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The Best Attitude Under BAD Circumstances
(I put this here under the "schools of thought", not the religious type of philosophy )
There are a lot of people that I meet from one job to another to the next company to the next state to the next country, etc. One of the best attitudes that I've seen recently is a man that worked in the same office space as me this last contract. He's been through a lot, suffered disappointments, been through the unplanned and unpleasant stresses of life many times in the last few years and he just laughs it away. Truly a life skill these days. He's about 40, backgound in programming (bachelor of CS I believe) which he was employed as a programmer when the jobs just evaporated here and went to India. Then having no real experience, changed fields to mechanical design and was just getting to the point of making good money when THOSE jobs started going to India. He's lost a lot of time and money to India, but he's absolutely unphased by both instances. He's always cracking jokes and doing something funny, despite the circumstances at the moment, although is respected for his abilities at the job. He's not a clown at work, just funny. I asked him one time where he would go if he had the chance to go anywhere in the world, time and money being no object. His reply was that he'd go to India to look for the jobs that he lost, but was quite funny about it. "There are things in this life you can change and those you cannot. I just dont get excited about those that I cant change" Despite the problems and the discomfort of his personal situation, he been in good spirits the entire time that I've know him. So here's the question. Who comes to your mind when you think of someone having a good attitude under BAD circumstances. Is that you? Someone that you know? Someone famous? What are their BAD circumstances and how did they cope with that particular situation? What would you credit their attitude to? Tell me a tale of harship and keeping one's perspective and sense of humor. |
I have a chronic, disfiguring, and debilatating diesese. It is called hydritinitas superativa. I came down with this painful and unpleasant condition in Aug. '77. When I reported for sick call I was told to "take a shower and get back to work." All I could do is say Aye Aye Sir, and do what I was told to do. I finished my time in the Coast Guard proudly, even though I never advanced beyond Seaman E-3, I became the goto guy for communications, navigation,and search planning. If you think I am uneducated, think again. My nose was always in a book, navigation, seamanship, management, mathematics, and the bible just to name a few. I would take watches so my shipmates could go out and party. I would use the time to study and learn all I could about how to manage ships and men at sea.
One of my mentors at that time was the Captian of the CGC Point Hobart Virgil Kroupa, Master Chief Boatswainsmate, Old Guard and very salty. He knew of my medical condition and kept me around because in his words "that damn Spanky is the only real sailor on this fuckin boat." I worked very hard to be the best Coast Guardsman I could be. It was all for nought. In April 1980 it ended. I got out and went job hunting, when you have a zit the size of a baseball bust open during an interview that pretty much ends the job search, Captains license or not. I ended up working at a rental yard for minimum wage. So I picked up and learned every thing I could about heavy equipment, and constrution, worked several jobs in and around SoCal, Arizona, and Nevada for two years. Then I had to have several pustules surgicly removed. 6 weeks later I had no job, and the insurance co. said preixesting condition. I got a bill from the hospital for $52,000.00. I pumped gas with a big hole in my butt, and drove a cab on my day off. I lost my house because I could not make the payments on it. I was able to sell for enough to pay off the mortgage. I ended up in the hospital again with the same thing. I was devistated, I ended up homeless with even more debt. My life has been a series of ups and downs. I never applied for welfare or any public assistance, I would get a job and work untill I ended up in the ER with toxemia or some other kind of blood poisining. All with the same result. Fast forward to the present day, I live with my wife in a glorified motel room. I am still in and out of the hospital, I get a VA compensation of $485.00 a month. My wife has a good job and we are slowly paying down our debts. I refuse to give up, I am going to school on line studying visual communications. Starting over is never easy, and starting over at 50 is a real challenge, but I'm gonna do it and excel! |
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. And thanks, fargon for shaing your touching story. Hang tough. |
My life isn't bad. That's all I have to do to keep myself in decent check. Sure, bad stuff has happened, I got used by my soon-to-be ex wife, then she left me. I went through/am going through a long bout of suicidal depression. I never go a day without some part of my body being uncomfortably sore in some way (usually knees or ankles). This stuff is not major to me.
I'm alive, I'm breathing, both my legs work well, I have all my fingers and toes, both my eyes work (more or less), I can hear, I can taste, I can feel. How bad can it be? |
Great, Stress Puppy.........unless they're sneaking up on you.:worried:
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Pretty heavy stuff guys, I don't know if I'm made of the kind of stuff you guys are and I hope I never have to find out. Some of the parents of the kids with ASD I teach definitely get props from me as well. Each handles their cirumstances differently, some with amazing humor, some just with class, some more stoic, and a few just hang on.
