i know. i just don't get how someone can make the choices she has, and do the deeds she's done and not feel guilt. remorse. sorrow.

i just don't understand how someone can take a 180 degree shift in priorities and personality so quickly.

i guess the problem is the same problem i've always had. i believe there is an answer for everything.

One wrong turn can lead the what she knows is the wrong way, with the right support group telling her she's doing the right thing. A support group that knows nothing except they want to be supportive. (girlfriends) :eyebrow:

Mental problems aren't logical. At all. Nor do they mean all the normal feelings / thought patterns are there.

Bruce, you have girly support issues.

sadly enough what he said holds water in this case.

That's because I've seen so many of them make a bad situation a disaster. :rolleyes:

the not quite ex used this week to fine tune her cruelty skills. she had a breakdown regarding her ability to be a good mothera few nights ago. at the time i went to her aid in the interest of my son who deserves to have a somewhat healthy mother.

the evening turned into a veiled "it can't work between us, can it?" session. she knows she still owns my heart, and i'm well aware of it. i used what restraint i possess but was truthful. i told her that i didn't know if anything could ever work between us at this point because of what has passed, but i do love her. i explained that in order to pursue that train of thought would require her to cut ties with some people and actually fess up to something that have been denied up to this point. she was receptive.

i was well aware that it wouldn't happen. i'm not delusional. my requirements for even starting down that path are pretty... aggressive.

even so, she was able to break what was left of my heart open on the rocks and smear the the pitiful remnants into a wonderful sign that simply read, "HAHA"

bitch. every foul name you can think of for a person. except i still love who she can be. the person she rejects.

whatever.

It sounds like she used the only control technique that she knows for sure is available to her.

Been there, and shes still doing that. Rather she's still trying to do that. Once the realization that their control; over us is diminishing, they step up their efforts to exert as much pain and turmoil as possible upon us. You are a few months behind me in this insanity, so keep a sharp eye on her "motives" as there is a reason for her actions. Many times my "soon to be ex" has suddenly become sweet as pie in an attempt to get something from me - either financially or help with the kids, house, whatever. Perhaps its just because they can't lose their control over us. I dunno? I do know this though, once I stopped responding, she got even more cruel and hurtful. Then the shit passes and I feel a little better. Thats it! I feel a little better every time I say - NO! I won't be your lapdog anymore. And its a wonderful thing.

Document this kind of thing. It may ultimately be of use to your attorney.

Obvuiously somebody needs a Benign Girl.

http://fridgequeen.com/newsletters/627_benigngirl.jpg

women can be totally vicious when compelled. this may be her way at getting back for not getting everything she wanted (custody, $, everything).

Its a personality type more than a gender thing, I think. I've gone through the same kind of nightmare with a man on the dishing out end. Yeah, they love the control factor and they love smashing our hearts and souls to smithereens. The best thing I ever did was to vanish into the sunset 400 miles away from my ex. He has no idea where I am and he'll never find out if I can help it. What a relief! I know vanishing isn't an option with lil' Lookout in the picture, but try to emotionally vanish. You'll be the better off for it, believe me.

wow. expecting to be able to sign divorce papers this week and begin to put this all behind me. now i hear through the grapevine that the not-quite-ex is pregnant.

ouch.

pass me a beer. and the one behind it.

Is there no end to this madness?

You don't need a beer you need erasing.

Yikes.

Oh man...

From what you've said, this does not sound like a woman who needs to be reproducing just now.

Sorry, man. This must hurt like hell.

I'm sorry, lookout. At least you heard through the grapevine and not because she came to you asking for help/emotional support/money/more divorce concessions...

Is she naming you as the father? Is there even a possibility that she could? (yes, I could read back over the prior 30 pages and do some math on my own)

Don't admit paternity until there is a confirmatory test. In some jurisdictions, even when DNA testing shows that the named father on the birth certificate is not the father, that man remains financially responsible for the child.

In some jurisfictions, being married to the woman is de facto paternity even if there is no name on the certificate, even if later tests prove it is not the husband's. Do you know who the father supposedly is?

i am definitely not the father. (if this is true) the math would be off by more than 6 weeks. i would assume that the father is the "friend" who isn't a boyfriend. but he has been conspicuously absent for several weeks now.

i can't come out and ask her about it yet, because the person who told me really shouldn't have opened their mouth... but i'm not going to betray her trust, especially considering i may need her insider's info sometime in the future.

Should have gone to Don Corleone, straight away. :(

Think there's a chance she's not really pregnant? Wouldn't that be great?

shit

snakes DO breed !!

your poor son, he will be so confused by this, as if he isnt going through enough right now.

i guess in a way though lookout; this is kind of a tie breaker for you.. not that everything else hasnt been.. but this is it. no turning back now; for either of you.

OMG Lookout - that totally sux! Talk to your lawyer, if you haven't already, and see what you can do to protect you & lil lookout legally and financially. This "woman" is absolutely crazy! I am so sorry.

Oh man... that is awful. I have been following this from the beginning, but I just never could bring myself to post. After all, I have never been married or had kids so it is hard for me to understand. But I can see how that would hurt and make things really difficult. For the sake of you and lil lookout, I hope this isn't true. But if it is, I am so sorry for you two and I wish you all the best. Many good vibes are coming your way from here in Kansas. :(

Lookout - long time no hear/here??? Whats goin on?

I second that....been wondering here too.....hope everything's going well for you......

Did you just tune into this thread? :p

I'm late in but from what I've been reading your "ex" seems to have had an affair or more to the point many affairs. It’s no slight on you but my guess is it was her guilt that brought about the divorce.

