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Clodfobble 04-08-2009 03:45 PM
Quote:
said police spokesman Heinz Hussy.
Really? Really.

Trilby 04-08-2009 03:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clodfobble (Post 554171)
Really? Really.
My grandfather was named Heinz Hussey you insensitive wench!

classicman 04-08-2009 04:38 PM
Was he killed on 9/11.....

Crimson Ghost 04-10-2009 12:57 AM
Or fall out of a guard tower?

classicman 04-14-2009 11:10 PM
Quote:
An amorous motorist faces a fine and a driving ban after he was caught having sex with his girlfriend while speeding on a highway, Norwegian media reported Tuesday.

Police spotted the car driving erratically on Sunday evening in Lier, southeastern Norway. It had been doing 123km/h in a 100 km/h zone, local news Web site ABC Nyheter reported.

The officers quickly realized the driver was doing more than just breaking the speed limit.

After filming the incident for evidence, they finally pulled the car over.

Police officer Tor Stein Hagen told ABC Nyheter that the driver had the woman "on his lap" while the car was moving.

"It was creating a various dangerous situation," Hagen added.

After charging the driver, police allowed the 21-year-old woman to switch seats and drive her lover home.

Kingswood 04-15-2009 02:59 AM
Money in bra saves woman's life
Quote:
Money stuffed in a woman's bra saved her life after she was shot aboard a bus in the north-eastern Brazilian state of Bahia, local media reported this morning.

sweetwater 04-15-2009 09:49 AM
Quote:
Russian scientists say that Moscow stray dogs became much smarter. The four legged oldest human’s friends demonstrate real smartness such as riding the Moscow metro every morning to get from their suburban places of living to the fat regions of Moscow center. Once they arrive to the downtown they demonstrate different new, previously unseen for the dog skills. Those skills can include “the hunt for shawarma” for example, the popular among Muscovites eastern cuisine dish.
from EnglishRussia

Queen of the Ryche 04-15-2009 11:25 AM
Man Accidentally Swallows Scissors
 
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/PainMan...=2&start=false

classicman 04-20-2009 01:12 PM
SLUMDOG' SHOCK
 
DAD TRIES TO 'SELL' 9-YEAR-OLD ACTRESS

Quote:
The father of an adorable "Slumdog Millionaire" star allegedly offered to sell the young girl for nearly $300,000, claiming his impoverished family "got nothing" from the Oscar-winning flick, according to a published report.

PHOTOS: Rubina Ali

Word of the alleged child-selling scheme prompted an ugly confrontation outside the home of 9-year-old actress Rubina Ali yesterday as the girl's natural mom slugged it out with the stepmother, according to The Times of London.

Rubina's biological mom, Kursheed, confronted Rubina's dad, Rafiq Qureshi, and his second wife after a report in The News of the World claimed the little girl was on the block for 200,000 pounds, which is roughly $296,000.

Kursheed demanded Rubina be removed from the house, leading to a fist-throwing brawl between Qureshi's former and current wives.

Rubina was allegedly being hawked in talks between Qureshi and men posing as reps for a Middle Eastern sheik. The men were, in fact, reporters for The News of the World.

The asking price was four times what the fake Arab dignitary originally had offered. "We've got nothing out of this film!" Qureshi declared.

The hard-bargaining dad's brother, Mohiuddin, allegedly chimed in, saying: "This is not an ordinary child. This is an Oscar child."

In the international blockbuster movie, Rubina plays a young Latika, the romantic interest of title character and game-show contestant Jamal.

The alleged plan to sell Rubina was reportedly prompted by a legitimate inquiry from a Middle Eastern family that wanted to adopt her.

But once the girl's family realized there was interest, they launched a callous auction, looking for the highest bidder, according to The News of the World.

It wasn't immediately clear what criminal charges, if any, family members might face.

Qureshi denied he was trying to sell Rubina but had no further comment, the Times said.

Pie 04-20-2009 01:20 PM
Shock? No. Entirely believable.

glatt 04-20-2009 01:55 PM
1 Attachment(s)
Well, she is a cute kid. It's a bargain. Does the Oscar come with her?

Crimson Ghost 04-22-2009 01:07 AM
$300,000 for a nine year old who's an Oscar winner?

Madonna can't get a deal that sweet.

Stock up now, before they run out.

They can only increase in value.

TheMercenary 05-02-2009 12:47 PM
"Sir, are you hiding a monkey in your closet?"

Police: Couple Ticketed For Hiding Monkey In Closet

http://www.kcci.com/news/19346155/detail.html

Crimson Ghost 05-03-2009 01:33 PM
1 Attachment(s)
Monday monkey lives for the weekend.

