this is a certainty. As I said, it was ending anyway, and I knew it... was even ready for it to be over ... but now I know why the sudden cessation of real communication. If this guy is grabbing her phone up and reading her texts, and feels comfortable calling me from it and speaking for her.... yeah.. she's in the shit there. She's not a weak person, I doubt she'll tolerate that very long. I hope she enjoys it as long as it lasts. And if they go the distance, then that's great too. She deserves to be happy. She's had a lot of bad shit happen in her life.

I'm happier for now just being me. I have no time for drama, nor the energy for it.

I've actually had a few civil conversations with shelb via text in the last few days, and I'm feeling hopeful there....

It seems like I am being taught that I need to remember to see things from other people's perspective. It can only help me make better decisions, I guess?

Sorry to hear all that....

It's the stuff of life, though, innit. It's discomfort to get stronger on the other side.

But how great to see it for what it is, because goddammit you're not 22 any more. They say "if I only knew then what I know now" but the great thing is, it is now, and you know what you know now, which is awesome.

If that makes any sense

it does.

You learn. just like the song.

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

...you think a person is one thing, and then you find out they're another... or maybe both things... and the only real way to tell is by what they do. Not by what they tell you they're feeling or the things they say when things are easy. This person was clearly not who I thought she was. Should have seen that coming. There were clues. Still, I think it would have just petered out on it's own, but this new ingredient in the soup caused her to act in the way she did. It may have been more tortuous and damaging had it died slowly.

This was like ripping a band aid off. OUCH! and then... oh, ok...

Funnily enough, my favourite line in that song is
The firetrucks are coming up around the bend

Back when it felt I was only holding myself together through sheer bloody-mindedness, I would sing You Learn under my breath, stood outside Leyton Tube station waiting for the bus. And that line used to make me feel better, because in my mind it spoke of death and destruction elsewhere. Dodging a bullet. I'm sure it's not the real meaning...

Now it just makes me think of the evil child in front of the burning house pic.
And that's worth a grin.

My friends...Mr and Mrs Bickerson, and their neighbors...Mouthy McKnowalot and his darling mother...are moving to a town about a half hour from me.

It's good for them. In some ways it's good for me too. I really spend too much time over there (girl gets lonely at home alone all the time) and it's awfully easy to just drop over anytime.

But I'll miss their proximity. We have a lot of fun, playing games, drinking beers, talking and laughing.

Of course I'll be able to visit, but since they won't live right up the street from me anymore those visits will mostly be overnights on a weekend.

So I was telling my friends about posting about them here online, and that of course I hid their names to protect the innocent. "What were our names?" they asked.

Heheheee...these are the awesome kinds of friends I have. We know who we are and we don't mind a gentle ribbing about any of our personality traits. Mr Bickerson thought I said "Dickerson" to which Mrs Bickerson replied "No, Bickerson, because we bicker so much!" She wants an engraved wooden sign for their new place.

Mouthy McKnowalot loved his name even better. He said "I have a mouth, and I know how to use it! And I do know a lot!" :)

"lovely mother" was impressed that she was the only one without a kidding name.

They are moving this week. I'm going to miss them.

Bummer. Sorry, dude.

Thanks, man. It's the end of a crazy era, that's for sure. :)

Closed window, opened door and all that. You'll make new friends. Maybe mr right will move into their pad.

Mouthy wanted to be Mr Right, but he was totally wrong...for me. ;)

Just be sure Mr. Right's first name isn't 'Always.'

Man... first, I found out they cancelled my favorite afternoon talk/comedy show on the radio. I am genuinely sad at the thought that these two guys will have to pack up and move to a new city in order to find work.

And then, I read that Andy Whitfield (star of the HBO series Spartacus) is dead of lymphoma at 39. Nevermind that the series won't be the same without him, he was way too young to go.

The empathy is getting to me today.

Oh my god.

Dude called me at work today, out of the blue. Seems she's moving into his house, and he wanted to return the belongings of mine that were left behind at her place ....ostensibly.... also, we talked for a time about how i should stay away from her, and not try to 'step on his girl' ... i kept saying... yeah, ok... no problem... I don't want her...haven't tried to contact her since that text weeks ago when you called and motherfucked me...but stop sounding like you're threatening me because I'm not scared....and, again, i don't want her back anyway.

Seems his ex wife cheated on him, and if he thought I was trying to get with her again, he was going to become hostile. he knows himself and that's just how he is. I guess he didn't notice it when our phone system told him he was calling in on a recorded line. I assured him that he has more to worry about with the guys she works with, and he could just leave my stuff at her neighbor's place for me. He said she knew he was going to call me about the dvd's and stuff, but I wonder how she'd react to hearing a recording of that conversation.

I think I'll just file it away and try to forget it. birds of a crazy feather.....

cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo