*smiles* that's lovely Queenie. Thankyou.

or he was too busy shootin the sh*t over a cup of tea with my dad to even notice. take your pick.

hahahaha make that a shot of single malt and a conversation about gardening that'd be about right.

ooooohhhhhh....

she said "single malt".

I'll say it again in soft northern burr if you like?

Temptress.

What's the point of a burr if it's soft?

Go for it.

Ditto what everyone else has said, Dana. I'm sure he's with you in spirit.

I imagine my parents are watching too, somehow, and I hope they're not too mad about the B I got last quarter. ;)

Dani, you know how I feel about the afterlife.
So I can't say he's watching you.
All I can say is if it comforts you to think of any element of your Dad being projected, it has found its place in your graduation.

I believe every child brings themself up to some extent. But they are also very much a product of their genes and parental influence. You deserve full approbation for this qualification - jeez hon, you're not a 20 year old scraping through with a third in business studies - but you also validate your Dad in doing so.

Talking of parents. Sigh.
Had a nasty surprise this morning.

Mum had asked a friend of hers to sign my new passport documents.
I'm pushed to find someone who has known me for more than 2 years in a position of trust in the community.
It can't be any professional of my accquaintance here - too soon.
And the majority of people who've known me since childhood don't have suitable standing.

Mum's friend D refused.
According to her, my plan (hope, actually) to go to Amsterdam is proof I am not depressed.
If I was, I would not be able to make future plans.
Ditto me colouring my hair, because I only do it to draw attention to myself, and people with depression do not do that.
Ditto me losing weight, trying to get out and exercise every day, going to my OT pottery class.

On the flip side of everything I am fighting to do proving I am not depressed, I am apparently manipulating my Mum, every Health Care Professional that has seen me and the system.
I need to be re-evaluated, despite the fact I got my DLA assessment through this week - the same week Mum spoke to D.
Mum is far too soft on me and I am lying to her and taking advantage of her. If she laid down the law she would find the situation very different.

I only want to go to Amsterdam for drugs, drink and (I've no idea how this works) to get involved in prostitution. Oh, and how does she know? She was a qualified psychiatric nurse back in the early 80s. She quit because her son was in trouble with the Police and they indicated to her that this was because she was a working Mum. Turns out he was (and still is, obviously) schizophrenic. And she has not met me since I've been back here - she's had one 5 minute conversation with me by phone.

I'm really upset about all this.
Not least because my Mum saw fit to tell me, in the detail written above.

WHY?
Why spew out the hurtful things that a woman who believes roll-ons give you breast cancer?
Why tell your daughter who is trying and working hard to get back to a productive life that she is therefore denying she ever really had a problem?
Why not say to the damned woman with her ugly haircut that she should shut her cakehole and stop talking about things she doesn't understand?

I suspect because Mum wants to believe her.
I suspect because Mum has been dripping poison in her ear suggesting exactly the same thing - that if I can colour my hair why don't I have a job yet.
I suspect because Mum really wants me out and would love to practice some tough love - tough love being her parenting method of choice in most cases.

Once again, please do not think I don't fully appreciate what my parents have done for me.
They did not have to take me in.
I can understand why they would be aggrieved to do so at this late stage in their lives.
They do love me - yes I do know that.

But I'm hurt, upset and angry.
And for the record, I went into town today to make sure I had a card for my brother-in-law's birthday (on TUESDAY) because Mum was getting twitchy that I was making some sort of stand by not buying one. I guess that means I'm not depressed either.

Jesus, your mum's friend sounds like a total bitch.

Do not let this get to you honey. You dont have to prove your state of mind to this woman. You don't even need to prove it to your mum (shouldnt have to, but sometimes parents find it easier to think you're faking it than actually having mental health issues: bear in mind that for your mum, accepting that you're depressed may include an element of guilt and that may be something she doesnt want to deal with). You know you're dealing with depression. You know this is bullshit. We know this bullshit. Deep down, i suspect your mum probably knows this is bull shit.

*shakes head* oh honey. It's shit though. I know it is. Life's hard enough without having that piled onto your shoulders. Keep doing what you're doing, because you know what makes you feel better and more able to cope day to day. You're the only one who does.

Did you tell your mum her friend is talking shite btw?

Reminds me of code talking when little kids are in the room. :p



To SG.
What an incredibly hurtful thing. My heart wrenches over your words. I am so sorry this is happening. I wish there was someway I could make it better.