ZenGum 05-05-2009 12:11 AM
Quote:
No butts: Officials to smoke or be fined
Officials in a county in central China have been told to smoke nearly a quarter of a million packs of locally made cigarettes annually or risk being fined, state media reports.

The Gong'an county government in Hubei province has ordered its staff to puff their way through 230,000 packs of Hubei-produced cigarette brands a year, the Global Times said.

Departments that fail to meet their targets will be fined, the report said.

"The regulation will boost the local economy via the cigarette tax," said Chen Nianzu, a member of the Gong'an cigarette market supervision team, according to the paper.

The measure could also be a ploy to aid local cigarette brands such as Huanghelou, which are under severe pressure from competitors in neighbouring Hunan province, according to the paper.

China has 350 million smokers, of whom a million die of smoking-related diseases every year.

More than half of all male doctors in China smoke, but the Government is now trying harder to get them to kick the habit in order to set an example for others.

-AFP
From AFP, via ABC.

Shawnee123 05-08-2009 02:13 PM
A word of advice
 
If you're appearing in court to be arraigned on a traffic violation, LEAVE YOUR WEED AT HOME:

Quote:
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y., May 7 (UPI) -- Authorities in New York state said a man searching his pockets for a summons in a courtroom dropped a bag of marijuana onto an officer's shoe.

Nassau County District Attorney spokesman Eric Phillips said Desmond Kelly, 28, was being arraigned at First District Court in Hempstead, N.Y., on a motor vehicle violation when the judge asked Kelley if he had the original traffic ticket, the New York Post reported Thursday.

Phillips said Kelly "reached into his pocket and took out the ticket. At that time, a small bag of marijuana fell out and landed on top of the shoe of a court officer."

The spokesman said the officer shouted "'You're under arrest!' and the audience in court gasped."

Kelly was immediately arraigned on the drug possession charge.


http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/05/...7781241724241/

:fumette:

Trilby 05-08-2009 02:32 PM
Hey, could happen to anyone.

classicman 05-08-2009 02:36 PM
Well it was Hempstead.

Shawnee123 05-08-2009 02:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna (Post 563917)
Hey, could happen to anyone.
I know, almost feel badly for him. ;)

Quote:
Originally Posted by classicman (Post 563918)
Well it was Hempstead.
:p

Tiki 05-08-2009 04:39 PM
This is funny: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8034027.stm

Quote:
Eco-sailors rescued by oil tanker

An expedition team which set sail from Plymouth on a 5,000-mile carbon emission-free trip to Greenland have been rescued by an oil tanker.

Raoul Surcouf, Richard Spink and skipper Ben Stoddart sent a mayday because they feared for their safety amid winds of 68mph (109km/h).

All three are reportedly exhausted but safe on board the Overseas Yellowstone.

Razzmatazz13 05-11-2009 10:48 PM
This guy seems legit:
http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=6412895

Quote:
Neighbors concerned about strange van
May 7th, 2009 @ 6:03pm
By Sam Penrod

PROVO -- Provo police are investigating a bizarre incident this week: a van parked in a residential neighborhood with a sign on it, reading: "free candy inside."

It turns out, police believe the sign was harmless. But for neighbors who live in Provo's Grandview neighborhood, it raised serious concerns with them that a child predator could be targeting kids on the street.

The white van was parked on a neighborhood street in front of a home. No one on the street knew who the van belonged to, and the neighbors were worried about the sign posted in the back window.

Adults looked inside and did not see any candy, but they did see a mattress and some clothes in the back of the van. Police were called to investigate.

Officers tracked down the van's owner, who is a college age student. He told officers he put up the sign a few days ago as part of a prank with his friends.

Police credit the neighbors for watching out for their neighborhood. "With this sign possibly enticing children to a van, your worst case scenarios come to mind. So, it was good, a good example of someone in a neighborhood watching out, not only for his own family, but the whole neighborhood," said Capt. Cliff Argyle, spokesman for the Provo Police Department.

Officers say the man was very cooperative with investigators and was actually embarrassed by what happened, so much so he drove to the police station to show officers the sign was down.

The man is apparently staying with some relatives within walking distance of the neighborhood where the van was parked and at times lives in the van.

Police say, if nothing else, this situation is a good reminder for parents to talk to their children about stranger danger.

classicman 05-12-2009 09:25 AM
Waterboard him. He is obviously lying!

xoxoxoBruce 05-15-2009 01:11 AM
There was a story in the paper about a retired guy on Long Island that had put his entire $700,000 nest egg in GM corporate bonds. He also convinced his sons and brother to put all their money in GM corporate bonds. All of which are now virtually worthless.