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Well those personal stories are a tough act to follow. So, I'll post a celebrity one.
No Doubt was not an overnight success. It took many years of hard work, relentless touring, and perseverance for the band to accomplish what they have. It is an inspiration to me to keep up my own hard work and be patient. If you believe in what you are doing, even if the odds are long, remember: No Doubt Anytime! 1987-1988 Part of the then-underground-ska-scene, No Doubt built a huge following of loyal SoCal fans after numerous gigs opening for The Untouchables and Fishbone, as well as their own all-ages shows. UNDERGROUND BAND STRIKES IT BIG, SORT OF August 1991 No Doubt signs a "big" recording contract with Interscope Records; they continue driving around in their old cars and work day jobs (Gwen and Tony were sales people at the same department store, Adrian waited tables at a steak house, and Tom ran a small music equipment rental business). Oct.-Dec. 1991 Between working and going to school, the band drives to a Los Angeles studio as often as possible to record their debut album, on a budget, they spend less than $13,000. March 1992 Self-titled No Doubt released. Only 30,000 sold; grunge is in; they don't get played. The program director of LA radio station KROQ: "It would take an act of God for this band to get on the radio." In support of the album, the band embarks on their first two-week 13-show Western-state headlining tour in two vans (five members, a three-piece horn section, a roadie, tour manager/soundman and equipment). Summer 1992 Band makes video for "Trapped In A Box" for a mere $5,000; MTV never played it. No Doubt once again make a two-week Western run. Fall 1992 Hitting the big time, the band undertakes a two-and-a-half month national-tour -- still in a van. FROM TRAGIC TIMES COMES MAGIC March 1993 No Doubt begins the first sessions for what would be called Tragic Kingdom. The album was recorded in eleven different studios over two and a half years. Tony refers to it as a "battleground" -- and there were casualties. 1994 Eric departs before the completion of Tragic Kingdom, and continues as an animator for The Simpsons. After a seven-year relationship, Tony gets claustrophobic and dumps Gwen; the singer has plenty to sing about and "Don't Speak" evolved from a love song into a broken heart song. October 1995 Tragic Kingdom, a mixture of ska, new wave, pop, punk and rock, is released. Of the lyrics, Gwen says: "We went through some really bad times in the past couple years -- personally and bandwise -- and our whole way of dealing with that is humor and I think that's really apparent in the record." Album doesn't make the charts and KROQ doesn't pay attention. Winter 1995 New wave-ish "Just A Girl" gets massive requests. KROQ pays attention; band smiles. In support of Tragic Kingdom, No Doubt tours several weeks followed by holiday radio shows. January 1996 Several months after it's release, Tragic Kingdom debuts on Billboard's Top 200 at No. 175, and the single "Just A Girl" reaches No. 10. Band begins their first European tour, followed by dates in Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia and Japan. July 1996 Tragic Kingdom goes Platinum. Although No Doubt had been headlining in clubs for seven years, the band embarks on their first sold-out theater-size headlining tour. November 1996 After performing nearly every night for a year, Gwen's vocal chords are strained; the band cancels its second European tour; the dates are made up in February and March 1997. Dec. 1996 Tragic Kingdom reaches No. 1 in Billboard -- 14 months after its release. The album will spend nine weeks at No. 1, and 36 weeks in the Top 10. January 1997 No Doubt attends American Music Awards after being nominated for Favorite New Artist Pop/Rock. Band's super excited even if they don't win. "Not bad, Best New Artist and we've been around for 10 years," marvels Gwen. March 1997 No Doubt celebrates Tenth Anniversary!!! More here: http://tragickingdom.net/nodoubt-tenyears.html |
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The humor thing seems to be involved with many survival tales |
When things are bad and I'm under stress, I keep reminding myself that killing my pathetic ex would constitute murder and land me in a place that would not appreciate my delicate disposition and refined nature. NOT killing him appears to be more heroic than killing him, and, so I don't. To me, that is real grace under pressure coz the motherfucker deserves to die. Slowly and painfully--like in the clutches of the Iron Maiden or similar.
