MTP - Sounds like she and he are very immature.

I thought she was, we'd been friends for about 2yrs now. She's the only close female friend I'd had in awhile. Guess I'm back down to just my sis and SIL again.

Well she certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be able to handle these current conflicts gracefully, but 20 year olds are still learning a lot about life. Send her a message that you are still there for her and give her some time to process it.

Well she certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be able to handle these current conflicts gracefully, but 20 year olds are still learning a lot about life. Send her a message that you are still there for her, but she owes you the 30% and give her some time (net 30) to pay it.

MTP- Abuse messes with people's brains. I am sorry she dropped the class. Take it anyway. For you, its enrichment... for her... it will be someone who stuck to thier guns. I dis-agree with Squirel... do not expect any money.. if she is with him, he may well have control of her $$$$ as well as her emotions. If she is being abused... all I can say is stick to who you are, but do NOT coddle her. I was abused, I was an emotional basket case, and easily manipulated. Stick to who you are, this will help her decide if she is *ready* to be herself.. or if she needs to still be with him. Trying to defend him will only make her stay longer (or at least it did for me).

I am sorry you have to deal with this.. it sucks. I am sure it sucks for her too.. give her time. The fact that people chastised her, most likely made her sink as far into hiding as she could.

I disagree with Jaydaan's not getting my attempt at being facetious.

I'm trying to take the high-road. Not so much to rub it in her face, but so that I don't disappoint myself. To me though, the close-friendship is over. If she changes her mind and wants to hang out again, I might do so. I don't think I'll be able to confide in her again. I'm feeling less angry about, moved onto numbness.

I had to drop the class, I wasn't all that excited about it anyway. Just sitting there knowing how she'd treated me about it made me too angry. I just couldn't handle it. She'll never know anyway.

My nephew never went to pre-k and his parents never take him anywhere. Monday was his first day in school and he hasn't been happy since. Every morning he would say he doesn't like school and he doesn't want to go to school and would beg to stay home. I get him ready every morning because his mom goes to work at 5:30AM. When at home, if anyone say anything to him about school, he would become quiet and solemn. It shows clearly in his face. It's heart wrenching for me to see how unhappy he is. And today, I found out his mom told someone that he doesn't like school because he's used to being doted on and because no one pays attention to him at school. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT???!!!?? She doesn't know what's going on at school. She hasn't spoken to the teacher. I had asked her to email the teacher, and she won't do it. He's a happy child and for him not to be happy, there is something going on. How can a mother say such thing about her child??!!?? And yes, I know him very well because I've taken care of him since the day he came home from the hospital, and I took care of him from 5:30AM to 4:30PM until Monday when it was the first day of school. Now, I wake him up, get him ready for school, I pack his lunch, and take care of him after school until his mom picks him up at 4:30PM. Do I have the right I claim I know him well and be upset at him mom? HELL YES!! :mad2:

Sorry Tulip, that really sucks. :( Any chance you can email the teacher yourself? If you are his after-school guardian, you have a right to communicate with her about his transition from school to after-school care. Whether Mom will be okay with it is a different story, but at least you can get a word in with the teacher...

I AM going to email the teacher. I actually went with him and his parents on the first day and school, and I also spoke to his teacher. I'm hoping his teacher will remember me and be willing to communicate with me about him. I had asked my sister-in-law to email the teacher and tell her that they give me the permission to know about his education, but she won't do it. She said she doesn't think it'll be a problem and that I can just go ahead and email the teacher. She is so damn lazy! And my brother never liked school so it doesn't bother him when my nephew says he doesn't like school. WTF!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad2::mad2::mad2:

I'm reading a US teacher training manual right now (long story) and I think the teacher cannot share info with you without very clear written permission from the parents. The teacher has to cover themself legally.

I suggest you contact the teacher and find out exactly what kind of permission is needed, so you can get it. Then you can talk.

Also, the teacher might be a bit defensive - sad child is a reflection of an unwelcoming classroom, which doesn't look good for the teacher. The teacher might try to direct attention on the child's home life. From what is written here, the teacher might have a point.