Before he retired he was a Retirement Benefits Counselor.

ZenGum 05-19-2009 07:36 AM
Quote:
Students from schools and colleges in Japan shut down over fears of swine flu have been flocking to karaoke clubs to fill their new-found free time.

The students were told on Monday they should stay at home if possible, but some club managers said they were busy as soon as the closures were announced.

TheMercenary 05-19-2009 11:49 PM
Added to the list of things that make you go, "Hmmmmmmm......"

Germany denies Most Evil patent ever

http://rawstory.com/blog/2009/05/ger...l-patent-ever/

xoxoxoBruce 05-20-2009 12:12 AM
I'm glad they refused the patent, now we can use it for free. :haha:

Crimson Ghost 05-20-2009 11:33 PM
Hmmm....
No comment...

TheMercenary 05-28-2009 09:43 PM
Praying mantis caught on camera eating a hummingbird

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wil...mmingbird.html

ZenGum 06-02-2009 06:27 AM
New Zealand Digest
 
All this, from here.

Quote:
Weird and wonderful is the only way to describe many of the stories which came out of New Zealand this past week.

By now most people have heard about the service station owners from the North Island city of Rotorua, who skipped town after Westpac accidentally put $10 million in their bank account.

They are still hiding out somewhere in Asia.

[Also, one in-law was able to visit them for a while but was ditched after posting details of her location ON HER FACEBOOK PAGE :smack: and one thing they aren't explaining is how the couple got $5,000,000 or so out of the account and out of the country. Zengum]

But New Zealand police managed to catch up with Billy the Hunted One.

South Island man William Stewart had been playing a cat and mouse game with police for 100 days and became a bit famous in the process.

Despite a string of violence and drug convictions, Billy the Hunted One - as he likes to be known - was being written up as a "national hero" in some newspapers.

When he was being chased by police, he would bamboozle them by pulling off the road and turning off his headlights.

He also gave hitch-hikers rides in his stolen vehicles and scratched thank-you notes into kitchen tables with a knife when he stole food from farmhouses.

One female journalist appeared to have developed a slight crush on the long-haired fugitive.

In her stories she likened him to a "dishevelled version of American crooner Michael Bolton".

But Billy was bad - his luck ran out when he tried to steal a farmer's quad bike in the middle of the night.


As the week wore on, the stories got even stranger.

A motor vehicle company in New Zealand announced it was giving away a free goat with every ute sold.

Its public relations man was quoted in the papers as saying, with sheep numbers in decline in New Zealand, it was time to "float the goat".

He talked up their weed-eating abilities and also guaranteed there was zero risk of getting goat flu.

Then, police revealed thieves had broken into a wine shop just down the road from the ABC's office in central Auckland.

Local robberies do not usually raise an eyebrow, but this was no ordinary break-and-enter.

The bandits stole alcohol worth $250,000.

They pinched rare pinot noir, very costly cognac and a bottle of Dom Perignon, which was plated in gold and worth $14,000.

Police believe it was a robbery to order and the bottles have probably already hit the black market.

On the subject of beverages, a New Zealand woman came forward with her story of how she lost 45 kilograms in eight months.

She revealed she had done it by drinking nothing but the energy drink Red Bull.

Brooke Robertson says she downed about 10 cans a day. If she was desperate for some solids she scoffed a handful of cereal.

She hid her addiction from her family until she had a minor heart attack. She now suffers from anxiety and has a permanent heart murmur.

and not one :sheep: incident amongst them.

skysidhe 06-02-2009 09:16 AM
Good ones Zen.
Pinot Noir! yum




Talking about invasive species.

I saw a short blurb somewhere. It was probably in the weekends paper. Someone's book and how that humans are sited as an invasive species on Galapagos.

Crimson Ghost 06-02-2009 11:41 PM
10 cans of Red Bull a day?

Shit, you could take her pulse from across the room.

ZenGum 06-03-2009 05:11 AM
This was years ago, but I found the link in an old email so I thought I should post it here, just in case we haven't seen it.

Quote:
Dwarf gets penis stuck to vacuum cleaner

Posted Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:00am AEST

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh Fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or 'Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf', was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E [accident and emergency ward] with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

So there you are in Glasgae, you've had a few too many, gotten into a fight with a lamp-post, and are waiting in A&E for the X-rays, and through your whiskey-haze you notice the guy on the seat across from you is a dwarf in a devil costume with a vacuum cleaner stuck to his wang. ... "Nurse? I think you may have overdosed my pain-killers"...