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I hadn't paid a lot of attention to No Doubt until RS first mentioned their hard work to get where they are. They did work hard to earn their celebrity status. I did see Gwen on TV presenting Sting an award on a show, and she showed a picture of herself getting an autograph from Sting when she was about 13-15 yrs old. She was a VERY chubby girl! She looks great now.
Drew Barrymore is the celebrity I think of, looking to one for inspiration. Yes, Drew Barrymore. As the child star of E.T, she was drinking and doing drugs by age 12 and seemed to be going downhill like a of a lot of child stars. Then she got it together, formed her own company making movies, and is doing quite well. After I saw "Riding in Cars With Boys", I have watched all of the movies she has made. They're more the type of movies I watch with my step-daughters than my husband or son, but they're good movies, with plenty of humor in all of them. In real life, my source of inspiration is Elspode, and all of the other parents of disabled kids. When my daughter was getting cancer treatment, I saw so many people going through terribly tough times, and knowing they would always have to deal with it, along with worrying about who will take care of their kids when they're gone. When I was at my lowest, I always saw someone that I felt had it worse than me. I saw Toby Keith on TV talking about what ended his feud with the Dixie Chicks a couple of years back. He got home one day and saw a Country Music magazine in his mail - the cover read "Toby Keith and the Dixie Chicks - a fight to the death!" Then he got a phone call from his best friend from high school saying that he and his wife had just taken their 3 yr old daughter home from the hospital to die. Her childhood cancer had become terminal. That sure puts things into perspective! On a lighter note, the moral of the story is when you’re down- look for inspiration – it’s out there! |
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There's a saying, and I'm very fond of sayings. I'm taking the religious context out, because I'm not religious. But, "If the door gets closed in your face, try the window."
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dear fargon - i'm aware of the disease through a friend, and i feel for you. tough, tough, tough. i also want to let your wife know that her support is admirable as well. having something like that is hell, and loving someone in that much pain is extremely difficult, too. your ability to help them is limited no matter how desperately you wish you could. you are an inspiration, i'll take that with me.
my own story is pretty lame--married to an extremely domineering, manipulative and somewhat psychotic husband for 22 yrs (he used to growl at me "woman, submit to your husband!"), i finally got the courage to leave the third time my kids called 911. he makes $130k/yr, i make about $20k, our 3 youngest originally left with me but since have decided to try living with dad because there are NO rules; no curfews, no rules about drinking under age, no bedtimes for the 7th graders. our youngest has missed 25 days of school this year, but they keep excusing it. (technically we share custody but our 17 yr old daughter recently moved all of her things over there after i refused to let her go on spring break with a bunch of friends unsupervised. he's now letting her live by herself in a rental house on our property. the 2 boys come and go back and forth pretty evenly.) i've tried showing evidence and support 3 times to the judge about what goes on over there, but he believes ex's excuses for behaviors and non-payment of child support. so in order to get away from him (i was bordering suicidal when i was there) i've lost my children, my home, all of my stuff, my financial security, and my sense of who i am. some days i don't think i'll survive, literally. but then i think, the kids will grow up, and i want to still be here when they do. (i know i still want my dad to be here, even though i don't talk to him all that much.) my oldest son is in the army, could get sent to iraq soon, and i want to be here to send him letters and support if he goes. my oldest daughter has a baby girl who may have some developmental disabilites, and i think she might need my help. i make a point to stay up till midnight every night, and get up at 6:00 for work, because any longer than that and i just have nightmares. i make a point of making coffee every morning because the sound and smell of the coffeepot gurgling is comforting and it breaks the morning silence. and every night i just hold on to the future, when the sun will come up, the birds will sing, and the pain will lesson enough to live through. each day i make it through this hell is one more day i'm proving to him that i am stronger than he ever thought i'd be. |
sorry-i'll quit
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jojo, dont quit, We appriciate your kind words. My ex is a psychotic addict that left me and her daughter almost destitute. I belive that the cellar is the best forum on the web.
The people here can be kind, or mean, but they are always real. I know that I have found friends here. Sometimes we dont get back as soon as we should, but we always reply. So hang in there, and stick around Welcome to the cellar where the FUN never ends. |
jojo--I just read your post. Don't give up. Don't you ever give up. I send you a cyberhug (feel it? :) and some good psychic energy. Keep making coffee, keep going on--this too shall pass. I promise.