Unless the teacher is overly paranoid, she's not going to get all legalistic on Tulip's ass unless Tulip let it slip that the mom didn't want Tulip communicating with the teacher (which apparently isn't the case anyway, the mom seems to be cool with it.) If she's already met the teacher in person, I suspect the teacher will remember her and be willing to talk to her as a guardian.

Whether the teacher gets defensive depends entirely on how the problem is presented. As long as it's described as the boy "having trouble adjusting" and not "my nephew hates your class, you must be a sucky teacher," I expect the teacher will be thrilled to help in any way she can. All the teachers in my family complain most about the parents who never communicate, not the ones who are overly involved.

Its possible he might need a little bit of special attention from the teacher in order to feel more comfortable in the class. The teacher may very well be amendable to that. Its worth a try.

The smarter the dog the less likely they will be disturbed by crate training. They see it as their sanctuary like a teenager has their " own room". What is cruel are the dogs people throw away because they cannot get them housebroken and they think that crate training is cruel.
Most of my dogs do not have doors on their crate unless I am leaving for hours. They will go outside, come in and choose to be in their "room".

Crates are necessary for intact dogs or you will be over run with puppies. To make this pertinent to the thread, Victor's mother is in heat and I am in hell. Counting the days til she can be spayed! :thepain:

My daughter is on a competition all-star cheer squad. It's pretty expensive--will end up costing us about $2K over the season for various fees, uniform, etc. not to mention travel to competitions.

Now, I don't really mind if she enjoys it. I like the little weekend trips, and it's a great way for her to stay physically fit.

Trouble is, she hurt her knee a couple weeks ago and decided, also because she's way freaked out about 9th grade and having enough time for school plus JROTC and clubs and etc. she wanted to quit.

I told her she could quit. No problemo.

Then the team mom informed me that I'd signed a contract (actually hubby signed it) saying I'd pay the full amount even if she quit.

Yikes! I'd end up owing about $1100 for NOTHING.

So I made her stay. Tried to encourage her, saying how she made a commitment, it'd be good in the long run, but now it's all led to a really sour feeling. Everyone knows she was planning to quit. See how that is?

And that's what upsets me today. :(

Aren't you worried she'll do permanent damage to the knee?

Yes. I took her to the doctor last week and got it x-rayed; he said she'd be fine, she should do as much or as little as she thought she ought to, that it wasn't a serious injury, just a sprain of some kind.

I'm not entirely convinced because I'm not happy with the doc but he was handy.

You know, it's not so much that THIS particular injury concerns me. She's 14, she'll heal. My worry is that these juvenile sports injuries have a way of compounding and bothering you for the rest of your life. She's been very lucky all the while she's been involved in gymnastics and cheer, which she started at the age of *five.* She competed in gymnastics, she's done competition cheer for three years now, she's really buff! But has had no major injuries till now.

And I guess I wouldn't call this a *major* injury, but it's the worst yet and sort of a sign that maybe she's not as young or well-conditioned as she used to be. Seems like in the past the various teams she was on were emphatic about good physical conditioning, muscle strength exercises to prevent injury. The ones she does now (this all-star team plus her school sidelines squads) don't put as much time into conditioning, they just want the practices that'll get them wins. Skills are great, but you've got to have the conditioning to back them up, or this is what happens. Injuries. I've seen it happen again and again, especially in gymnastics when a kid progressed too quickly through levels.

She's been wearing a knee brace to practices, not so much because she needs it, but because it reminds the coaches that she's recently injured and needs to take it easy. They're real boneheads sometimes.

Oh, and she also gets scrapes and gouges on her hands and arms, bruises on her shoulders from stunting. Imagine having a kid only slightly smaller (and not even smaller, necessarily, just a tad more limber with better balance) towering above you, trying to balance on your and three other teammates hands/arms, sneakers kicking, limbs flailing. It's amazing nobody's broken a collarbone. (knock on wood) Or a nose. Wait, last year someone did get her nose broken. My dear daughter is a BASE.