Sg - that woman, D, has a wad of shite stuck between her ears the size of Manhattan. Ugh, I can just imagine how this made you feel. Ok, you're not suicidal - that doesn't mean you're not depressed for crissakes OR in need of services. FWIW, nurses can be incredibly bitter people. Esp. psych nurses. I worked with them and knew I could very well become one of them and had to quit for my own sanity and well-being.

I do know how this feels, though. My mother went over to my neighbor's (the assbitch who put a camera on my house a while back) and got an earful of what a total bitch I am and how horrid, etc, etc, and my mother not only listened to this tripe she came back over to MY house to tell me what the dumb bitch had said about me. I told her I could NOT believe she'd listened to that spite and then come over to tell me, word for word, what the crazy fucking bitch had said (Me and crazy bitch have a looooong history. I won't go into it here). My father, who NEVER sticks up for me, ever, looked at my mom and said, "J, you have a big mouth," which shut her up.

When my mom does this sort of stupid fucking thing now I look at her and say,"have you had a stroke?"

just awful. It's really hard to believe our mothers would be this way, listen to this shit...and then repeat it for our benefit.

D is a fucking twit who is probably on more medication than you or I.

Can you tell your mum how hurt you are over this or is it best to leave it?
If I'd win the lotto, Cherry, things would be different in a lot of places.

:hugs:

Sleeping on it helped.
And Mum is being really nice to me - she knows how much it hurt.
I now suspect that she was hurt herself, and chose the wrong person to share it with. She probably worried that if she told anyone else, they might believe D's side of the story.

Anyway, today she has offered me a cup of tea, asked if there was anything I wanted or needed in town and has just shouted up to let me know she's put some bagels in the freezer and I'm to help myself.

I am a little withdrawn. It's my way of dealing with hurt. But I'm not sulking and I'm not trying to punish her. I think she was wrong in telling me, but I don't think it was malicious - that's the hurt talking.

So I'm going out for a walk after lunch, and I will invite her along.
She probably won't come (I kinda hope not, she slows me down!) but at least she will know I'm trying to behave normally.

That's brilliant Sundae. I'm really pleased and relieved to hear this.

You don't know anyone that could sign the papers and your Mum tried to help by getting the one person she's that could, to sign them. OK, that's a good thing.
But the woman refused, so the only way your mum could let you know she was trying to help, trying to do a good thing, was to tell you she refused.
But telling you that, might have caused you to ask the woman why and your Mum knowing what the woman would say, decided it would be better hearing it from her.

How am I doing so far?

Now, you have three "I suspects" in there that are really damning to/on/of your Mum. "Suspects" sounds to me like you'll trying to create a, in your mind, plausible scenario to explain what happened. You could be 100% correct, but keep in mind "suspects" don't make it so, only possible.

While they might be "aggrieved", they could be just worried. You don't get aggrieved when the cat pukes on your clean sheets (well, maybe a little :)) but you certainly get worried.

My possible scenario may be way out in left field, but without knowing for sure, it's possible. ;)

If you want to post it to me, I may be able to sign it for you. As long as we both do recorded delivery. I think a ward councillor might count even though I am not a professional. Worth checking out anyway.

And if when you;ve checked it turns out I can, then I promise promise promise not to be shit on posting it back.



[eta] Ach damn. Cancel that offer. I think it has to be someone who holds a current passport. I don't so, that's me out.

so far, nuthin'.

Why? what's upsetting you?

no-one is coming to my yard sale and it's about to rain on me :(

Awwww, monster...whatcha got? I need a small square coffee table.

Why does chloe have to get so fucking pissed and moody every single damn time i do a SINGLE thing that doesnt involve her? even when shes invited and ive been planning it for weeks? even when i fucking spent the night at her house the night before? why does she have to be a part of EVERYTHING I EVER DO? why is everything in the world my fault? and why am i so drunk/where did all my money go? fml man.

Because she's young. ;)

Dude, are you still partying for graduation?

Mum could quite easily have backed off telling me the why is so much detail. In fact she could just have said D doesn't let any of her family sign passports and left it at that. Or she could have left it at the fact that D thinks my reasons for going to Amsterdam are suspect. She really didn't have to go into the fact that D thinks I am faking depression and drag things like my hair colour and weight loss into it.