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jojo,
If you wake up and don’t want to smile, If it takes just a little while, Open your eyes and look at the day, You’ll see things in a different way. Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow, Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here, It’ll be, better than before, Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone. Why not think about times to come, And not about the things that you’ve done, If your life was bad to you, Just think what tomorrow will do. Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow, Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here, It’ll be, better than before, Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone. All I want is to see you smile, If it takes just a little while, I know you don’t believe that it’s true, I never meant any harm to you. Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow, Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here, It’ll be, better than before, Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone. Don’t you look back, Don’t you look back. Keep humming or whistling or singing for as long as it takes. :) |
Jojo, you should get a pet. Four years ago I was devastated by a break up with a man, a controlling one too, who I deeply but foolishly loved. After nine years together, my twenties long gone, and me being financially dependent on him --- I DID NOT KNOW HOW I WOULD GET THROUGH IT. One important contributor to my survival, among many, has been my dog. I got her about 3 mos. after I moved out. These animals give you unconditional love and devotion that no human could ever match. Those few times at the bottom, when I didn't think I could go on, my little Astrid kept me going. I'm sure the same is true for your kids. They may be behaving selfishly, but you cannot be selfish yourself. You must march on with dignity for them, as an example, regardless of how they treat you. But, I also highly recommend a pet for a much improved mental outlook. Also, I'll pray for you to gain strength.
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I give myself credit (not often enough) for getting through the last year. As some of you know, in August 04 I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It was kept under control with meds and diet until March 05 when I was hospitalized for the first time with a bad flare. They thought I was OK, so I went back to normal life.
June 05 It had become very bad again and I was again hospitalized and told I would need surgery to remove the diseased portion of my small intestine, in the most common place Crohnies have problems, the terminal ileum. July 05 I finally found a surgeon I trusted and had 11” of my small intestine removed (I asked if I could have it but the surgeon said we should send it to be tested instead). I went home a week later feeling better than ever. Three days later, I was back in the ER, dizzy and vomiting, with a temperature of 104. I had a leak where they reattached my intestines (so I was basically shitting inside myself – not good) AND I had contracted a staph infection from the first surgery. If we had waited much longer, my body would have shut down and I would have died. I was rushed into emergency surgery at 11:30pm on a Saturday night. I woke up to find that I had an ileostomy (like a colostomy, but from the small bowel instead of the colon) and a “wound vac” (Google KCI Wound V.A.C. if you’d like) attached to my surgery incision (looked like a smile – from hip to hip). They couldn’t close me because of the staph infection. You could literally see my intestines when they changed the dressings. My husband doesn’t get woozy often, but he turned white as a sheet when he saw that! If you’re wondering, no, I never looked. I had no immune system by then, so I was put in a “clean room” and everyone that came to see me had to be suited and gloved. I never knew what it was like to long for skin to skin touch. Just a handshake would have made me a little less depressed, but it was for my own good and I knew it wouldn’t be forever. So I had this vacuum machine attached to me for the next 2+ months along with the beauty and comfort of the ostomy bag for close to 6 months. I was on a Total Parenteral Nutrition IV for about 8 weeks and went most of that time without eating (got down to 96 lbs). I was allowed to drink small sips of water every now and then. They also found several abscesses around my intestines. A couple had to be drained by inserting a large needle and sucking out the contents. OH! And I had fluid collecting around my liver that was causing me a lot of pain so they stuck a huge needle in through my back to drain it (a little over a pint of Mountain Dew looking fluid). All done while I was awake, by the way. I was in a bed for so long that I had to have physical therapy to help me walk again. They even sent me home from the hospital with a walker! I’m WAY too young to need a walker! But I found the humor in it and joked with my Grandma about us having walker races. Thankfully, I got to have the ileostomy reversed Feb 06 and have come back to work after 9 months. Life goes on. Big, nasty scars and all. You’d think I would have gone nuts after all of this, right? In the hospital 74 days and it seemed like every day someone would come to give me more bad news. How did I cope? Well, the pain meds kept me a little loopy and I was given so much in the beginning that some of it is still a blur. But I had a wonderful support team. My husband was with me every step of the way. My mom and dad (who have been divorced for 14 years) were there for me and each other, every day. My friends would come and hang out with me, decorate my hospital room, joke about my poop bag and “the cherry tomato” (Google stoma). Don’t get me wrong, I did my share of freaking out every now and then, but I was so sure that it couldn’t get any worse! I had to keep the nurses laughing so they’d be in a good mood around me. I had to watch for that light at the end of the tunnel. I knew it had to come. I realize how precious life is. I realize how much my family and friends love me. I realize how strong I am despite my insecurities. And I realize that a sense of humor really helps in a shitty situation. |
Wow, chainsaw. I knew a little about how bad Crohn's could be, but I had no idea. You should really give yourself credit for getting through the last year. You are a survivor.