She's a beautiful girl, about one inch taller than me (that'd make her 5'3"), with my build (broad shoulders, kind of curvy) and weighs a good 30 lbs. more than I did at her age. Don't get me wrong - it's all muscle (which weighs more than fat, I'm told) whereas I was really scrawny at 14; she's not fat at all. But 125 lbs. is a lot of mass to throw into a back handspring without good muscle tone to back it up and hold joints in their proper place.

I think it may be time for some sports therapy and strength training on her own time. I'll join her, because I could use some toning up too. Ha, understatement. :)

Yeah, that was my concern. When a kid has been competitive, and enjoyed it, wants to back off, they could be listening to their body. Or maybe she's just becoming interested in different pursuits. I'm just thinking out loud here, you know her, and her world, best, and I'm sure you have her best interest at heart. Go Mom.:)

Unfortunately, the law says the teacher cannot discuss the student with anyone but the parent without written permission.

FERPA

Sure, a casual conversation could take place, but one must tiptoe very carefully around privacy laws.

That's a funny word. FERPA. FEEEEEERRRRRRRR-PA. FERPA.
I know it's an acronym

Tulip, there's probably nothing wrong if she just recieves information. E-mail her with the information that you think she needs to improve your nephew's experience. I don't think she would be breaking the law if she asked questions, and recieved your answers. She just won't be able to give you anything.

Tulip, definitely squeeze Mom for that permission. I've had relatives try to pump me for information only to find out that they're in the middle of a feud with the parents. The classroom teacher will probably be less strict about privacy than we are because we are special ed and have strict rules for good reasons.

I really like home/school notebooks for communication. You could ask if the teacher is willing to write a couple sentences about what they're doing in class so that you can frame the activities in a positive way for him and find out who his friends are or who might be bothering him.

My favorite strategy with my own girls was to always ask them "What was the best thing that happened at school today?" I didn't let them off the hook if the said "Nothing." I'd probe until something good, no matter how small, was revealed. Then I'd use that information later to describe what they should be looking forward to. Always be aware that the last thing that happens at school or on the bus will color their impression of the day so you need to get the child to reflect more deeply.

Yes, Griff, what you said in your first paragraph. That is why it's slippery: one never knows what might be really going on in any given family. Unfortunately, as with just about anything, the ne'er-do-wells have mucked it up for people who just want to help.

Written permission? Done deal. No legal problems for anyone, regardless.

Meh. I've had teachers who did have every legal right to speak to Mr. Clod refuse to do so on the sole basis that he and their mother weren't married, thus it must be a given that they were working at cross purposes. It's never truly about the legalities, it's about whether the teacher feels they'll get called on the legalities.

Well, that's just silly, that was her call, not the law call.

As far as the law though, it is truly about the legalities. For me, mom can scream and moan all she wants at me, I'm not risking my job because she doesn't want to be bothered with a simple piece of paperwork. Legally, the privacy laws are for a reason (custody disputes and the like come to mind as reason the laws came into being in the first place) and personally, I feel ethically responsible to afford the privacy to the parent or student in question whether they feel it's a "meh" or not.

Oh absolutely, a person should follow the legalities if they don't want to get in trouble, and I don't begrudge them that. I'm just saying, in my experience, if Tulip plays her cards right she doesn't need to worry about getting her paperwork ducks in a row before talking to the teacher. You work with a totally different clientele than the average elementary school.

This is true, and the hard part: one size does not fit all, so some might be skittish about even skirting around the edge. I suppose my point is don't be too hard on the teacher or the system if they won't talk to you, Tulip...just try to get the documentation if you really think you can help. :)

Dear lookout123

There's no "e" in Dad. Don't put one there. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.

I'm here for you friend.

It reminds me of Bill Cosby's ark routine:

You see Noah was in his rec. room
Sewing away, he was making a few things for the home there.
He was a good carpenter
Ferpa, ferpa, ferpa. (Bill Cosby imitating the sound of sawing wood)

There was a Penn & Teller: Bullshit episode on the cheerleading scam. It was a while ago, so I don't remember details, but all that sounds familiar.