One thing regarding your divorce papers; if it’s still possible put in writing that she can't move more than 50 miles from you. This will keep here from moving across country with your boy.

Part-time fathering sucks period. Quality time isn't planed it just happens, but you'll make the best of the situation, I'm sure.

It’s always the way when one person starts to break away the other tries to hold on tighter and the conflict only intensifies. Once you "turn" and accept it and moved on she will come a knocking. They always come back, but your can never change the stripes on a Zebra. Never take her back.

Look at yourself and learn from your choices in women. I know from experience that some of what broke your marriage up existed before you where married and you saw it. But, like most people in love you become blinded.

Read up on being a divorced dad. There are lots of recourses. Try and get that 50 mile limitation.

To be totally honest, I would look outside the USA for any future bride. American women are a totally different breed of female. I think your be pleasantly surprised by some of the women you can meet in Brazil, Russia, or Asia. They tend to hold more traditional qualities and are educated and independent.

aha. it's all suddenly very clear to me

Yeah....that was stupid! But I do hope things are going "as well as possible" under the circumstances...ok I'll shut up now....just check in with us Lookout....we do wonder about ya!

Why does no one listen to me? I KNOW from people. I knew loverboy here was a creep from post one. Creep, creep, creepy creep-creep.

If you need to hear this for the sake of fairness Bri, I completely agree with you here.

Thank you. Engineer's cannot be all bad! :) after all, my papa was an engineer.

Mail order brides are 'traditionally' uneducated, but that's definitely no reflection on their intelligence or ability to be as cunning as a cut snake to get what they want. These women come from third world conditions (in general) and are looking for a way out. They know what you want, so that's what you get. In return they get a lifestyle most of their family and friends will only dream about.

Oh yeah, and once you've taken them home, then you have to start sending money back for their poor mother.

what's wrong with engineers? I, for one, have avoided acceptance into the pocket protector clan. we're fun once you get to know us:)

I totally resent that Brianna. I was born a poor, asian, mail order bride...

Oh my!! to quote bmw - "your can never change the stripes on a Zebra." and this one has shown his.

I will never doubt you again.

Again meritless retorts that’s shows your prejudices and ignorances than useful insights. Calling nearly three BILLION women in the world uneducated, poor, and desperate is stunningly ignorant and has me questioning the intelligence level of you so called "high-minded" posters. On the one hand you call me a women hater then disparage 3 billion women; you tell me how to reconcile that.

"Mail order” when has that expression ever been used in this century. They have a thing called airplanes now. Your criticism about expanding your prospects is a case of bigotry and ignorance and you have nobody to blame but yourself for your failures. I never said to go trolling through third world slums, SO DON”T PUT WORDS OR IMPLICATIONS IN MY MOUTH…PUNKS!

Millions of Russian, Ukrainian and eastern european women have advanced degrees, as do women from China and other east Asian countries like India. Even Japan has been a great place to meet nice and tradtional minded women. Latin America has 10s of millions of college educated English speaking women that want to meet men from the USA. Even western european women offer far more traditional values for men than the so-called "liberated" american women.

Keep coming out to disparage me so the rest of the board can see your ignorance, bigotry, and hypocrisy.

How do you think mail gets to it's destination? Airplanes didn't kill mail orders; internet orders did. You could have tried "They have a thing called the internet now."

Now I have said they have airplanes now, and now I will tell you that we now have telephones and internet.

Mail is so yesterdays news. Thanks for the add on but I think there was a larger point being made.

The fact that modern mail-order brides come via web pages and airplanes instead of a mail-order catalog doesn't change anything about your larger point.

Ukrainian
 

I once had a Ukrainian girlfried and boy, she was beautiful, intelligent, and really liked the arts. I have to say it would be hard to find an American woman that had so much going for her. Sorry to say that, but it's true. We're still "friends" too, though we've both gone our separate ways. And in my 44 years I don't think I'll ever have the sex life I had with her. Geez...maybe I should have...:neutral:

Pah. Obviously she had the same filthy sexual morality as an American woman. Not "traditionally-minded" at all.

What does "traditionally-minded" mean exactly? She walks three steps behind you? She asks before speaking? She doesn't laugh at the size of your willy? What?

And why on earth would you want a mail-order bride who has a degree in anything? She's only going to be staying home, cooking and cleaning and lookin' after your babies. She doesn't need a degree!

If she's so damn great why does she need to be ordered through the mail like x-ray goggles?

This is so disrespectful to lookout and his thread that I'm ashamed of myself for even responding to his pointless ramblings. Sorry bro. really really sorry. Now bruce - tell me how to get someone on my ignore list or whatever its called - if there is one.

Your so spineless I can't imagine you ever adding anything to any post. Just reading your wussy response makes me sick in my gut. Get a load of you talking down to me. You add zero to any topic I've responded to other than pom-poms for the weak hands played.

Ya, you go ahead and put me on what ever list you want. I will be just as unimpressed with it as I am by your wussy retorts.

So, bmwmcaw- ya know any good recipes?

I have 3 kids at home and choose not to deal with another here. You thoughts, opinions and retorts are backed up by equally meaningless data. I have no need nor desire to play with you. You know as much about these issues as you do grammer - and thats obviously not too much.

things are ok around here. me and mine are doing fine. when i am ready i'll post some details about recent events. until then... would one of the mods mind locking this thread so that it dies and isn't used as a place to be an asshat by anyone else? i'd appreciate it.

That seems like the community-oriented thing to do... PM me or any moderator when/if you want to open it again l123