How's your quality of life now? |
Thanks for sharing chainsaw. I didn't know so many complications could arise. You are made of some pretty stuff stuff.
I am wondering what CAN you eat? How do you keep it from flaring? |
Thanks guys :) Life is good... in all aspects. I'm seeing a new doctor (the only one that has said they would fix me). She is running lots of tests to see if I have a food allergy. TONS of people are misdiagnosed with Crohn's. I could be allergic to something that's in a lot of the foods we eat - wheat, corn, sugar, etc. If we figure out what it is, great! If not, we'll keep trying new things. Most mainstream docs just want to throw meds at you. That's fine, if they work. But everything I've taken so far just masks the symptoms (pain, diarrhea, etc.) There is not cure for Crohn’s, but I have met two people that go to this new doctor that have NO symptoms and are taking NO meds. It’s all controlled with diet and supplements (IV vitamins, shakes, etc.) I’m optimistic that the worst is behind me.
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Glad you're doing better, chainsaw! I have to admit your story makes me uncomfortable though, in the sense that now, every time a dwellar quietly disappears for no apparent reason, I'm going to assume that they're suffering in the hospital if not outright dead. :(
Glad you came back! |
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First you swaety mother-fucker learn how to spell the so called medical condition that you suffer from PROPERLY..then learn some basic hygiene you stinky fat fuck!! DN |
Barak
Barak Barak |
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Fuck off and die you cracker redneck mother fucker! |
Jochser
Jochser Jochser |
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I think the bulk of dwellers have kept a pretty good attitude considering.
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Chainsaw, welcome back to the world, and to the Cellar!!
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Thank you, wolf :D
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The best attitude under BAD circumstances? "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, but I WILL get through it." has worked for me so far. And then a sense of humour - which has helped in all but one situation.
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It was in a building in the Hills with Drew's, and a lot of other Name's, agent. I saw her a lot in the smoking section, she is a very kind, gracious and hip person to hang out with. We ran into each other a lot due to similar tastes, she likes second hand stores and swap meets. You can pick em'. My story is long and convoluted... I was cut a lot more slack in my youth by people whom did not need to. From people who I did not deserve it from. As I posted before, I've been around a bit in my short time but have ended-up here, in chronic, debilitating pain for the rest of my days... and I'm ok with that. When I dropped/was drummed out of seminary prep and found Buddhism I also learned two very important lessons that I should have learned from Christ to begin with. We are all one and the same, so I already know how they feel and don't deserve any better/they deserve as much slack as I do. In this life Compassion is the only currency that pays interest. y story is very long and convoluted... I started-out kinda' as a shit-heel and learned a lot from people whom did not have to teach me what they did... I did not deserve it. I have been cut far more slack than I deserve, at least when I was a kid I was. I try to remember that when I deal with people now. Something I learned for myself is that everyone has their own shit, their own pain and it is always subjective. Meaning, that it always hurts exactly the same. Your worst pain is exactly as bad as mine. That is why I will accept no pity and will (I do my damnedest) give only love. |
Sorry the above was so out-there, had repeated things and unchecked... rough day.
Basically the lesson is to always keep in mind that knowing others feel exactly what you do, regardless of how they show it, will help you do the one thing that makes one feel better than anything else... act with compassion & love. |
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As I type this, there are two Tasmanian miners trapped under thousands of tonnes of rock in a collapsed mine shaft.They've been trapped for over 10 days. They are being kept alive through a 4 inch plastic pipe that has been eased through a drill shaft. Ice blocks and home made soup are being pushed through to keep them alive while teams of miners work around the clock to drill a new fifty foot shaft across through solid rock and underneath the safety cage that saved them from death. there are no guarrantees that the rocks won't move again before or during the breakthrough. The situation is about as harsh as it can get for the two guys trapped in a steel crate less than a metre and a half square. How does this relate to the thread? Well apparently, the guys have requested a short detour in the ambulance on the way to hospital. Reports say that they'd like the ambulance to call in at MacDonalds' [with full lights and sirens!] and pick them up some burgers............... Legendary.Just legendary. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117...-29277,00.html |
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