Crimson Ghost 06-04-2009 12:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenGum (Post 570390)
So there you are in Glasgae, you've had a few too many, gotten into a fight with a lamp-post, and are waiting in A&E for the X-rays, and through your whiskey-haze you notice the guy on the seat across from you is a dwarf in a devil costume with a vacuum cleaner stuck to his wang. ... "Nurse? I think you may have overdosed my pain-killers"...
Starring Valerie Bertinelli, next on Lifetime™...

dar512 06-04-2009 10:56 AM
Eyebrow shaver considered a weapon.

WTF?

and also WTF is an eyebrow shaver?

Shawnee123 06-04-2009 10:58 AM
Good question. Must be for uni-brows.

xoxoxoBruce 06-04-2009 11:12 AM
Quote:
The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported one school board member cut her finger on the device at a private meeting Tuesday and required stitches.
Guess it's not school-board-member safe. :rolleyes:

classicman 06-04-2009 11:37 AM
I cannot imagine how she (school board member) could cut herself on one of those. They barely cut your hair..... or so I'm told :eyebrow:

xoxoxoBruce 06-04-2009 11:40 AM
Probably took it apart. Not recommended for children under 3, or school board members. ;)

classicman 06-05-2009 01:05 PM
5 cops on paid leave after 1 flushes fetus

Quote:
MESA, Ariz. - Police in Arizona say five officers have been placed on paid leave after one allegedly flushed a fetus down a toilet.

Mesa Police Chief George Gascon (gas-KOHN') says four officers responding to a call about a possible miscarriage at a motel on Monday discovered a woman who apparently lost a fetus estimated to be 12 to 14 weeks old.

Gascon says an officer who wasn't at the motel instructed the four over the phone to flush the 4-inch fetus down the toilet rather than take it to a hospital.

A supervisor who was reading incident reports came across details about the disposal of the fetus and shared them with a superior.

Gascon says all five officers were placed on paid administrative leave pending an internal investigation.

He says police plan to forward the case to the Maricopa County Attorney's Office to see if prosecutors recommend charges.

glatt 06-05-2009 01:12 PM
"well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Flint 06-05-2009 01:16 PM
I say the mother was a hooker that one of the cops got pregnant.

classicman 06-05-2009 01:22 PM
Ooooh Flint - thats good - very good.

Damn you got a devious mind.

Crimson Ghost 06-05-2009 01:47 PM
That's some good police work there, Lou.

Shawnee123 06-05-2009 01:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flint (Post 571106)
I say the mother was a hooker that one of the cops got pregnant.
Better if:
I say the mother was a hooker that one of the cops got pregnant. Looks like the birth of a new investigation. (Looks sideways and takes sunglasses off a la Horatio Caine.)

skysidhe 06-07-2009 02:53 PM
STRAY dogs are commuting to and from a city centre on underground trains in search of food scraps.



http://classics.tumblr.com/post/96579206

or

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...cle2372125.ece

I am not sure if I am believing these are wild dogs.

capnhowdy 06-08-2009 07:20 AM
** sigh **

...it's a dogs life.......

ZenGum 06-08-2009 08:37 AM
O....M....F...G!!!!!


Quote:
A MADCAP prankster has smashed the world record for transporting maggots — after carrying 17kg in his MOUTH.

Charlie Bell moved two square foot of live maggots in one hour using only his chops.

The-35-year-old, from Leyton, East London, admitted: "It was disgusting."

[No shit, Sherlock! ZG I have faded out the rest of the text because it is so disgusting. Highlight at your peril for his descriptions :vomit:]

"I had been practising at home with rice for months but until that day I'd never had a mouth full of maggots.

"I've handled them a bit on fishing trips but this was a whole new level.

"I didn't realise that they would smell so revolting. They do their business in the tubs and so they stink of ammonia. It was like putting my head down a filthy public toilet."

The former steel fixer, who has a YouTube site where he performs other stomach churning pranks, revealed: "I was gagging and heaving violently but I was determined to do it.

"I was getting bits of their innards caught in my teeth and gums and my face got very sore. I must have swallowed loads of them but I managed not to be sick."

He added: "At one point I thought I couldn't go on but somehow I did it."

Here is the link, but I'm warning you, there are pictures. :vomitblu:

Crimson Ghost 06-08-2009 11:23 AM
Still tastes better than my mother-in-laws cooking.....

TheMercenary 06-08-2009 05:26 PM
What the hell?