There are a lot of travel teams that operate like that now, certainly hockey and soccer.

Well, it does look like we've got a contract. So, I guess we're stuck.

She went back. They've been letting her take it easy in practice, so, so far so good.

My main gripe right now is that nationals are in Destin. I don't want to go all the way to FL for a cheer comp. Yeah, I knew that when I signed her up, so more's the pity. :)

Yesterday I spoke with a doctor who flat out told me that depression and/bipolar diagnoses in children Lil Lookout's age are flat out idiotic as those conditions are just thrown about to make parents feel better about their lack of parenting skills. I won't be going back.

This morning Lil Lookout handed me a suicide note and asked me how to just "make it all stop".

Oh man. Is this a doctor you've seen before?

:mad2: :mad2: :mad2: Please note the doctor and practice's name here for Google bait. Please. In fact, that statement is just short of calling for a Medical Board complaint, IMO.

That sucks lookout! :mad:

Your local hospital should have a crisis intervention area for emergency psychiatric situations. The hospital can, or should be able to refer you to places in the community where you can get help.

Some towns have medical intervention ( day )clinics where kids can be placed and observed and properly diagnosed by a pediatric/ adolescent psychiatrist. It is kind of like a school. They do daily normal activities and trained professionals watch and interact professionally with the children every step of the way.

Untreated anxiety in children will develop into depression of course. They know something isn't right, and when they call out for help in the form of a suicide note the best thing to do is go to the emergency for psychiatric help.


...and get a childhood psychiatrist. Not a psychologist. I find they are crap.

What I find reassuring is that he seems smart enough to ask for help. I know it is distressing to get pleas for help via suicide threats from your child but at least he is verbalizing and that is a great thing.imo They don't know what to do to help themselves so it is up to us to make the professionals life's uncomfortable until they do.

Second guessing medical diagnosis rather than just going to the doctor because of the expense :greenface

I saw a snippet about Rwanda the other day, they are having their first democratic election, also they have established a public health care system, sound like a spiffing idea :mad:

Them goddam Rwandans, if they want health care they should get their own damn health care, I got mine. Rwandans always wanting a hand-out.

(I agree with you Beest. It's the suxxors. I see it happening to my friends often.)

I'm so sorry, Lookout. That's got to hurt something awful. :(

Aw shit. That sucks. I hope he gets the help he needs.

Who, the Rwandan?

lookout, what is it he wants to stop?

I can't imagine how awful this is for all of you. I wish I could help.

I'm so sorry man. We have a shortage of qualified mental health pros for kids around here. I hope you have better luck finding someone.

Damn Lookout - thats rough.

Lookout, as you offered to beat the shit out of my doctor, I feel it is only fair to offer the same service to you. I'm so sorry things are rotten right now.

Is it the meds causing the suicidal thoughts? Or are they helping?

My mind goes immediately to an Outward Bound or Last Child in the Woods type camp situation, but he's too young (I assume). What else is there? What are your thoughts about what he needs?

lookout123,

Please check your pm.

hoping for the best for you and your son, Lookout.

I should have done a better job of composing my initial post. The dr was not someone we deal with regularly. He is the new guy at our ped's office and i was there on an unrelated matter. His statement was off the cuff and he realized almost immediately he had stepped on his dick. I gave him a summary of our experiences and suggested he do some more reading and open his mind because not everybody is just shopping for a guilt relief diagnosis. I then spoke to the Dr who owns the practice (I've known and respected him for years) about coaching the new guy to develop more tact. I'm not going to fuck up his career by lodging a complaint because I believe he will learn to think before he speaks.

Thanks for the support and suggestions. The issue at hand is not new, just more severe than it has been for some time. We have a regular psychologist who works with LL to develop non-drug coping mechanisms. We have an excellent child psychiatrist who we will be going back to see as soon as possible.

