The Cellar - Is it over?

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- - Is it over? (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=11140)

anon, I feel for you and your pain, I really do. We can all tell you a hundred times that it will get better, but you won't really believe it until you are better. Then, you know what? You'll feel stronger. You'll be proud that you came out on the other side intact. You'll have a better sense of what you want in a relationship.

As to the depression, I think it's normal. If it gets worse and won't go away, or if you are having suicidal thoughts...please seek help. You might find that each day you feel a little bit better. Think about that each day. Ask yourself next week if you feel a little bit better than you did last week, etc.

Keep talking about it, I think it helps you.

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Originally Posted by anonymousfornow (Post 357487)

ok, i've made it to work 3 days in a row .......I wish I had something positive to report.

I'd say getting to work 3 days on the run is a positive report.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow (Post 357547)

It is hard because I do still love him.

Do you?

Really?

Why?

And if you can't answer why directly (and how many of us can?), how about what signs tell you that you love him?

How would you argue the point that it's love rather than lust/fear/wannabe-syndrome/relationship-addiction/whatever.....

(not intended as a criticism, more a catalyst to getting over him)

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow (Post 357547)

It is hard because I do still love him. I had set the stage for us to talk about anything and everything. Had he come to me with his problem we could of found a compromise, solution, outlet for that urge. I like to think I am calm, fair, intelligent, openminded and rational. I have a huge capacity for sharing, caring, forgiveness, problem solving. If he would of just come to me.....

Oh, you want to take all the fun out of it, for him, huh?

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Now he wishes that he would of. If he had to do it over again he would have.

Horseshit, you've already been down that road, remember?

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Does this have any bearing on the situation? If I position myself as one who can understand that people make mistakes, then aren't I doing the very thing I said that I wouldn't?

Still looking for an excuse to put yourself through this a third time? Is that preferable to facing the world? Do you really want to slip into the warm and fuzzy cocoon of denial, just to postpone being fucked over again?

Quote:

It might help to know that he is 6 yrs younger than I am and hasn't had the life experiences I have had.

Life experiences other than being screwed... twice? Other unsuccessful relationships? I think you deserve better than this shit, don't you?
Look, it will probably be a month before you feel any better. That's ten times the three days you made it to work. Even then you probably won't think it's any better, but you'll suddenly realize you're going for 4, 6 maybe 8 hours without thinking about it. And you'll have days you'll relapse and just want to stay in bed. Maybe even do that once or twice, especially around holidays, birthdays, special dates. But you'll get over that too.

Just stay away from him and stop looking for a way to excuse him or blame yourself. You can and will do this.... then live happily ever after.