right? Couldn't a cop simply be there (assuming you could get him to hang out with you for a few hours) to test her for being over the legal limit when she drove home? And if he just happened to test her for other substances on his own suspicions, that's not really you playing any sort of card, is it?

yeah, so, i've had a couple of beers. for the first time in 4 months. i miss beer. i miss a lot of things. like not feeling like my life is ending. yeah, i kind of miss that.
i had the opportunity to do a few things today that i really really enjoy. or at least i used to enjoy. all i could think is "YOU ARE STEALING EVERY FUCKING DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY POINTLESS FUCKING LIFE YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
but then i thought i might be overreacting.

so i threw a dining room chair through a plasma tv. fortunately i owned it.
so she comes home and asks "why is the tv in the trash?" the only rational response i could come up with was, of course, "blow me whore, i'll leave the money on your nightstand."


yeah hours later i pretty much feel like shit. as much as i know she deserves every cruel thing i could think to say... i love her. i miss her. the real her. i hate this person that she is. i mourn the person she was. i miss the quiet nights after cam is asleep just watching [i]friends[i]or some other stupid thing. i miss waking up early to talk about our day's plans. i miss looking across the table at some restaurant laughing about what it was like when we were shit poor eating peanut butter for dinner. i miss planning our next vacation. i miss having my hand slapped away after getting out of the shower. i miss telling "the guys" that i was the luckiest man on the planet because i had everything i had ever wanted. i miss standing in a store while a lady flirts with me and my response is to think "oh, she's cute, but nothing compared to Mrs Lookout" instead of "who the fuck cares - she'd only shit on your heart given the chance." i miss my life. i miss my wife. i miss being the confident guy i was just a few short months ago.

i miss being something other than the pathetic lump of co-dependent flesh i somehow became. how does this happen?

in another thread someone asked "is the cellar real?" fuck yeah it's real. it is midnight and i know i have to be to work to put a smile on my face for my clients in a few short hours. i have tears running down my face. once upon a time i had friends. i had friends standing by that would take a bullet for me. one who did. now i have a bunch of distant aquaintances that remember the old days. they have wives who love them. kids who need them. and i sit alone. everything i have thought, planned, and done in the last 7 years is gone. everything. everything i did before that has been pushed aside or erased for the priorities of the last 7 years. the priority. the woman that i love. the woman who i thought loved me. the lie that i lived. so now i get to sit here and realize i have nothing. well, that isn't true. i have a beautiful son that i want to watch grow into a better man than i can ever be. unfortunately for him, he needs a father who is a better man than i will ever be.

so those are my thoughts for the night.

so if you are ever sitting around and wondering if the cellar is real - read this thread to assure yourself it is. there is some sorry son of a bitch in phoenix arizona pouring his heart out to you all. anonymous though we may be, you're all i've got. so yeah, to me - the cellar is as real as it gets.

thanks for reading my bullshit.

Hey, Lookout, I'm there in spirit with you tonight. Its pretty late here in Colorado, too, and in the morning, I get to go fight this cold monster in court to try to get some of my disability money back that he appropriated for himself. I'll get to sit in the courtroom alone behind him and his rich new girl friend, and watcher her act all protective and concerned and whisper advise in his ear on how best to avoid even giving me so much as a damn financial accounting and bank statements concerning my own money. I wasn't even married to this SOB and he still walked off with damn near everything I had.

There was a time when that man was the "only one I trusted," a time when I loved him with all my heart and soul and thought he was wonderful. People can play some damn nasty tricks, can't they?

I'll probably get my ass kicked because I don't have any money for a lawyer, but at least I'll have the knowledge that I didn't just lay down and die, and I fought back with every ounce of spirit I've got in me. And at least I know I have a place to live now and its a place 500 miles from here, thank God!

This too shall pass, and I have it on the best of authority that the sun WILL come up in the morning in both Arizona and Colorado.

The darkness never wins, Lookout. Invariably the light does return.

Here's to the destruction of our enemies and better days ahead for us both.

May God bless.

- Mari

Very, very good advice. Thinking back, now I remember how much it not only hurts, but beats down your feelings of self-worth. It DOES help a lot, after going through shit like this, to be held, feel wanted and remember that you are a desirable, attractive, interesting person who deserves to feel good about themself and to be happy- even if, at first, it's only for a while. It may take you a little longer Lookout, but as soon as you can, do this for yourself. You WILL feel better!

Lookout--I read your last post and my heart just broke for you. My friend, you have my thoughts and best wishes. I know how you feel; I loved my husband and he divorced me at the worst possible time, I felt so broken and useless and he kept telling me that I was broken and useless and I internalized that and started to ACT that way. Don't you do that-you're strong! You are one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure to talk with here. It is HER problem, lookout, not yours. SHE is acting nutty and probably using. Using people are never themselves, are never rational and can be UberCruel as the substance abuse takes away their humanity. I send you a huge cyberhug and kiss and know I am sending you good vibes.

Dude you and I are in such similar situations its scaring me - the only big differences are that I never had any money, left the house and she tried to frame ME for using. I too felt as low as a person could. I was thinking - "What the F*ck is wrong with me that this is happening?" Eventually, I realized it was her and not me. I am slowly, SLOWLY getting my self respect and self worth back and you will too. All my lifelong friends are where I thought I was and cannot comprehend this trainwreck of my existence. I totally understand how you feel - If you EVER EVER need to talk to someone, PM me and I'll give you my cell number. Call me Anytime, Anyplace, Anything you need - Just know that someone is there for you - if no one you know, then I will be because I do understand and can completely relate to your feelings.
Oh and yes the cellar is as real as anything in life and in some cases - moreso!

We're here for you, Lookout. Come back and rant any time. Hang in there. You will get through this.

Do not let her ruin herself and you. Mrs lookout is the one doing this to you. Mrs lookout is the one doing this to your son. Mrs lookout is the one with screws loose. Not you. You're feeling what any caring person would after getting stabbed like this and rightfully so. Mrs lookout is a beast unto her own at this point and you shouldn't project her malevolence unto yourself or anybody else.

Even hurricanes don't last forever... you'll make it through.

Lookout long time no post - Whats goin on? You hangin in there?? Give us an update. Personally, I'm starting to get worried about you.:worried:

eh, don't worry. i'm too dumb to give up on anything. there have been a few rough patches and there will be more but as long as i'm on the right side of the grass everyday life will be ok.

i made and offer and it was accepted for a new home today. it isn't my dream home but it'll do for a year or two.

tonight i am going to sit her down and offer to give up $xx,xxx that is rightfully mine if we can just bring this to a close. money isn't worth the headaches. and my new mortgage will be a lot cleaner if the negotiations are a done deal.

Well, you're the only one that can decide how much expedience is worth. I will caution you to think it through carefully as the results may vary from what you expect.
But you know all that.:blush:

well, the thing is that i know if i push for that money it will be awarded to me. BUT in order for her to pay me the money she would have to qualify for a bigger refi on our house and I don't know if she can - i'm pretty doubtful honestly. I think they got pretty creative to get her as much as they did. If they award me the money and then she can't come up with it we will both be screwed because the court will order the sale of the home and then it may be 4-6 months before i get ANY money, thus making life difficult for me in setting up a new home.

i am willing to graciously allow her to keep the money, IF she is willing to take care of labor costs for some projects i want at my new place (she can barter in her business). not quite a win/win... but nothing in this whole situation is when you get down to brass tacs.

Jeez, you're letting her keep the house AND the money? :eyebrow: Well, I DO understand about just wanting to be done with the whole mess, but, face it, until lil Lookout is 18, you won't be. How's the custody thing going to work? Take care of YOU, Lookout!

Good to hear from you. Our paths cross again. I hope things work out the best for you and lil-lookout. The decisions you make now affect you and him for much longer than the expediency may be worth, but that is your call and I understand your perspective. It is terribly difficult to be away from my own kids as much as I have been forced to be.

On a personal note - I was accused of being a "coke-addict" at my custody hearing on Wed. and the Master ordered that we both suppy hair samples for drug testing. When he gave us 6 weeks to get it done, I jumped up and said "WHY! ! ! Lets do this today - I am being withheld from seeing my kids I have 2 teenage boys who need to be taught how to be men." After my outburst, he cleared the courtroom for 20 minutes and when we reconvened he sternly lectured her,agreed with me and granted me weekend custody with all 3 kids till this is settled! Also, we'll get back into court in 2 weeks instead of 8 to finalize custody. Now she's really screwed, cuz I'll pass with flying colors, since I don't use drugs, and she will lose all credibility with the court.

Mari - her keeping the house wasn't even up for argument, i don't have any real desire to carry that much debt entirely on my own. whoever keeps the house has to dip deeply into the substantial amount of equity to buy the other person out. i can technically afford it, i just don't want to live like that. not even for my dream house.

i am in the purchase process on a much smaller and much less expensive home that will be adequate for the time being.

as far as giving her "the money"? i'm not giving it all to her. i just have to be realistic - if i push for that last little bit, even though i'm entitled to it, there are negative consequences for me and little lookout. on the upside the fact that I am the one who proposed accepting a smaller payout -helping her in a huge way - doesn't go unnoticed, and can come in handy when negotiating for other areas like custody, child support, etc.

Sounds like you know what you're doing. Continue to keep us posted, and give lil' Lookout a big hug from me. ;)

lookout123,
Money was completely unimportant to my dad, he had more than enough when he passed away, at other times in his life, he didn't any.

He valued intangible things like connections with family, personal values, morals, beautiful music, funny stories, tilting at windmills, his children.

Littlelookout will no doubt benefit from your willingness to spend a couple of bucks to get on with the important things in life.

Money is energy, energy is infinte, days with our loved ones, finite, more precious.

He's a lucky lad.

Well Said FOOT !!!!