LL is bipolar. About a year ago we finally found a drug that effectively knocks off the abnormal bottom range (depression) of his emotional roller coaster. Normally once that side of things is nailed down a second drug is introduced to deal with the high side (manic) of things. We have held off on that because we obviously don't want to overmedicate a 9 year old and he had been doing very well since february or march. Unfortunately the drugs that deal with the manic issues are nasty little bastards and we've tried to avoid them. Obviously it is time to revisit that decision.

I am sorry, LO. I hope for your family's and your son's sakes you guys are able to come up with a happy solution for the little guy. Your son is the same age as mine and often reminds me of mine, when you post about him. My heart goes out to you and yours.

But all that accomplishes is concealing what he really thinks/feels. That could be even more harmful to his patients.
Fortunately your smart enough to disregard his "wisdom".

I trust that between my narrative and the very senior ped he is working under he will at least open his mind a little bit. Also, he is a ped not a psych man so...

Cool, I trust your judgment.:thumb:

The non drug coping mechanisms are a great way to go.
From what I have read, bipolar is very rough though. I wish you the best of luck finding the right rx's to bring your son some relief.

B*I*G row with Mum last night.

Yes, I triggered it.
She coughs when she eats bread products.
No diagnosis, no medical issue - but she does. Cough I mean.
And she has an annoying cough.

I'm sensitive to noise.
Have been since I was a child.
I caused so many arguments at the dinner table because of my brother's eating habits (slapping his chops et al) that Mum told me I was going to be put in a home (ie turned over to Social Services)

So I admit I was probably flinching and grimacing every time Mum coughed
And yes, I did turn up the TV when Winslow came on. It's a local village, and one where I spent a lot of time aged 14-16. "Local" news is usually Reading or Bournemouth, over 100 miles away rather then 7.

She picked up her meal and went to eat it in the living room. Telling my Dad and I exactly why. Pointing out also that it was her bloody house and she paid half of the bloody bills and what did I contribute?

We carried on, but after dinner she came back in to say no-one ever defended her. Dad said nothing to dened her but he always slagged me off behind me back, he didn't want me here, why wasn't he honest about it.... Again, that it was her own house and she could do as she wanted and what right did I have to react like that. Etc, etc

I shouted back.
I did.
I admit it.

I went upstairs to cry. Dad did the washing and drying up. She stormed out.
Haven't seen her since, but apparently she is out with Maureen today, and her teacup was in the sink, so she must have come home last night.

This has been brewing a while.
I copped it.
Really - I hold my hands up about my reaction. But d'ya know what? Had she diffused it by saying, "I can't help coughing!" I'd have smiled and apologised. No, she had to make a scene. She's raised this whole "my house" thing before. When she threatened to smash Dad's face in because he admitted not knowing whether to follow my directions rather than hers.

She's a bloody scary woman.
I suppose I love her.
I certainly want her approval.
But there is a small part of me that wants to bring her down to earth and tell her exactly how things are.
All her friends and accquaintances adore her. Anyone I meet who knows her tells me what a lovely woman she is. How caring. How loving. What a great example of a Christian.

They don'e see the screaming, the threats, the bullying and how we're all terrified of her temper.

Sorry.
I needed to offload.

She left the house at 10.00 this morning.
She's not back yet. Meaning she's missed lunch and dinner and that's pretty important in this house.
Grandad called and asked for her. Dad said he thought she was with Maureen.
She called Dad back - FURIOUS - to say she wasn't, and that Dad would have to "deal with him" (leak under his sink apparently).

Poor old Dad. He loves her.
Me? I'm glad she's out of the way if she's still in such a pissy mood.
Maybe she'll be hit by a car and I'll have the nice-or-nasty eulogy situation for real.

Old witch.

Time for you to leave. Could you lodge with your grandad? Board in exchange for household help?

I agree with monnie, she sounds abusive. I would try to find something else if I were in that situation.

Just heard that a friend's 22 y.o. son was killed in Afghanistan today.
Fuck oil.

Gah! Sorry to hear that.

fuck