I backed off on the accusations I made, because as I said it was the hurt talking.
However I do get every day a comment about my hair. Or her wishing she could get me a volunteer job. Or asking whether I have heard from the council re housing. So I made unfair assumptions, but it didn't come completely out of left field.

Also this isn't a one-off. Throughout my life, Mum has seen fit to tell me negative things people said about me. Or add a negative spin to positive things. I know it's her brand of tough love, her way of keeping me in line so I have an easier life. But all it does is knock me back, affect my self esteem and upset me.

Which makes it harder to deal with rather than easier.
But as I'm an adult now I can express myself and vent my anger and hopefully bounce back quicker. That's why I appreciate this place so much.
I've checked the details and you can sign for me! Yay! Thanks hon.
I have to get the money together still - I'm in very early planning stage at present. But it helps to know there is another option.

Sure, you're obviously in the thick of it, and privy to much more than the snippets we hear. I just wanted to caution you not to assume nastiness that could possibly be explained by stupidity. ;)

I have to keep reminding myself, my mother grew up in a whole different world, shaped by my grandparents who might as well grown up on another planet.

Well, part of it is you're just getting older and finding out more of what has some of us geezers so jaded. :)

But, some people are just like this. When they're "in a relationship" (in whatever terms) they expect to do everything with their partner and vice versa. Depending on how cynical one is, one might think that she doesn't trust you and is trying to control/manipulate you and keep her eye on you at all times;

or one might think that she genuinely is so infatuated with you that she can't imagine WANTING to go do something without you... and if you want to go off without her, that means you must hate her or something.

(I'm deliberately not telling you what to actually do about it because, well, I don't have a clue. My solution was to a) not realize it was happening, then b) pretend it wasn't happening, and then finally c) to have it brought to such a ridiculous public confrontation that the only sensible thing for me to do was--literally--walk away.)

Well what a poopy yard sale. I had the most stuff ever, the best organized ever and hardly anyone came. It didn't even rain much after 9, but it was overcast and threatening all day. Last week was beautiful, but i was busy -the woman across the road had a sale and hardly had anything with clothes dumped in tubs and loads of punters came by. I did take $100 from dribs and drabs -I think the most expensive thing I sold was a kid's bike for $7. I did get rid of two worn out umbrella strollers with raincovers and a parasol that were taing up space. For $3 total. Ah well. We're contemplating leaving it virtually set up in the garage so i can drag it out one afternoon if the conditions are good, and going all American -leaving the cars on the drive and the crap in the garage :lol:

Welcome to adulthood...

That blows monster. Did you advertise at all?

With signs outside and at the entrance to the neighbothood the day before and during. Usually sufficient.

Ahem.

Oh and what Crimson Ghost said.

They're all crazy. Some are clingy-needy crazy and some are nasty-mean crazy. Take your pick. Or call Sheldon.

Grrrr...teach your children well. Not all women are needy. Ibby, she's just young and hasn't realized how annoying it is. Explain it to her. Nicely.

You're right of course. And it does help to question myself over highly emotional reactions.

And yes, Mum is very much a product of her times, her parents and her class. Class is still very important to Mum, and I think I shock her on a regular basis without ever intending to. So it looks like I'm making a statement, when in fact I'm trying to be myself.

What about quirky cute crazy? you crazy-ist you.

I'd probably turn her hair blue :P

sober now
problems okay again for now
shes not the only clingy one either
cause im almost as bad as her sometimes
...maybe not quite as often but
mneh.

i'm really just worried about her next year when i go off to college...

What are her plans, Ib? She's got another year where you are now, or she's going somewhere else?

work sucks :(

...and my heart just broke

Oh, wow! That really would be the case wih my dad!

Aaawww! What's wrong MTP?

Friend bein playfully-mean. I'm not in the mood today I guess.

Totally understand. I came in this morning to the joy of fixing someone elses screw up from Friday - do not mess with me. I will bite.

Yep, had quite a few of those too...actually thats kinda my job. Hmm...
Fixing other tech's screw ups (which there are plenty) really pisses me off.

I think we both need ice cream

or booze

No...ice cream and booze.

Vanilla w/ Kahlua? Chocolate w/ Grand Marnier? I'll meet you in Arizona in five hours?

