I did it, I emailed my ex and told him he had to back off and respect the boundaries I've set. Sounds lame, or at least anticlimactic, put like that. But I feel such a lifting of this huge burden, as his hoovering got stronger and stronger and my life seemed to be veering out of my control.

Saw a counselor on the oncology team today who listened for an hour and diagnosed me with PTSD. It's not like I didn't know it already, but ... guess I have the official word now. Whatever, it doesn't change anything. I still wake in the night repeatedly, checking my environment for syringes, paralyzing drugs, pentothal in lethal doses etc. - all the things my ex threatened years ago. He was just being cruel; I know now that it wasn't ever a practical threat. But my body doesn't know that. I still sleep like a prey animal.

Jesus, Ortho. He really did a number on you huh?

Well done for sending the email. Doesn't sound at all lame to me. Sounds confident and capable. Which of course is what you are, PTSD notwithstanding.

He just sent back: ok. So that's that.

I don't know why I feel lousy with guilt. Doesn't make sense. Just a few too many stresses in the past two weeks, I think. Time to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

see you in the morning.

ironic turn of phrase identical to the title of UT's breakup thread. He used a word there you might find helpful. "Clarity".

'So that's that' was my phrase ... all he said was, 'ok'.

But it's the same in the end. That's that. Clarity is good. Thanks. :)

Ortho - well done for sending that email. I know how difficult it is to make that step which, out of context, seems tiny, insignificant, hardly worth it, and yet which is the game changer that puts you in control again. I hope you begin to sleep easier now. :thumb:

Wow, what a shit head. Even in this situation he thinks more about himself. He is 'hurt' no doubt. Well, boo fucking hoo.

If he had a set, he'd have said something like 'ok, well, you let me know if you change your mind. You know I'm always here'

But he didn't. because he's a selfish shit and all of this only registers with him as it relates to him.

Yes, you're right. It's all about him. Thank you guys for putting the warnings out there so strongly; you were absolutely right. I almost got pulled right back into everything. In future I'll bring my neediness and vulnerability here (kidding - sort of) and avoid both my ex and Mr. W (who got in touch today to make it clear he's annoyed that I would possibly expect anything of him - even though I never said such a thing. What a prince ... :mad:).

Anyway, enough soap opera! Time to crack those books! Oy, I'd forgotten how fast classes take off ...

Ortho, might be an idea to switch off that dickhead radar you've got flashing on top of your head too :P


Where do they fucking come from? My God. he's annoyed with you? How incredibly generous in spirit.

You said it. I'm taking a long, perhaps permanent sabbatical from relationships. Learn a little bit about taking care of myself. I suspect I'll like being single. I've been part of a couple my entire adult life; this will be a new adventure. :)