Autopsy determines baby was cut from pregnant woman

http://www.oregonlive.com/washington...by_was_cu.html

capnhowdy 06-08-2009 09:19 PM
Now that is truly fuckin weird. Fucrissakes.

classicman 06-10-2009 11:23 AM
JERUSALEM (CNN) -- It was supposed to be a pleasant surprise, but turned into the shock of a lifetime.
A woman in Tel Aviv, Israel, gave her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise gift, throwing out the old tattered bed her mother had slept on for decades. The gesture ended up bankrupting Annat's mother, who had stuffed her savings of nearly $1 million inside her old bed for decades, Annat told Israel Army Radio.

A massive search is under way at the city dump, where security has been beefed up to keep out treasure-seekers who have heard Annat's story in Israeli media.

Annat, who did not want to reveal the rest of her name, told Israel Army Radio that she woke up early Sunday to get a good deal on a new mattress as a surprise for her mother.

She fell asleep that night, exhausted after lugging up the new mattress and hauling down the old one to be taken out with the trash.

When her mother realized the next day what her daughter had done, she told her that she had been using the mattress to stash away her life savings and had nearly $1 million padding the inside of the worn-out mattress.

Annat ran downstairs, but it was too late. The garbage truck had already taken away the money-stuffed mattress.

Annat alerted the two major dump sites in the Israeli city in an effort to locate the bed, but so far she has had no luck. Yitchak Burba, one of the dump site managers, told Army Radio that he and his men are working relentlessly to try to help Annat find the million-dollar mattress among the tons of garbage at the landfill.

The publicity has triggered a wave of people also trying to find the mattress and its contents for themselves. Burba has increased security around the dump to keep them out.

Annat told Army Radio that when her mother realized her queen-sized bank had been tossed, she told her to "'leave it.'"

"'The heart is crying but you know we could have been in a car accident or had a terminal disease,'" Annat said her mother told her.

"It's a very, very sad story but I've been through worse," she told Army Radio. "It's a matter of proportions in life ... people need to know how to accept the good and the bad in life."

Pie 06-10-2009 03:44 PM
Life imitates Spongebob.

TheMercenary 06-10-2009 08:40 PM
I love Spongebob.

TheMercenary 06-10-2009 08:44 PM
Are ya ready kids?
Aye Aye Captain!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
AYE AYE CAPTAIN!
ohhhhhh!!!!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Absorbant and yellow and poreous is he
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
His nautical nonsense be somethin you wish
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Ready?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEYBOB SQUAREPAAAANTS

skysidhe 06-11-2009 09:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by capnhowdy (Post 571652)
** sigh **

...it's a dogs life.......
Yes a kooshy story and I thought I was being all 'weird' reporter.

Revolting stories like a couple of the ones after this make me absolutely woozy Esp...before breakfast.
3_eyes:

I must be so tame/lame whatever. So be it.

Queen of the Ryche 06-11-2009 10:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenGum (Post 570390)
This was years ago, but I found the link in an old email so I thought I should post it here, just in case we haven't seen it.




So there you are in Glasgae, you've had a few too many, gotten into a fight with a lamp-post, and are waiting in A&E for the X-rays, and through your whiskey-haze you notice the guy on the seat across from you is a dwarf in a devil costume with a vacuum cleaner stuck to his wang. ... "Nurse? I think you may have overdosed my pain-killers"...
Holy hell. Diet Dr Pepper really really hurts coming out ones nose. New keyboard please.

Carry on.

TheMercenary 06-11-2009 10:52 AM
They had way to much French wine....

http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/...cle6478542.ece

capnhowdy 06-12-2009 06:44 PM
14 Yr old boy gets hit by meteorite..:eek:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/200906...hitbymeteorite

BTW space rocks are classified by our Military. I didn't know that.:eyebrow:

morethanpretty 06-14-2009 11:31 AM
I don't know about you, but I always carry a crossbow when I go 'shroom hunting. I think its more sport that way.

Quote:
A 19-year-old Manatee County man was arrested Friday after he was found in a cow pasture collecting psychedelic mushrooms while carrying a crossbow, the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office said.
...
Moore was found holding a small crossbow and sling shot. He told deputies that the weapons were for protection in case the cows in the pasture came at him.
Link

ZenGum 06-16-2009 08:44 AM
From here.

Quote:
ROME — Italian authorities say they have arrested two Japanese men who allegedly tried to bring $134 billion (C96 billion) worth of undeclared U.S. bonds into Switzerland.

Anti-fraud police in Como, near the Swiss border, said Monday the men hid the bonds in the bottom of a suitcase. They were caught in Chiasso's train station June 3 after an inspection.

Police said the two suspects were carrying a total of 259 bonds, including 10 with a value of $1 billion (C721 million) each and 249 with a value of $500 million (C357 million).

Police said they were checking whether the bonds are authentic. If they are found to be real, the two men could face a fine of C38 billion ($53 billion).


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