My Monday was brightened by the discovery that a couple of our folks got their email accounts phished. As a result our mail server spewed a ton fo spam over the weekend and we got on a couple blacklists. Hurl.

Dickheads who want to hold meetings about every tiny thing that needs doing, while at the same time claiming it's not their job or mine so person C should be doing it .....until it's too late to get the required stuff done.

Fortunately i just went ahead and did it anyway without "permission" :lol:

Hell people, it's a backstroke swim meet, maybe we need to have some backstroke flags? so the swimmers don't hit the wall? Hmmm? Finding out how they went missing is not going to make their replacement any faster or alter the fact that they need replacing. before the meet. On Thursday. :smack:


:banghead:

Cancelling thousands of dollars in loans for a previous year (therefore, not my error) which I tried to save by contacting the students. There is no going back: it's done, finito, fini...dilly ding dang done.

But, I bet they get the letter telling them they owe the institution money, even though numerous contact attempts to get a new promissory note went unanswered.

I was able to save a few of them who responded. :(

ya did what you could do - its still their responsibility.

Oh that's shit Shawnee. It's not your fault, but I bet it still feels awful :(

I know, and, but, it sucks ass...what a shock to have come along? Every key stroke I'm thinking "awwww, fuck." The bad news part of my job is the suckiest, and something I still haven't gotten used to.

*shakes head* not a pleasant task by any measure.

Hang in there hon. :comfort:

Awww, thanks guys. :o

I still haven't finished that project as another project's priority suddenly grew and took on a life of its own. Never boring!

I'm so upset I'm eating a massive piece of chocolate cake with cream on it as I type this.

First of all, my MIL is a cow. I just have to say that, and soon you'll know why.

My brother as you may or may not know is a chiropractor. He specialises in rehab therapy and also does a lot of work with kids with various physical disabilities. That's just background so you'll understand why I take his word seriously. He and his wife baby sat for us last weekend for a few hours, and when we went to pick Max up, Don (brother) said that he's got some issues with his breathing which is possibly caused by (some long words) the brain not sending the right messages to his body. So anyway, today I went to his clinic where he works and he brought in one of his associates and they did a thorough work over on Max (who I might add took it all very well). Anyway, there's no definite diagnosis of course at this stage, but there are some therapies I need to do with Max in the short term, and then Don has recommended that if they don't make a significant difference over the next few months, he'll need to see a paediatric neurologist which leads me to the next part that's upsetting me.

Did you know that there is currently research being conducted about the flat spot lots of babies get on the backs of their heads because they're always laid on their backs? Apparently it's being linked to behavioural problems and a number of other physical issues. I have yet to look at the research, but I fully intend to do so. It makes a lot of sense. Apparently the flattening (it is suggested) causes some parts of the brain to 'malfunction'. So anyway, it has been suggested that Max spend a lot of his play time on his belly, and to get one of those sleeping things which keeps them on their side.

So basically, I'm going to be positive about all these things and do the therapies and see how we go. Just for now though, I'm upset about it all. I need time to process it.

Oh...about MIL. I told her about it all and she basically said I was an idiot.

Fuck her.

Oh and here's another thing. I was supposed to be going to my aunt's place for lunch on friday but I can't now because someone her son works with has whooping cough, so they've all been told to quaranteen themselves till further notice.

I'm not going to even say what I think about that!

Actually, this could also go in the what's pissing you off thread.

Our yard is infested with chiggers, which I forgot. So now I'm infested with chiggers.
:(
Our front porch, all along where the roof meets the wall (roof-line?) is infested with fire ants and 2 nests of yellow jackets. Which I have to try to spray pesticide on, while trying to keep from getting bit, or getting pesticide on myself, or breath it in. There will be a few spider causalities as well, I like spiders, but it can't be helped.

Friend died. Had a brain tumor which was found in late January. Malignant and inoperable.
He decides he can't take it and euthanizes himself with a mega dose of pain medication. I can't blame him, but his family is really upset. Left behind three kids. He was only 40 years old. May he rest in peace.

So sorry to hear that. Thoughts and prayers to the family.

So sorry, cap'n. A loss from suicide is so very hard to bear.

my pyscho neighbour accusing me of setting fire to her garbage bin...what she doesn't realise is I was sitting on the step having a smoke...busted her lighting it up herself...boy i wish i'd had a camera...now she's even more pyscho...why do i always end up with pyscho neighbours..hmmm:eek: